My New Car

I just got my new Lexus RX400H and returned to the dealer the next day complaining that I couldn't figure out how the radio worked.

The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated "Watch this"! He said "Nelson"!

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say "Beethoven" I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said "Beatles" I'd get one of their awesome songs.

One day, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car but I swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled "ASSHOLES! "

The French National Anthem began to play, sung by Hilary Clinton and Michael Moore, backed up by John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on booze....

See, this is where the difference between imports vs good old domestics comes into play. My new Lincoln Town Car also has a voice activated radio. It too can switch to songs simply by saying a word.

Alas, for me, I got stuck behind one of those stupid hybrid SUVs in the car pool lane that was doing just a hair over fifty, and there wasn't an exit for ten miles to get around them. I suppose I get what I ask for, because I let out one heck of a blue streak.

Alas, I now have to suffer listening to 'We Are The Champions' sung by Nancy Pelosi, 'Beat It' performed by Bill Clinton (it does, thankfully, have one heck of a great sax solo in the middle, obviously dubbed in), the classic 'I'm So Pretty' performed by John Edwards, and 'Rebel Yell' performed by Howard Dean.

Unfortunately it looks like it'll be about three years to get through all my expletives. I thought about selling the car to a liberal who might enjoy all these songs. So I listed it on Craig's List. But the car must be aware of who I am. When a liberal gets into the car, 'Dogs of War' is performed by Joe Lieberman, 'Lollypop Kids' by Dennis Kuchinich, and 'R-E-S-P-E-C-T' sung by Hillary Clinton.

With a wicked grin, I finally decided to donate the junker to the Council on Islamic-American Relations, figuring that I could take sweet revenge on them. But the thrice blasted car shut up the second they got in. Only thing I can figure is that there's just no bigger a**h*l*s then them and the car is completely stumped.

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.