The Official Weekend Singles Thread

Presented to you by OhioWfan, Kate of Spice Island, and Maximus Ridiculousness.

Kate and Phil's Story of Love and Marriage

Phil and I first met back in the teen years when I started working at a local drive-in movie theatre where he was employed. There was a "no dating coworkers" policy and we were both into following (some) rules and didn't want to get fired, so we were just friends instead.

Apparently, we were both interested in each other, but too shy/insecure/whatever...to say anything, but we became friends.

I remember going to his house and he to mine when we were still in high school, but he was older and went off to college. During a few of his weekend visits, we went on a few dates, but then I didn't see him again for a good four or five years.

By then I was married AND pregnant, but ran into Phil at work, so it was strange (for both of us apparently) in the wishful thinking at that time. From time to time, I would go by his work and say hi when we were in town. By the time my marriage was definitely over (but I still had hopes of it not being over) Phil had gotten married and although his marriage was heading for over...neither of us was willing to admit that we were

separated from our spouses and divorces were filed.

We each went about our lives and once he changed jobs, I had no clue where he was. (Prior to that, where I would visit was a place where I would also visit my bestest high school friend's father as he worked in another department.)

Meanwhile, he had been looking for and looking up former classmates and one in particular that I also happened to know. This mutual friend had lived away from where we are now and I had all but given up talking to him ever again, when on a whim I looked him up in the phone book (kind of a one last time deal, as I couldn't remember Phil's last name, I didn't look him up and even if I remembered, I probably could have never spelled it...)

So, lo and behold, our mutual friend was listed and had been for a few years and I gave him a call. Meanwhile, between classmates.com and a high school reunion, Phil and our mutual friend had been talking and e-mailing, and Phil asked him if he knew how to get in contact with me, and the friend gave Phil my e-mail address.

So, our real official long-term dating was cyber dating as Phil had moved to TX and I was in Phoenix. We went from the occasional e-mail to IM and phone calls and that evolved to a long distance romance.

I went to Texas and lived with Phil for a year, but knew my heart was with my children and family. Phil was adamant about staying in TX.

Every time Phil asked me to marry him, I asked if he would consider moving to Phoenix. He kept saying no, so I returned to Phoenix.

When I ran away to safety and Phil's care I knew he loved me and would take care of me. When he let me go and let me move back to Phoenix to be with my children, I knew he loved me enough to let me go and be where I belonged.

When he asked me if I would marry him if he moved to Phoenix, he got the answer I wanted to give him all along.

We have been married just over four months and are still working on getting into a life and a routine in Phoenix and still feel like we are trying to get settled in, but we have come a long way together and are looking forward to many years of happiness and joy with my children and grandchild(ren).

For how long we have been friends, and the things we liked about each other, are still there.

Getting used to habits has been hard (I am secretive in general and I also kept a few government secrets for a long time that I don't keep secret any more), but by nature I just have never been a "talker", so that is changing.

He likes reality TV, my reality is like the TV show, "Medium." We both like "24" and wouldn't want it any other way.

We both enjoy sports and look forward to the Cowboys VS Cardinals game later this fall.

We managed to attend the same three schools of higher education, just never were both at any one at the same time.

I think the biggest piece of advice we can offer the single crowd is don't put yourself above dating anyone with "baggage" as you have clearly got "emotional baggage" in the form of selfishness. I know that God didn't make selfishness, but He did make caring and compassion. A heart of gold is worth far more than a free lunch...

When a heart of gold is the heart within, you will find someone for you with that exact same quality.

Did I mention that Phil also is conservative and was busy advocating for Bush before we started to discuss politics? I just loved sending him links to caption Kerry two summers ago.

Barb's Two Cents on Being a Newlywed and Some Advice on Cyberdating

Ahhhh...the bliss of being newly married! What joy! The birds are singing. The bees are buzzing. The flowers are blooming...

Okay, for me our honeymoon was a little different from most. Actually, our wedding was a little different from most. You see, hubby and I eloped (with 40 of our closest friends and relatives) in Reno in 2003—four weeks before he was to deploy to Iraq. We were already engaged, and had planned on a summer wedding, but one cold winter day, hubby got "the call", and three days later we found ourselves in Reno tying the knot.

Our honeymoon consisted of phone calls, emails, letters between here and Iraq—and lots of insomnia. At first it was strange being married to a man who was suddenly 6500 miles away, and it was even stranger that I could talk to him only when he was able to call me (every two to three weeks or so).

And so it went.

Our "real" honeymoon came 18 months later. We spent a week in Vegas (yeah, I know some folks find it a tacky place for a honeymoon, but hubby's never been, and I love the Luxor). We gambled, saw some of the shows, gambled, ate at the various restaurants, gambled, walked the Fremont Street Experience, gambled, got SMASHED in Quark's Bar and harassed a poor Borg and Klingon at the Hilton where they have the Star Trek Experience (we almost got kicked out—but we snapped some hilarious photos), and we gambled some more.

All fun and games aside, our marriage (going on year four now) is a very solid one. Hubby has a heart of gold, and I could not ask for a better man. I would have to say that absence made our marriage grow stronger. We still feel like newlyweds. We are like “kids” with each other. We are the two most happy-go-luckiest-people I know, on the planet.

Some advice on cyberdating.

Back in the day, I was the Queen of Cyberdating. I started meeting men online as far back as 1996. Match.com was the ONLY online dating site (with something like, 200 local members). It took a lot of chatting, meeting bozo after bozo, and dating horrible men who were nothing like their profiles before I realized I was doing everything wrong from the very beginning. By the time I met my hubby in a Yahoo chatroom by total accident (most of you know this story) 5 years later, I had finally learned some very big lessons.

That said, here are some of my do’s and don’ts when it comes to cyberdating:

Be honest about yourself in your profile, and post an accurate, recent picture of yourself. By all means, SMILE. If you don’t, you’ll look angry and unapproachable. Trust me. You’ll want a pic (or several pics) of yourself doing some favorite activity, and at least one nice head-and-shoulder shot.
Be concise and to the point when writing your profile. Be eloquent, and don’t ramble incessantly. Poetry is big turn-off for a lot of people. Unless you are a master, avoid poetry at all costs. You’ll put people to sleep. List your preferences accurately and pick people to chat with who are close to what you’re looking for. Don’t fall for an ultra-liberal America-hating chick…just because she’s really hot.
Try and meet someone who lives within driving distance. Unless you have the time and money to travel, stick to meeting your potential future spouse within a reasonable distance from you. Don’t fall in love with someone you can’t afford to fly out to meet.
Don’t fall in love with the very first nice looking person (whom you know nothing about) who gives you the time of day. Stick to your guns. If you’re looking for your future spouse, keep in mind all of the qualities you are looking for in that person. Don’t ever lose focus.
Sell yourself. Tell your potential future spouse what a great person you are. Don’t be negative or down about yourself. Don’t appear pathetic. Be yourself and put your best foot forward. If you don’t appear to be a reasonably healthy, happy, positive person you’ll scare people away. Trust me.

GIRLS: Meet your potential future spouse in a very public place. For your very first date, only meet for coffee or drinks where you can chat for as long or as short as you are comfortable with. It’s easier to split the scene quickly if you are just sipping something, and not in the middle of dinner or stuck with a loser date in the middle of a 3-hour flick. NEVER leave your drink unattended. Before you use the restroom, finish your drink, or order a new drink once you’re back to your table. By all means, drive yourself to your destination, DO NOT EVER let your date pick you up on your first date. Tell a friend, family member, someone—anyone—where you will be and when you should be home. Take your cell phone with you. Park in a visible area.

This is probably the toughest part about meeting your future spouse—know exactly what you are looking for and settle for nothing less. Do not fall in love with someone's potential, but for who they really are. This was the one mistake I made over and over. Don't ever meet someone and try and fix them later. Also, be realistic. Unless you’re a super hot daddy, don’t go looking for a super hot mama.

It took me years and years of dating the same type of loser with a different name, and one failed marriage to a closet alcoholic, before I finally ‘grew-up’ and decided I would not settle for anything less anymore. Period. I literally sat down and made a list of all the attributes I had to have in a man. In fact, what had happened was I learned the very long and hard way about everything I did not want in a guy through my own personal trial-and-error. (Mostly error.) It was only after this personal epiphany that I met my true-love. And it didn't take long.

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