Posted on 07/21/2006 5:56:55 AM PDT by CT-Freeper
Did you ever notice that the gas grill is the man's domain? Even in homes where the man of the house has never prepared a single meal in the kitchen -- unless you count pulling a package of Pop Tarts out of the box -- as soon as it's decided that dinner will be cooked on the gas grill, the man of the house eagerly dons his "Born to Barbecue" apron and announces to no one in particular, "OK, let's do some grillin'!!"
Of course, there are some men who enjoy all forms of cooking and know their way around the kitchen quite well. And then there are normal guys: those who wouldn't know which room in the house actually is the kitchen except that when they first moved into the house and rolled the refrigerator right next to the reclining chair in the living room (a very good location if you ask me), their wives exclaimed, "The fridge goes in the kitchen! No, honey, that's the dining room. Over here. See the linoleum floor, the sink, the stove? That's right. Good boy. Here's a doggie treat. Now go out to the truck and bring in the sofa. No, honey, that's a closet door. The front door is over there. That's right. Good boy."
Men are usually in charge of the gas grill because it employs an element of nature that gets men very excited: bikinis. No wait, wrong element of nature. Gas grills utilize a different element of nature that gets men just as excited, if not more excited, than bikinis: fire.
Thousands of years ago it was men who first discovered fire. Women did not discover fire because they were back home deciding which corner of the cave was the best place to locate the refrigerator. Just like that famous Greek guy, Archimedes, who exclaimed, "Eureka!" when he discovered the bubble bath, the first guy to discover fire -- his name was Ooog -- also uttered a memorable word. Upon discovering fire, Ooog exclaimed, "Aaaiiieeee!!!" The fire Ooog discovered was a brush fire caused by lightning.
Ooog looked at it curiously, and then thought to himself, "I wonder if that is just as refreshing to jump into as a cool stream?" Moments later, a smoldering Ooog declared his historic pronouncement.
Soon after, it was men who discovered that food tastes a lot better when it's placed in fire for a while. The specific guy who first discovered this important fact -- his name was Mooog -- offered these historic words, "Not bad, but Ooog would taste even better with ketchup."
Gas grilles are pretty much the only way for modern men to be in touch with their primitive side these days. Face it, in our society we are not allowed to have fun with fire. If you even own a cigarette lighter the Smoking Nazis want to lock you up. It's now against the law to burn piles of leaves in the Fall. If you start a fire in the fireplace, someone is sure to say, "Fireplace soot is bad for little Leonard's asthma! Put that out at once or I'll call the Soot Nazis!" And I need not mention that in these "politically correct" times, it is no longer socially acceptable to entertain the neighborhood kids by breaking out Uncle Mike's World War II surplus flamethrower.
So modern men are basically flame-less these days -- except when it comes to the gas grill season. Then, thankfully, we are allowed to singe our eyebrows and arm hair to our heart's content.
Guys, in the immortal words of our pioneering forebears, please join me in a hearty, "Aaaiiieeee!!!"
Bill Dunn is a free-lance writer who resides in Torrington. He can be reached via his Web site at: www.boomertrek.com.
It's a wonder Big Jim and the Twins didn't sustain some damage.
Works great! That's how I do it!
Yeah, I saw it. Is your cabin in the Red Zone? Are you on the 64 or 97 side.
Wow, what a pity. I bet they loved it!
My dad & I grow "Bodacious" hybrid corn. We grew Silver Queen for years, then switched to Kandy Korn for a couple years.
Bodacious is hands down the best in my book.
My wife blanched and froze 8 dozen ears... they sure will be good come winter!
Has their new album come out yet?
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are you talking about the one titled...
"I've Never Kissed A Parrot But I've Kissed A Cockatoo"
These are not normal guys. In fact, any such man, if indeed he exists, is obviously playing games, psychotic, or mentally retarded.
I'm a vegetarian. So is my wife. She hates to cook. I don't much like it, but I don't mind it like she does. We eat out a lot, but much of the time I tell her just to talk with me or read or do whatever she wants and I'll prepare the meal. She's a concert musician, and it's wonderful when she plays the piano or the harpsichord while I put dinner together. Then in some beautiful and amiable setting, of which we have designed many for our home, we dine together. Sometimes it's a magnificent dinner with fabulous wine. Sometimes it's veggieburgers. Sometimes it's leftovers. Sometimes I order a pizza or Chinese or Tai take-out. We've been married for 46 years.
I always find it annoying when somebody decides to define masculinity--at least in such silly, trendy aspects.
Every man can define it for himself.
Frankly, I myself am the gold standard. If anyone wants to know what a man is, here I am--a perfect--though obviously only one of innumerable--example.
Definitely start the veggies first. We usually just use a couple of layers of aluminum foil with a little cooking spray on it. Love grilled onions and shrooms..mmmm. We do the red peppers and zuccini right on the grill. Good eats!
I'm amazed it took so long for an image of Hank to appear on the thread, now that I think about it.
Yep, I'm a Jersey boy. I don't have an exit # though. I'm in Wantage Twp., Sussex County, just a few miles south of High Point. I call it the West Virginia of New Jersey. Life is good!
I used to work with a guy whose girlfriend (at the time) called her mom to report "He's drunk. He's putting corn on the grill."
SD
See my #110 for another way to skin that cat.
It's on the S side of the river, the 64 side. I live not far from there, just outside Rocky Mount.
The cabin is definitely in the Red Zone. During Floyd there was 7' of water inside.
There has been a cabin there since the 50's when my grandfather built the first one, but some jackass burned it down in 1989.
We rebuilt it with concrete block the following year, so not only is it nearly fireproof, we can just pressure wash it inside and out when it floods.
Usually if we know it's going to flood, we will put the furniture up where the water can't reach.
However the water rose so quickly after the remnants of Alberto that we couldn't get down there, and now we've had to trash all the furniture.
Aaaah, a man and his grill. Life is good indeed. Enjoy the good times.
I have made pizza on mine. Used a little half spent charcoal, it wasn't that bad.
I'm on the way....I'll get some ribs and be there by suppertime!
I have been up and down that river many times. Last year it was too low to get on.
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