Posted on 07/14/2006 3:27:18 PM PDT by rzeznikj at stout
The ***OFFICIAL*** Weekend Singles Thread—July 14-16
When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.
Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun.
Chuck Norris uses red hot lava to moisturize his skin.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris can have his cake AND eat it too.
Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either.
Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral.
Chuck Norris has never had a surprise birthday party. He can NEVER be surprised. EVER.
Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.
Chuck Norris can lick his own elbows. At the same time.
Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris wrote an autobiography....it was just a list of everyone he has killed.
Einstein's original Theory of Relativity was; if Chuck Norris kicks you, your relatives will feel it.
Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.
As seen in Sidekicks, Chuck Norris can climb a rope with one hand, and one hand only.
Chuck Norris does not dance. He roundhouse kicks to the beat.
Chuck Norris can make water run uphill.
Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully load gun and won.
Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
Niagra Falls is the result of one of Chuck's legendary cannon balls.
If you were killed by Chuck Norris, your tombstone would read RIPped into pieces.
Chuck Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
Chuck Norris understands the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident....and still managed to walk it off.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. No one, and I mean NO ONE can beat Chuck Norris at tennis. Except maybe Victoria Delsoul. But it would be a close match.
Chuck Norris had his tonsils removed with a chainsaw.
The Great Wall of China was built to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
A handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.
Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.
Chuck Norris doesn't Freep. He simply stands in front of the pinko protesters and they faint at his feet.
Phil? Phil, are you there?
I posted what you had last night. I din't get your additions until after I posted.
If worst comes to worst, we can post them tomorrow...
Never been west of Minneapolis, much less to Seattle...
Now *that's* impressive...
True, but not as impressive as:
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris invented water.
I'm still more impressed by the 2001 thing. ;-)
I've always thought maybe it just required being thoroughly stoned.
I'm still miffed at Kenseth's wreck in last week's race, if for no other reason than I absoultey despise Gordon and the Hendrick team like it's going out of style.
Kenseth's from my neck of the woods--so he's the hometown favorite...
Perhaps...
Ohhh, that's right, I forget he's from Wisconsin.
Yep...
Hey, Jeff--can you help Old_Mil out with advice on where to go in Seattle?
Aw, man...I had added so much more...
Do you know the difference between a blow job & a Big Mac?
Being a native of the Badger State, I figured I'd bring along a few culinary things Wisconsin is known for:
Bratwurst
Cheese
Beer
Beer Cheese Soup
Er, no...
Something tells me this is not, er, clean...8^)
Can I join you?
I'm gone all day--I don't expect to be back online till after 6pm Central...
That's ok, I don't really care for Big Macs.
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