Posted on 07/14/2006 3:27:18 PM PDT by rzeznikj at stout
The ***OFFICIAL*** Weekend Singles Thread—July 14-16
When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.
Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun.
Chuck Norris uses red hot lava to moisturize his skin.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris can have his cake AND eat it too.
Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either.
Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral.
Chuck Norris has never had a surprise birthday party. He can NEVER be surprised. EVER.
Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.
Chuck Norris can lick his own elbows. At the same time.
Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris wrote an autobiography....it was just a list of everyone he has killed.
Einstein's original Theory of Relativity was; if Chuck Norris kicks you, your relatives will feel it.
Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.
As seen in Sidekicks, Chuck Norris can climb a rope with one hand, and one hand only.
Chuck Norris does not dance. He roundhouse kicks to the beat.
Chuck Norris can make water run uphill.
Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully load gun and won.
Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
Niagra Falls is the result of one of Chuck's legendary cannon balls.
If you were killed by Chuck Norris, your tombstone would read RIPped into pieces.
Chuck Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
Chuck Norris understands the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident....and still managed to walk it off.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. No one, and I mean NO ONE can beat Chuck Norris at tennis. Except maybe Victoria Delsoul. But it would be a close match.
Chuck Norris had his tonsils removed with a chainsaw.
The Great Wall of China was built to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
A handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.
Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.
How awful.... good thing they have warnings against smoking at gas stations. Imagine if someone had lit one up around you! Yikes.
He's already married?
Wow...I wasn't THINKING about marriage at 21!
I'm 24 and not thinking about it.
Baby is almost 8 months old and just a silly little boy!
MAX!!!!!!
I am just now thinking about it...and I'll be 29 in less than a month.
LOL...
In for a few before I walk out the door. Again...
Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Chuck Norris is looking for it.
Chuck Norris knows everything…except the definition of mercy.
In Desert Storm the reason why the Iraqi army surrendered so quickly because they knew Chuck Norris was coming.
Chuck Norris stared death in the face, and it backed down
Most people are afraid of the Grim Reaper. Chuck Norris refers to him as a “promising rookie.”
You can lead a horse to water but cannot make him drink. Unless you’re Chuck Norris.
On Valentine's Day, Chuck Norris gives his wife the still beating heart of one of his enemies. Being very romantic, Chuck Norris believes every day should be Valentine's Day.
Chuck Norris let the dogs out.
Chuck Norris could shoot someone and still have time to roundhouse kick him in the face before the bullet hit.
The Seven Wonders of the ancient world were: Chuck Norris' left and right hands, his left and right feet, his belly button, his liver, and his beard.
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
There are aliens out there. They just know better than to come to a planet that has Chuck Norris on it.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.
There was no Hurricane Katrina. Chuck Norris was in New Orleans, and someone served him some bad gumbo.
The original plan in 1945 was to end WWII by sending Chuck Norris to Japan. But they decided to drop two atomic bombs instead, because that was the “more humane” thing to do.
They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."
The best part of waking up isn’t Folger’s in your cup…it’s knowing that Chuck Norris didn’t kill you in your sleep.
Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead.
Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help.
The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.
After returning from World War 2 unscathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.
Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.
Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.
The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease"
Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked inthe face by Chuck Norris.
Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he’s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.
There’s an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.
Chuck Norris officially approves this thread. Better feel lucky, FReeper singles.
Back in--thanks for covering the ping...
Neither am I...
...Heck, I've barely given a thought about dating, let alone marriage 8^)
That was the rest of it. There were more pictures, but none of them came through.
Chuck Norris was supposed to star in 24. Norris was replaced by Kiefer Sutherland because Norris hated when the TV crew had to follow him to the grocery store, and the bank, and the gas station for 23 hours after he solved the terrorist plot and killed the terrorists in hour 1.
OK...
Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."
Thanks for the ping
Howdy snugs...
Oh that food looks good.
Hi there, Snugs!
You're quite welcome.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.