Posted on 07/14/2006 3:27:18 PM PDT by rzeznikj at stout
The ***OFFICIAL*** Weekend Singles Thread—July 14-16
When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.
Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun.
Chuck Norris uses red hot lava to moisturize his skin.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris can have his cake AND eat it too.
Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either.
Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral.
Chuck Norris has never had a surprise birthday party. He can NEVER be surprised. EVER.
Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.
Chuck Norris can lick his own elbows. At the same time.
Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris wrote an autobiography....it was just a list of everyone he has killed.
Einstein's original Theory of Relativity was; if Chuck Norris kicks you, your relatives will feel it.
Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.
As seen in Sidekicks, Chuck Norris can climb a rope with one hand, and one hand only.
Chuck Norris does not dance. He roundhouse kicks to the beat.
Chuck Norris can make water run uphill.
Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully load gun and won.
Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
Niagra Falls is the result of one of Chuck's legendary cannon balls.
If you were killed by Chuck Norris, your tombstone would read RIPped into pieces.
Chuck Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
Chuck Norris understands the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident....and still managed to walk it off.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. No one, and I mean NO ONE can beat Chuck Norris at tennis. Except maybe Victoria Delsoul. But it would be a close match.
Chuck Norris had his tonsils removed with a chainsaw.
The Great Wall of China was built to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
A handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.
Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.
I'm still here sitting in the front lobby and playing FreeCell :p
Weather.com calling for a high of 94 on Sunday...and 90s through much of the next week.
LOL.
My 21st was not toned down, I can tell you that.
Unnngh...
Looks like it's going to be a hot one this weekend...
(cue up Hot Town Summer in the City)
I've got just under 7 months, or according to my clock in Firefox, 211 days.
Hers shouldn't be too wild.
Good to hear...
I know a bunch of people from school that just went hog-wild...
My older son just turned 21 this past April. He is behaving and will probably make sure his wife does, too.
Mine was just last Wednesday, I'm 24 now, not that it'll do any good.
What's even crazier is that I turn 21 on a Sunday.
Though fortunately in WI, I could enter the tavern at 12:01am (no law banning the so-called "power hour")
When I turned 21 I was in Ft. Jackson for basic training.
Oh, okay. Making sure no trolls were around or anything.
There was a bill in the WI Legislature that would have lowered the drinking age to 19 for military personnel stationed in-state...
I still think the NMDA was a horrible idea from the start. MADD and SADD both figured that if the nation raised the drinking age to 21, then young people would stop dying in alcohol-related crashes--as kids would stop drinking because of its illegality.
In fact, the exact opposite happened. More kids are drawn to booze precisely because it's illegal. Plus, the laws are so rigid they don't allow parents to supervise their child's drinking...
My folks control when and where I drink--the idea is to foster moderation and good drinking habits...
LOL.
Phil's on late night zot patrol.
LOL
Now what kind of trolls would invade the $1's thread...
Mr. Late-Night Viking Kitty Summoner...
O 'Zar of the Zot...
Opps, why was that orange?
When he complains of any of his employees goofing off, I wonder where my real child is.
I've listened to waaaaayy too many Butt-Wipe Fake heros ads one too many times...
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