"Soccer is un-American."

The Clarion Herald ^ | July 1, 2006 | Father William Maestri

[Ebenezer]

Father William Maestri with the Catholic Archdiocese of New Orleans, Louisiana makes this damning (at least to soccer moms nationwide) remark in his latest column on The Clarion Herald, the Archdiocese's newspaper. The quote is just the proverbial tip of the iceberg as he rants in no uncertain terms against this sport which he mockingly calls "kickball".

But then, what is the Padre's sport of choice? Not basketball, not football, not even "the national pastime" of baseball. It's tennis; Wimbledon tennis!

The article is available only in .pdf format, so I urge fellow FReepers to access it through the source URL, read it, and reach your own conclusions. While I agree with Father's disdain for fútbol, "take me out to the ball game".....anytime.

[ShadowDancer]

What was that? Pig Latin?

[Eurotwit]

FWIW. I think Americas best and brightest have been using the metric system for ages.

The ladies and gentlement at Caltech and MIT are not fooling around with pints, except at thursday night drinks at the bar.

Cheers.

[real saxophonist]

Just stoppin' by...

[Clemenza]

I am of Polish and Italian heritage, but an AMERICAN through and through!

Sorry, effeminate Euros and South Americans in short-shorts kicking a ball does not appeal to me...

[Eurotwit]

What game did you watch?

Sorry, watching the France-Portugal game must have made me sleepy :-)

[groanup]

Soccer is for sissy euros and third worlders.

And parents who don't want to put their kids in demanding, competitve situations.

God forbid their kids should be up in the bottom of the last inning with the game on the line. They might have to prove themselves.

[upier]

What an insult to kickball.

[eddie willers]

Metric is clearly the way to go

I remember that the US would be metric by the 1970s...if we survived the global cooling.

[ShadowDancer]

LOL. Not World Cup, it was my nephews' team. I did end up catching a little of the Italy/Germany one at their house yesterday, though. I'm learning all sorts of lingo like 'hacker' and 'shoot out'.

[Petronski]

Well said.

I'll just add that there's little more tedious than "my sport is better than your sport."

[jjbrouwer]

'Sorry, effeminate Euros and South Americans in short-shorts kicking a ball does not appeal to me...'

You are getting excited just thinking about it.

[Xenalyte]

OMG, you are cracking me up!

[Alberta's Child]

Soccer would be a far more popular sport if they: 1) updated the rules so the game is brought up to mid-20th century standards (i.e., don't time the stupid game in a manner that made sense when an hourglass was the most accurate device for measuring time); 2) issued a 10-game suspension every time one of those candy-@ssed drama queens falls on the ground and flops around as if he's on death's door; and 3) immediately fired any official -- even in the middle of a game -- who monkeys around with the rules in a manner that makes a farce of the game (e.g., yesterday's game between Germany and Italy, where an Italian foul that was clearly committed inside their own 18-yard box was mysteriously ruled as a free kick outside the box instead of a penalty kick).

We can dispense with the silly "non-stop intense play requiring the highest degree of athleticism" nonsense. Soccer is a much slower game than a lot of folks may realize. At any given time there are no more than 3-4 players on either team who are moving at a pace faster than a brisk walk. Oddly enough, the one guy on the field who looks like he runs around more frequently -- and over a longer distance throughout the game -- than anyone else is the referee!

[xsmommy]

everyone wins, no one goes home a loser

Praise the Lord, everyone's self esteem can remain intact! all the innerchildren will be nourished, the world is a better place indeed with this gay sport!

[KarlInOhio]

My primary problem with soccer is the offside rule. Spice up the game and get some scores up to 5-4 by kicking the ball to a player running down the field towards the goal. Yes, I know the rule is to keep players from camping in front of the opponent's goal waiting to get the ball and score. The game could use someone camping down there.

When baseball got a little too defensive the mound was dropped a couple of inches to aid the batters, the ball was juiced up a bit (oops, not supposed to mention that) and the players were juiced up more than a bit (oops, really not supposed to mention that). The rules of soccer need to change to get out of the nil-nil doldrums it seems to be in.

[SmoothTalker]

Very good points. Thank you.

[Alberta's Child]

I understand baseball's appeal, and I can sort of understand football's appeal (though that sport is diminishing by the hour in my eyes), but there's no question that ice hockey is the greatest sport ever invented. You simply can't beat that kind of high-speed, non-stop action along with the game's great, storied traditions.

[Lazamataz]

Wow, we got all the old-timers today. Remember that first thread we all met on, the Political Haiku thread, back in 1999?

I still remember my best Haiku from that thread:

Swirling voids of lies
Well-dressed men telling falsehoods,
Politicians suck.

[tarator]

don't ask me to give up my pint of beer

Pints are for sissies. Real men drink beer with a litre-sized stein.

[spankalib]

From King of the Hill:

HANK: "Bobby, I never thought I'd need to tell you this, but I would be a bad parent if I didn't. Soccer was invented by European ladies to keep them busy while their husbands did the cooking."