The Author is on the left.
You realize some conservative is spending $50,000 a year to turn his kid into a queer fool?
Posted on 06/02/2006 8:00:00 PM PDT by Vision
I have never liked Al Gore. I always found him stiff, wooden and robotic, much like my debut performance in “Model Man.” This is largely the fault of his handlers, the media and “Saturday Night Live.” They mocked him for claiming to have invented the internet. They parodied his mirthless speaking voice. They made funny little cartoon drawings of his hawk-like nose and small eyes.
I fell for it. I fell hard, like a blind kid taking the stairs.
But now I know differently. Al Gore isn’t stiff and droll — he’s sexy. A sexy robot, like Jessica Simpson. And with brains to boot.
What changed my mind? The trailer for “An Inconvenient Truth,” the new documentary about global warming starring sexy beast Al Gore. The film is essentially a multimedia presentation on the most serious plight facing our planet, with commentary from Tin Man Gore.
The media has been slavering all over the film. A.O. Scott, understated as always, called it “a necessary film.” The New Yorker’s David Remnick, as if crafting a Romantic-era paean, referred to Gore as “a symbol of what might have been.” Similarly smug language peppers every media article about the film, immediately setting off my “Ugh!” alert. Not that I have anything against the media — for the last six years I’ve worked in one media organization or another. But the media — especially the liberal media — is full of lemmings. And although I agree politically with most liberal commentators, I can’t help but find their righteousness a bit nauseating.
It doesn’t help to come from a Republican family. “Humans are causing global warming?” my dad might say at the dinner table. “So who caused the Ice Age — woolly mammoths?” I just nod and chew my steak noisily.
It’s a good thing I didn’t let the media or my background stop me from giving Al Gore a second chance. I haven’t seen “An Inconvenient Truth” yet, but the trailer was enough to scare me. (You can see it on http://www.apple.com/trailers, under the Paramount Classics subsection.) In it, Gore shows a 75-year-old photo of a Patagonian glacier: A river of blue-white ice, miles long. Then he shows the same vista as it appears today: Instead of a glacier and snow-capped mountains, there is a lake and dirt-brown peaks. He uses the same technique on Mt. Kilimanjaro, which is in danger of completely losing its snowcap.
I have never been to Mt. Kilimanjaro, something that makes my inner Hemingway sulk. (Actually, he’d probably sulk no matter what I did. He’d sulk, drink a mojito, then shoot a lion.) But I have been to Patagonia and seen the glaciers. Glacier Grey, as seen from the John Grey Pass in Torres del Paine National Park in Southern Chile, is a two-mile-long stretch of thousand-year-old ice and snow. I’d like to see it again someday. But I don’t like the idea of having to hurry up to do so.
Polar bears and penguins are also high on my sight-seeing list. A polar bear hunting a penguin is even higher, even though this only happens in cartoons. I want to travel to the Maldives, take an Alaskan cruise and own a beachfront home in Northern California. All of this will be a lot harder to do once the ice caps melt, the continents bake and President Bush has Al Gore killed during the 2008 primaries. (Why take chances?)
I am pessimistic about the possibility of throwing back the carbon quilt over the earth in our lifetime. I don’t think “An Inconvenient Truth” will do the trick. But to get a politically jaded guy like myself all heated up (pun most definitely intended), it must be doing something right.
Fire off an email to Barrett at barretts@stanford.edu.
I can't even think of anything witty to say to this. (((Shudder)))
All right. Who's gonna clean this vomit off my shoes?
I can't even think of anything witty to say to this.
They got it half right?.....:)
"carbon quilt" is a new one on me. I was just beginning to understand the "footprint"
Ummm...no. It is because he is stiff, wooden and robotic. What a moron.
Not to mention the fact it caused me to think of this guy looking at Al Gore in a pornographic mnanner.
((((shudder again)))
So, he just chews his steak at dinner with dad?
What a Maroon! I feel so sorry for his parents.
And this is who Gore Attracts? Go Dummies! go for Gore!ha.
"Mt. Kilimanjaro, which is in danger of completely losing its snowcap. "
Say...isn't that one of the signs of the Apocalypse?
Naaaah.
Didn't think so.
Gee whiz, man, if sexy Gore gets his way with America, you won't have a tin quarter to purchase transportation to these exotic locations. But never you mind that. Just get all emotional about the destruction of ice by industrial society. It's a pleasant way to rebel against your Republican daddy. (Oh, and that's another thing, forget the juicy steak. You'll be lucky to stand in line for cabbage when we become the Socialist United States of Gore.)
LOL!!!! Just wait until he encounters ManBearPig in a dark semi-deforested rainforest!
Leni
LOLOL!
Thanks
Barrett, my boy, sounds like you wrote this article bent over and hoping Al would show up at your party! Hope you enjoyed yourself!
LOL! What a fairy! OMG, I haven't seen so much mirth inspiring prose in one article in I can't tell you how long!!!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.