. Well, I am not sure I saw a question there but maybe a statement & sigh????
So I will share some misc. thoughts on the topic. So many share the struggle with parents.
Part of this maybe means they did their job well? Give em roots BUT give em wings etc? . Part of their mentality MIGHT just be to keep you crazy so you dont desire to live with them until you are 40?
Okay, now to look a bit more deeply & seriously.
There are two sad situations.(1) Kids(of any age..- kids can be 60 & parents 80) who strongly dislike each other dont speak, have heated regular disagreements
and the second scenario,,,(2) kids/parents who cant cut the umbilical cord. Mommys boy? Parents NEEDING kids to be their best friends. Bad boundaries make for bad parenting. Period.
Good mental health in the parents will HELP insure good mental health on the part of the kids. If the parents are paddling with just one oar in the lake. Chances are the kids might also.
Needy dependent parents will raise kids that are the same. Selfish parents will raise kids that often feel rejected. Parents who feel they missed out on life because of you will often reflect it in their relation to you. Were you born out of wedlock, were you the last child (when they thought they were done 10 years prior), were they very poor ? Was their marriage rocky? Is dad not married to your mom? Not good reasons for rejecting a child, but reasons.
Just because they are your parents does NOT mean they are more mature, giving & nurturing than you are.
One thing you must look at carefully. Often children(again any age) with parents they dont get along with.. Subconsciously are always trying to please them..(the co-dependent kicking in), When they try to be cordial & tell of the things they do to please them, they are again disappointed to be kicked in the face.
Some parents will never be pleased by what you do, who you marry, the amount of money you make, the clothes you wear, the way you cook and alas, the air you breath. There simply is NO pleasing them..
Other parents can sire Jack the Ripper & you would think he is ready for sainthood. Taint fair for sure!
Once you leave the nest, you have the option to be with who fulfills your life. It may or may not include parents or any relative,. Some chose locales to live quite far away for that reason.
Part of the midlife process is the analyzing of parents & your relation to them. This is often when repressed events of child/sexual abuse manifest. What you need to understand is WHY you feel the way you do towards your parents. Many parents have a very difficult time letting go of their children. This is especially true of moms.. the nurturing instinct is strong on the X chromosome .(that is why so many get & bond tightly with dogs/cats when they are empty nesters). A parent who can develop healthy boundaries with their children is a gift.. a treasure. Being there when wanted but in general MYOB mentality.
Some fathers are very controlling & critical of their sons.. scars that can last a lifetime are the gifts from dad. Some moms are very jealous of their daughters & the relationship they have with their dads(and THEIR hubbys).. that can be a life long struggle.
It is important to realize that so much we do & experience is subconscious. I truly believe there are few if any parents who want to be BAD parents. We each enter parenthood with the teaching from our own parents.. (HORRORS). We swear we will never be like mom/dad or do or say the things they do.. but alas, one day you look in the mirror of life &: realize that mom &/or dad falls out of your mouth & life.
For those with hostile & estranged parental relations, family get-togethers can be nightmares.. I always feel for those who are in these difficult situations.
But each situation is different & the best guideline is to be cordial, return hate with smiles, bad statements with warm ones. Disarm them. You wont change them. You will NOT feel good about yourself or the situation by telling them off.
Sometimes permanent separations are necessary. Tragic but one cannot let their life & that of their spouse/kids be in turmoil over parents who are ornery. Respecting ones parents does NOT permit them to abuse you. Just be careful to make sure what is what.
This was a difficult question in many ways. One wants to love & bond with their parents. Some parents just make it doggone hard, dont they?