Posted on 05/26/2006 6:37:40 AM PDT by sully777
Memorial Day Weekend Silliness Thread
I could use some silly today.
Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.
Take the dirt from the moat and use it raise the levees in New Orleans.
Put those man eating Florida alligators in the moat.
Now. . . , any other problems you want me to solve?
Good stuff!
I think if I danced like that for six minutes, I'd have a heart attack.
Whoa. Uncanny!
Queen Nyteshade had two claims to fame. She could tell fortunes and she was a midget. The local authorities frowned on her because they thought that fortune telling was fraudulent. They had Queeny arrested. She was placed in a holding cell. Since she was so small she was able to squeeze between the bars of her cell and escape. This to incensed the judge that he ordered the local newspaper to print an article about the culprit. The following was printed in the paper the next day. Small medium at large
The maharajah of an Indian Province issued a royal decree. He ordered that no one was to kill any wild animals while he was the country's leader. The decree was honored until there were so many Bengal Tigers running loose that the people revolted and threw the maharajah from power. This is the first known instance of the reign being called on account of the game.
Trouser was normally a happy-go-lucky dog. He would chase tennis balls, play with other doggies, and eat his dinner without a fuss. He was a dog without a care. But on that fateful autumn afternoon, it was to be different. Trouser's owners were walking him along a trail at the park, when suddenly from out of the bushes jumped a man all dressed in black. He had white paint on his face, and was gesturing annoyingly at Trouser's masters. This strange person spoke not a word, but proceeded to pretend that he was trapped in a box and that he was pulling on a long rope. Seeing the sheer horror on his masters' faces, Trouser took it upon himself to rectify the situation. With a low growl he jumped and sank his teeth into this annoying pseudo clown's leg. Trouser immediately got a sickened look in his eyes and began to vomit wildly. He then dragged his tongue all over the ground in an effort to remove the man's foul essence from his mouth. For Trouser had learned that .... a mime is a terrible thing to taste.
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I knew it all along! LOL! That's great!
You're killing me!!!!!!!
It's really quiet here at my office.
The other line moves faster.
Mine too!
Not even any of the secretaries are here to flirt with!
Going for the kill!!!! LOL
Story of a conductor
He was a mediocre conductor of a mediocre orchestra. He had been having problems with the basses; they were the least professional of his musicians. It was the last performance of the season, Beethoven?s 9th Symphony, which required extra effort from the basses at the end. Earlier that evening, he found the basses celebrating one of their birthdays by passing a bottle around. As he was about to cue the basses, he knocked over his music stand. The sheet music scattered. As he stood in front of his orchestra, his worst fear was realized; it was the bottom of the 9th, no score and the basses were loaded.
A research group was engaged in a study of longevity in mammals and had recently focused their attention on a particular species of porpoise, which they studied from their floating laboratory off the coast of Baja Mexico. They came to believe that, if fed just the right combination of nutrients, this particular porpoise could, in theory, live forever.
To put this to the test, they studied the world's flora and fauna to see if any naturally occurring organism would fit the bill. They finally narrowed the selection down to an unusual species of mynah bird, and they sent a team of researchers off to gather a specimen.
It turns out that the mynah bird in question was quite rare, living only in a single tree in Kenya. The research team finally arrived at the tree to capture a bird, only to find that the tree was surrounded by a pride of very hungry lions, precluding any reasonable attempt to approach and climb the tree.
A suggestion was made that the lions might be manageable if they could be fed, and a couple of fat cape buffalo were captured and offered to the lions. The hungry lions devoured the hapless beasts and lay down upon the grass to digest their meal.
One of the researchers then gingerly tiptoed past the lions, climbed the tree, and had little difficulty capturing one of the mynah birds. He climbed back down the tree and walked past the lions to rejoin the group when a game warden appeared and arrested him for (what else)...
"Transporting mynahs across sated lions for immortal porpoises."
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