Grrr! Susan Wal-Martian Is Back

Fox News ^ | 4/18/06 | Mike Straka

[Millee]

Susan Wal-Martian embodies everything that is annoying in an Oblivion.

At the office she's everybody's "big sister," making sure co-workers are getting to the doctor to get that persistent cough checked out, or commenting on the attire of everyone within sight, drawing attention to people who don't necessarily care for it.

"Wow, that's a terrific sweater Janeane," or "Great tie, Joe."

But perhaps Susan's most annoying quirk is how every story anybody is telling always seems to relate to Susan. It's magical, really.

For instance, if one has a headache, well, Susan has migraines that debilitate her whenever they come on. In fact, Susan "usually" keeps a bottle of green apple shampoo that she can sniff whenever she feels a migraine coming on, but when asked to produce said bottle, she must have left it home.

When Susan has a rash on her back it's actually a case of shingles, and pain in her shoulder is most definitely bursitis or early onset arthritis, something that just happens to run in her family.

And please don't bring up any bathroom ailments,

[retrokitten]

"Tomster! How's the Tomster doing?"
"Billy Boy! Whassup wit da Billster?"

ROTFL!!! (It's only funny cause he doesn't work in my office....yet)

[Allegra]

we'd love to get rid of this woman. She disrupts the entire office. She throws temper tantrums when someone "wastes her time." (Oh, how dare they.) She is the epitome of narcissism and obsessive compulsive disorder.

Sounds just like our monster. And here, we don't just work together. We all live in the same freakin' place.

That's how we finally got ours out of here. She went off into a tantrum fit just one too many times and really lost it. She had been warned about it. They made me fire her, because she was my employee, but now I'm a hero. People have told me my two predecessors tried to do it and something always prevented it. Everybody, ex-pats and locals alike, despised her.

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

It's only funny cause he doesn't work in my office....yet

All in all he's a great guy. Personable, intelligent, politically saavy but it's this one tick that makes us all laugh...and then it gets old real fast.

[FourtySeven]

I've noticed that too; that's why I've limited my visits.

[Allegra]

"anal seepage"

Now that's a phrase we need to see more often in this forum.

And it would be a superb name for a band.

[peacebaby]

eh gads! You had to fire her?

btw, what's two weeks?

[Allegra]

Yes, I had to fire her. She had been on suspension for three days (not allowed to come out of her room), so I guess she had calmed down. I thought she might go off (because she is unstable) and I had Security stay right outside my office door as I delivered the news, but she accepted it calmly. Snootily and smirking, but no fireworks.

Two weeks is when I get to ESCAPE to the REAL WORLD for a couple of weeks! Yesssss!

[peacebaby]

boy, I'm happy for you to have that time in the real world!

[Allegra]

The real world is a magical place where I can walk freely in the streets and actually go places. And eat good food - anytyhing I want! And see lots of green grass and trees and see different people every single day and see such a multitude of things in shops that can be bought or just looked at...

I love the real world.

[peacebaby]

where are you going?

[Allegra]

My youngest sister, FReeper Wazoo1031 lives in England and we're going to meet up in London and tear that up for a few days and then head to Ireland (our ancestral roots) to do as the Irish do and get specatularly drunk. Oh...and we'll do touristy stuff during the day.

We have a mission to act so obnoxious in Madame Toussand's Wax Museum in London that we get kicked out. And we'll go see some theater, some other touristy things and probably get glorioulsy drunk at some point there as well. :-)

My sister has this really cool talent where she can belch so loudly and yet with such tone and resonance that it can rattle windows on the next block. And she's very sweet and demure looking which makes it even funnier. Me...I have this really horrid snort noise that I unleash at appropriate moments. Bewteen the two of us, we can stir things up rather nicely.

We will behave in the theater, though. We do have our standards. LOL

[JRios1968]

Did you send her out in a C-5? ;)

[Muzzle_em]

HILARIOUS!