Grrr! Susan Wal-Martian Is Back

Fox News ^ | 4/18/06 | Mike Straka

[Millee]

Susan Wal-Martian embodies everything that is annoying in an Oblivion.

At the office she's everybody's "big sister," making sure co-workers are getting to the doctor to get that persistent cough checked out, or commenting on the attire of everyone within sight, drawing attention to people who don't necessarily care for it.

"Wow, that's a terrific sweater Janeane," or "Great tie, Joe."

But perhaps Susan's most annoying quirk is how every story anybody is telling always seems to relate to Susan. It's magical, really.

For instance, if one has a headache, well, Susan has migraines that debilitate her whenever they come on. In fact, Susan "usually" keeps a bottle of green apple shampoo that she can sniff whenever she feels a migraine coming on, but when asked to produce said bottle, she must have left it home.

When Susan has a rash on her back it's actually a case of shingles, and pain in her shoulder is most definitely bursitis or early onset arthritis, something that just happens to run in her family.

And please don't bring up any bathroom ailments,

[DeFault User]

Maybe she needs some Lamisil.

Is that the stuff that has side effects like ALS, high blood pressure, diabetes, low gas mileage and anal seepage?

My toes can remain icky, thanks.

[Muzzle_em]

I had the displeasure of working with one of those.
Her former boss later ADMITTED that he had only hired her because of her looks (she did look like a model), but she was dumb as a stick AND was PSYCHOTIC. She worked there 4 years and could NOT file, type, or do anything and would throw a fit if anyone questioned her screw-ups.

[peacebaby]

And right now, she's pontificating...she likes every one to hear her oratorical skills.

I'z figna vommik!

[Allegra]

Is that the stuff that has side effects like ALS, high blood pressure, diabetes, low gas mileage and anal seepage?

LOL! I always laugh at some of those "side effects may include..." disclaimers. Most of the time they sound much worse than the aliment you're trying to alleviate.

I remember one a few years ago that had a potential side effect of "oily discharge." We started calling a co-worker we didn't like "Oily Discharge."

I mean....gross!!

[retrokitten]

low gas mileage and anal seepage?

LMAO!

[Allegra]

And right now, she's pontificating...she likes every one to hear her oratorical skills.

Right now at this moment?

Makes me so glad we finally got rid of ours today.

We're literally having a party in the bar tomorrow evening to celebrate. (When she's actually out of our airpsace. She's at the transient compound over by the airport this evening.)

[DeFault User]

I have to credit Jeff Foxworthy on the wording. He has a hilarious routine on the side effects of advertised wonder drugs. He can rattle off a huge list of same--the low gas mileage and anal seepage were two that I remembered.

[Toby06]

I wanna talk about me
Wanna talk about i
Wanna talk about number one
Oh my me my
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
I like talking about you you you you, usually, but occasionally I wanna talk about me (me,me,me,-background singers)
I wanna talk about me

[Allegra]

She worked there 4 years and could NOT file, type, or do anything and would throw a fit if anyone questioned her screw-ups.

Sounds like the one we just got rid of. Except she didn't look like a model. She just thought she did. She wore skimpy little clothes with rolls of fat hanging out for all to see. The guys would shudder as she passed by them.

I LOVE talking about her in the past tense! Woooohooo!

[retrokitten]

I remember one a few years ago that had a potential side effect of "oily discharge." We started calling a co-worker we didn't like "Oily Discharge."

ROTFL!!! That is hysterical!!

My mom had to see this new doctor once cause hers was on vacation or something. Anyway, he started telling her about this fabulous weight loss drug and he said, "But there are a couple of minor side effects." What was this "minor" side effect?? Frequent and uncontrollable diarrhea! Lovely! Needless to say, she passed and just went on a diet.

[relictele]

How regrettable - Fox News has joined the legions of annoying sites that now pester the end-user with Javascript floating/scrolling popups and other dancing baloney. I will limit my visits from now on (their site was always a bit poor anyway)....

I have Flash disabled and a strong software firewall, but they persist in their juvenile look-at-me behavior.

Time to add adsonar.com to the blacklist......

[Maximus of Texas]

"anal seepage"

Now that's a phrase we need to see more often in this forum.

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

"Jerry, Jerry, my man! Makin' some copies! Copy, copy, copy. Whatcha copyin' today, Jerry?"

I sit near a guy like that. I swear he has Tourette's.
He is from Turkey originally and sits there and blurts....

"Tomster! How's the Tomster doing?"
"Billy Boy! Whassup wit da Billster?"

He isn't addressing these co-workers directly...he is doing this while reading log files on his terminal.

I have to remind him to STFU when I go on a conference call.

[retrokitten]

I swear somedays it's like a cross between Seinfeld and Office Space.

[najida]

Call her Popette Veranda ;)

[peacebaby]

we'd love to get rid of this woman. She disrupts the entire office. She throws temper tantrums when someone "wastes her time." (Oh, how dare they.) She is the epitome of narcissism and obsessive compulsive disorder.

[retrokitten]

I think she works with me now.

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

I love that song. Great video too.

[peacebaby]

:`)

I'm not that nice.

[retrokitten]

They are probably the best ones. LOL!!