Posted on 03/29/2006 4:48:11 AM PST by gobucks
"I just want to be a wife and a mother". That is what she said about 10 years ago when we married. But she also wanted to work. One thing led to another, then to an MBA, and now she has a great job with high pay. And she is pregnant again, which of course we're thrilled about. Little Gb was born last summer, and this is welcome news, given how many years it took to bring this about.
But lately, she has made it plain: she wants to become a full time stay at home wife and mother. Her career now has zero allure. And so, upon my shoulders it is looking like the full weight of supporting the family will rest. This is a road that is quite alien for me I have to report. I was born in 1963, and the norm was watching the women of a household do housework, and work outside the home.
I have decided I want this too, though the transition doesn't appear to be one that will be painless. For example, we really like the house our two incomes pay for. But, nonetheless, given the "Back to Puritanism" road we took a few years ago (which we know directly led to solving the infertility question), this step is inevitable for us.
So, now, I'm looking for Freeper Advice, from wives and/or Husbands. What happened when she stopped working and stayed at home? How did that make things better or worse? How would have you changed the process to make it more smooth? And if you had to do it over, would she still quit her job, and stay at home?
Although a thread can be used for a lot of laughs, and this one can too, I'm actually looking for honest reports of what it was like, when only the Husband, who enjoyed the fruits of two incomes, suddenly became the sole bread winner.
Thanks ahead of time!!
L
Do it. :) I am a stay at home mom. I have been for 10 yrs. To help out from time to time I did consulting work or kept someone's infant. The stress of working and being a fulltime mom are too much and is a strain on the marriage. My youngest is 4, soon to be 5 and next year I have plans to go back to work, teaching. Your wife can do the same. Just clean up your bills, while she is working bankroll as much as you can. But the rewards for your family life will be worth it all. Best wishes.
You'll be 60+ when next one leaves...prepare to work until death...
Many thanks for the encouragement.
LOL, I actually plan to never retire anyway. I have visited Florida retiree locations more than once, and seen the future for myself. Not for me, no way, no how.
We moved. Nice home, but newer, more neighborhood, further away from the city, and lots less expensive. Kept cars (we always did that). Now, with the Muffin turning 7 and the Biscuit almost 5, I work PT as a consultant; mostly from home, but can travel a bit with help from my dear husband.
Best. Decision. Ever.
Good luck.
Go ahead and order some desk calendars for work, say until 2033, or so.
I'm a househusband due to my disability but my wife has a good career. We don't live high on the hog or anything but a little frugality goes a long way.
I wish my wife would have a baby. It may not be strictly conventional but I think having either parent at home is a good thing. I know I would be thrilled to have a child to care for.
WIFE WITH A GREAT JOB - Lots of money coming in!
WIFE AT HOME WITH CHILDREN - PRICELESS!
I suspect that your wife is and will be a great mom. Imagine how much better your children will turn out with mom at home. The issue is how much better the change will be for your children. That's the only issue. What's good for you or your wife is secondary.
Many thanks ... it is wonderful to hear your report. And your words about 'sacrificing' ... hmmm. That was a bit convicting, and thus helpful. Thanks for that too...
Time to start checking on public housing.
Interesting post I just read-
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-religion/1605256/posts
Though perhaps not all of it is applicable- it's something to think about.
I guess the question you must ask yourself, is, what do I value?
I'm ten years older than you, and so I've seen the results of moms who stayed home raising children- and the results of those who had jobs/careers while caring for the children. I can tell you without hesitation- the families of the moms who saw their children's upbringing as their priority were and still are- the happiest.
The world outside of home is a very seductive place- it's easy to fall into wanting stuff we see out there, and it's hard to discipline ourselves to avoid it.
Instead of sharing my experiences as both a stay-at-home mom..and later a single mom- again I'll pose the question that will answer all the others- what do you value?
"Best. Decision. Ever."
I'm smiling, and Mrs. Gb is going to really really like this thread when she starts her day. Thank you very much.
Do I detect a bit of a whine there? If so, stop it now. Be proud your wife wants to raise your kids rather than shuffle them off to some uncaring babysitter. No one can raise your children better than you or your wife - especially since you've gone through the agonies of infertility. Buck up and be the dad.
As for any perceived financial crisis... good gawd, you're comparing your children to some paycheck. Again, buck up and be a dad. So what, you won't be able to afford to go out to eat and party every night or buy that new techno gadget with all the bells and whistles... instead you will have memories and good times with the family.
If you can get over the zeroes on the paycheck long enough to set a budget and stick to it, you can still enjoy life. You wife won't be raking up mileage on her car, not to mention the price of gas, by not going to work. She won't have the lunch expense or the clothing expense or the grooming expense or the office gift giving expense or the hundred other expenses connected with work. Call the insurance company to take her car off "to work". She'll be able to make healthy meals at home rather than being rushed and being forced to bring home pricey take out.
You have the kids for 18 years. In the scheme of things, that's not long. It's over before you know it. You can not get that time back. It's not just staying home to raise them when they're little, but it's even more important to be home when they're teens. If she wants to stay home when they're in high school, thank her because they'll be all the better for it.
Now, go hug your wife and support any decision she makes.
By the time a working mom adds up the 'extra' expenses of daycare, gas to get to work, babysitters for those times you work over, wardrobe, the stress of dealing with a job and raising a little one....well-you may actually save money in the long run. And the benefits of having mommy at home is beyond compare.
I work from home, the kids have since grown and gone, but if there is a way for her to do some work from home that would be the ticket too. Kids=FIRST priority :) Good Luck to you and your wife~
"what do you value?"
Well, off the top of my head, my faith, my family, and what I have learned on the golf course. For me, it is not just a game...
But, I see your point. If the work of answering this basic simple question is not completed, then the vision of what now should look like in a few years won't appear.
And a few years from now will look alot like right now. I get it. Thanks for your report btw ...; I like making her happy, and it is good to hear the trend you have seen ...
"It may not be strictly conventional but I think having either parent at home is a good thing. "
Well, we are seeing this too, and thus this thread; and thanks!
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