Although a thread can be used for a lot of laughs, and this one can too, I'm actually looking for honest reports of what it was like, when only the Husband, who enjoyed the fruits of two incomes, suddenly became the sole bread winner.
Thanks ahead of time!!
L
Interesting post I just read-
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-religion/1605256/posts
Though perhaps not all of it is applicable- it's something to think about.
I guess the question you must ask yourself, is, what do I value?
I'm ten years older than you, and so I've seen the results of moms who stayed home raising children- and the results of those who had jobs/careers while caring for the children. I can tell you without hesitation- the families of the moms who saw their children's upbringing as their priority were and still are- the happiest.
The world outside of home is a very seductive place- it's easy to fall into wanting stuff we see out there, and it's hard to discipline ourselves to avoid it.
Instead of sharing my experiences as both a stay-at-home mom..and later a single mom- again I'll pose the question that will answer all the others- what do you value?
My wife stayed at home and took care of the grandchildren who came to roost (dont get me wrong, we love the kids), and I continued to work. We never were fans of buying new cars, a vehicle is transportation and utitlitarian to us, not a status symbol, so there were no big loans to pay off. Just the mortgage, and I had bought the house when the housing price bubble burst around here when the oil boom died in 1986, for one third of what the previous owner had paid. I shouldered the (now increased load--by three children), and with God's help, continue to make enough to pay the bills and then some.
In that, the effects were minimal because we live a fairly modest life.
Your lifestyle may be affected by the shift in economics. Work out a budget and if necessary, find places to make cuts.
As long as you remember that God provides for your needs and do not confuse those with your 'wants' too much, it is not bad.
BTW, do not obscess on the idea of having to do it all as far as income goes.
If your wife stays home with the kids, she will have plenty on her plate, too.
Figure out a way to make sure each of you has a share of the surplus income, too, (separate account) so you can take care of little problems or buy the occasional treat for yourselves or each other (or the kids). That will save a lot of squabbling in the long run.
I am in a similar position with a wife earning a decent income now pregnant and wanting to stay at home.
She has spent a year unemployed in the past (as a result of a move we made for my job), so we have some basic idea of what it is going to be like.
I don't know what to tell you about the macro-economic questions (mortgage, consumption, etc.) and that you will have to solve yourself. But, in terms of what it means that you are the "sole breadwinner" we do have some experience.
My wife and I have agreed that after the child has made it past 6 months and we have adjusted our lives accordingly, it is absolutely necessary for her to be earning something. Even if it really just pocket money. Otherwise it puts me in an uncomfortable situation of "controlling" the money. If she is bringing in something, then she is able to feel free to spend money on herself without asking "permission". I am sure you wife can find some type of work for an hour or two a day that let's her keep a small measure of financial independence.
The next topic is, of course, the sharing of dmosetic chores. That needs to be done by agreement. I presume you already manage that to some extent as well. The work with a baby will increase it for her, so you may not get a dramatic reduction despite her additional time at home.
Ultimately, the most important thing is communication. If issues arise, you need to discuss them immediately. Don't get into patterns in which you or she are angered by something about which the other person is unaware.
Lastly, I ask you to remember back to your childhood and think about the most positive experience. I will make a bet that it has nothing to do with something someone bought for you, but rather time you spent with people you love. When it comes to your child, s/he will remember the time you spent, not the money.
Sadly, many husbands today are selfish boys who love things more than their wives or children. I say this because I have witnessed their wives dragging themselves to work every day during difficult prenancies and forcing themselves to come back to work too soon after the birth of their babies, when their bodies and souls cry out for recuperation and bonding time with their child. Once when I was helping a pregnant young colleague clean up in the bathroom after a bout with morning sickness, I asked, "Why are you doing this?" Her eyes welled with tears as she answered, "My husband wants a bass boat." I won't tell you what I told her in return.
I will tell you what happened in the JRios household. When the lovely Mrs JRios found out she was expecting our first bundle of joy, she decided she was going to stay at home with him.
Three and a half years, a move across the country, and another child later, I have to tell you...if you haven't learned to live on one salary already, you have to hurry. The moment she decided she was going to stop working outside the home, we decided to live on just my salary (we were putting hers away in savings, which has already been depleted since...) We had to make adjustments...I had to limit and then stop bowling...I rarely if ever go play golf anymore...we gave up the SUV and now I drive a 1999 VW Beetle.
It's all about making adjustments...try now that you still have time, and then when the new bundle of joy arrives, it won't be as hard to learn.
It takes courage by your wife to want to make the change to what will be a new career for her.Give her time to adjust and be willing to help her out after work to give her a break even if she doesn't ask.Just knowing you will back her up makes all the difference.
You set the atmosphere, you are the boss.What kind of boss will you be? The home and childern, we look at it as an after thought. We have lost the value of all a home can be.It takes courage to put your trust in a man but that is what God would say is best for the family. Her time and effort invested at home will pay dividends for your family because you are making the investment. It feels like you're going against the grain, shows us how far we have come from where our values are.There is no greater or more dignified job then running your home.A big job, hats off to your wife.
Roy in Richardson,Tx
Bottom line: If you bring them into the world, UNLESS YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CHOICE, don't stick them in a daycare every day. That leaves only dinner and bathtime to spend with your child. Daycare workers will spend a far greater amount of time with your kids than you do, and that's not why you became a parent. You might regret spending too little time with them, but do you think you'll EVER regret spending too much?
It's worth the sacrifice. They are worth the sacrifice of material things. You really have only about 12 years to make a great person, then they become teenagers and you turn into their support system. 12 years goes by really quickly. You should do this, GB. Go for it. Your kids deserve it.
I would definitely say go for it. My wife and I together work one full-time equivalent (I'm 80% and she's 20%) and we love having it this way. I'm at home with our daughter 1 day a week and make sure there's plenty of daddy time that way. She's home most of the time but also at work enough to maintain sanity. I'm fortunate enough to have a job that provides benefits even though I'm not full-time.
Another thing I think is important is to find a way to live on one income immediately and put all of the second check into savings. That's actually a great thing to do even if you don't have kids as it does give a lot of flexibility down the road. We're actually choosing to live on 80% of our income (10% tithe, 10% savings/retirement) and building our budget around that level. It completely takes the stress out of it. We buy our cars with 100,000 miles on them and built our own house to eliminate car payments and minimize the mortgage. We also did a budget, each of us having our own portions that we're responsible for.
Even with our part-time arrangements, another thing that's changed is that sometimes I'll want to stay home after a full day at work and she'll be going stir crazy and want to go somewhere. Like someone else said, good communication will take care of that.