Why We Hate Cats (I Take Exception To This Debbie Schlussel Column RRRRRRRR)

Debbie Schlussel.com ^ | 03/28/06 | Debbie Schlussel

[goldstategop]

Yet another reason to hate cats: It now appears that felines may spread bird flu. In Germany, Austria, and even France, cats are being ditched left and right for that very reason.

And we don't mind one bit. We're not fans of cats. At all. Not even the annoying over-rated Andrew Lloyd Webber kind. They're as annoying as the real thing.

Dogs may be man's best friend. But cats are a complete waste of space and money. A dog will bark when an intruder approaches your home or, worse, breaks in. On the other hand, cats, instead of being loyal, are the prima donna chicks of pets. They like attention. They crave it. It's all about them. If a burglar breaks in, the cat makes nary a peep . . . and probably shows him where the jewelry and valuables are.

Now there's the bird flu. Not to mention, the fact that in parts of Asia they are: "Cats. The Other White Meat."

And then there's our theory (proven umpteen times over the years):

Men who own cats, well . . . they're a bit wimpy if not effeminate (just like cats). That doesn't mean you who have a cat because your wife or girlfriend or daughter wanted one, and you got suckered or nagged into getting one. It means you went out on your own and thought, "Gee, I need a pet on which to spend money, time, and attention. I think I'll get a kitty." He's like a man with a poodle . . . if you know what we mean.

That doesn't mean there aren't exceptions to the rule. But there are very few (if you are male and like what you read on this site, but own a cat of your own initial volition, you are probably one of those exceptions). And now, there's the bird flu to boot.

Preferred Pet of DebbieSchlussel.com

[goldstategop]

I am a guy who owns two cats and I'm not metrosexual or effeminate. I like cats because they're clean, mind their own business and aren't overly demanding of your time and attention and best of all, they don't need training to be socialized like dogs are. I know, people wouldn't think of them as man's best friend but being a male, I am one of those exceptions. Bird flu? For me and my kitties, its not an issue. :)

[rightwingintelligentsia]

I have a feeling the Viking Kitties will not be happy with this article.

[Killborn]

IT'S ON NOW! I DON'T CARE THAT SHE SLAMMED THE PRESIDENT AND THE DPW DEAL, BUT THIS IS PERSONAL!!!!!!!!!!!

[Mr. Mojo]

I like cats because they're clean, mind their own business and aren't overly demanding of your time and attention and best of all, they don't need training to be socialized like dogs are.

You forgot one: pest control

[Killborn]

ASSEMBLE THE KITTIES!!!!!

[Dark Skies]

Death to Debbie Schlussel...

signed, DS's cats.

[Not A Snowbird]

My kittens are complete daddy's girls. As soon as he sits down, they crawl into his lap and go to sleep on his chest.

[goldstategop]

Yeah, they used to be kept as ratters. As for the other white meat, I'm not thinking about it. YEOWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

[stylin19a]

answer to the question: Got Cats ?

[Gondring]

I don't think DS has any cats.

OH...you mean YOURS! ;-)

[digger48]

"I don't like you either , Debbie"

[Daralundy]

cathater ping!

[colorcountry]

I like kitties because they match my floor and I can use them as a dust mop! j/k

[Dark Skies]

I like cats because they're clean, mind their own business and aren't overly demanding of your time and attention

Do whaaaat?

[Dark Skies]

They can be yours for a small fee. I hope you'll accept cash.

[Sauce]

Too old (55) for a new puppy, have to keep my felines.

[Cecily]

We need to send this kitty over to have a "talk" with Debbie.

[mtbopfuyn]

Yeah, they used to be kept as ratters.

Humph, mine presents me with snakes.

[hindsfeetnhighplaces]

"A dog will bark when an intruder approaches your home or, worse, breaks in."

Not true. When I was thirteen my family had a cat that saved our lives once. Everyone was asleep in the house. My mom had fallen asleep with her bedroom light on while reading. Well, our cat named Mokey kept going back and forth from the foot of the bed to the window making these funny noises in her throat. My mom almost got up and put her out of her room but Mokey's hair was standing up on end, ears were back and she was looking right at the window. My Mom sat up and parted the curtain and there standing on the ledge outside her window was a man. My Mom screamed jumped up and called the police but he was gone by the time the police arrived. No telling what might have happended had it not been for our kitty.

[PzLdr]

Yo! Debbie!

Two dogs [female Shepherd, male Chessie]. NO cats! Not now. Not ever!. If you can cook, marry me!