[ErnBatavia]

A man with no arms or legs was sitting on a blanket at the beach and three wimmins approach.

The first asks him if he's ever been hugged, and he says no...she gives him a hug and walks on.

The second asks if he's ever been kissed, and upon hearing a negative, she kisses him and walks on.

The third asks if he's ever been screwed. He gulps and says he hasn't. She replies, "You will be when the tide comes in" and joins her pals.

[Auntbee]

Top 50!!! Happy TGIF everyone. Hopefully I'll get to be around today.

[Xenophobic Alien]

WAKE UP!

[backinthefold]

The buzzword in today's business world is MARKETING. However, people
often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing." Well, here it is:

You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him
and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."

That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy.
One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic
in bed."

That's Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his
telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in
bed."
That's Telemarketing.

You see a guy at a party, you straighten your dress. You walk up to him
and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to straighten his
tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the
way, I'm fantastic in bed."

That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says,
"I hear you're fantastic in bed."

That's Brand Recognition.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk
him into going home with your friend.

That's a Sales Rep.

Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.

That's Tech Support.

You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be
handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the
roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your
lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"

That's Junk Mail.

You are at a party, this well-built man walks up to you and gropes your
breast and grabs your butt.

That's the Governor of California!

You like it, but 20 years later your attorney decides you were offended.
That's America!

[ShadowAce]

Top 50!

WooHoo!

[Michael Goldsberry]

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats?
Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
Dogs

7) What was King George VI's first name?
Albert

8) What color is a purple finch?
Crimson

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
New Zealand

[Maximus of Texas]

.


Money Couldn't Buy You a Worse Name


.

[rambo316]

TGIF everybody. Thank the Good Lord that we are all alive and kicking.

[#1CTYankee]

In before 100!

[r-q-tek86]

THE BET


Two families moved from Afghanistan to America. When they arrived, the two Fathers made a bet -- in a year's time whichever family had become more Americanized would win.

A year later they met. The first man said, "My son is playing baseball, I had McDonald's for breakfast and I'm on my way to pick up a case of Bud, how about you?"

The second man replied, "F*@k you, towel head."

[Maximus of Texas]

.


At Least His Parents didn't give Him a First Name of "Fish"


At least he plays a position that won't get a lot of air time. Just think if he was a QB or even a basketball player and the PA guy had to call his name over and over again.

[Maximus of Texas]

Many of you may have seen the movie but here are some scenes not shown in the movie. If you have five minutes, watch it.


Grizzly Bear Man


.

[Deguello]

****

[backinthefold]

Blond Joke....

 

A Cajun walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He
puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished
patrons.

I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and
place my manhood inside. Then the gator will close his
mouth for one minute.

"Then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit
unscathed. In return for witnessing this
spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.".
The crowd murmured their approval.
The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed  his
Johnson and related parts in the alligator's open mouth.
The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the
man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the alligator hard on the
top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his 
genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were  delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone
$100 who's willing to give it a try."

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in
the back of the bar.  

 

A Blonde woman timidly spoke up .

I'll try It! Just don't hit me so hard with the beer
bottle.

[finnman69]

http://www.wjhg.com/home/headlines/2510861.html

Six Busted in Wet T-Shirt Contest


Bay County sheriff's deputies made their first lewd and lascivious arrests of spring break.

It started with a wet t-shirt contest that took place Tuesday night at Hammerhead Fred's bar on Thomas Drive.

Investigators say the male DJs and customers used alcohol to help encourage the female participants to remove the t-shirts, expose themselves, and allow the audience to fondle them and bite their breasts.

Capt. Rickie Ramie of the BCSO Special Investigations Unit explained, “They had taken a contest and basically there were females up there performing oral sex on one another, that was the original complaint. And we sent in a couple of investigators in at the time to see what was taking place. Inside they saw, certainly things that would be classified as violations of the law."

Deputies arrested six people. Thirty-two-year-old Charles Ray Bunch of Panama City is accused of solicitation for lewd and lascivious conduct by the contestants. Seventeen-year-old Jacqucin Strong of Orange Beach, Alabama was arrested on nudity and indecent conduct.

Also charged were: Louis Adrian Green, 34, of Essixville, Michigan, Christopher Scott, 21 of Saginaw, Michigan, Dianna Chang , 23 of Naperville, Illinois, and an Illinois man was charged with resisting an officer without violence.

[Maximus of Texas]

.


Think he has a 401k?

.

[lilylangtree]

Cindy Sheehan asked President Bush, "Why did my son have to die in Iraq?"


Another mother asked President Kennedy, "Why did my son have to die in Viet Nam?"



Another mother asked President Truman, "Why did my son have to die in Korea?



Another mother asked President F.D. Roosevelt, "Why did my son have to

die at Iwo Jima?"



Another mother asked President W. Wilson, "Why did my son have to die on

the battlefield of France?"



Yet another mother asked President Lincoln, "Why did my son have to die

at Gettysburg?"



And yet another mother asked President G. Washington, "Why did my son

have to die near Valley Forge?"



Then long, long ago, a mother asked, "Heavenly Father, why did my Son

have to die on a cross outside of Jerusalem?"



The answers to all these are similar -- "that others may have life and

dwell in peace, happiness and freedom."



This was emailed to me with no author and I thought the magnitude and the

simplicity were awesome ..

[hattend]

I'm a Lamborghini Murcielago!

You're not subtle, but you don't want to be. Fast, loud, and dramatic, you want people to notice you, and then get out of the way. In a world full of sheep, you're a raging bull.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

[sully777]

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy"

[SweetCaroline]

Mr. Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.

Looking up he asks to Lord "Lord what does a million years mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A minute."

Mr Smith asks, "And what does a million dallars mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A penny."

Mr. Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"

The Lord replies, "In a minute."