Scientists: masturbation not as good as sex

The Register (Geeks ,,, Who Else?) ^ | Thursday 23rd February 2006 | Chris Williams

[texas booster]

*** And you thought you just weren't doing it right ***

A swift one off the wrist - easy, convenient, refreshing - but just not the same as the real thing, perhaps.

Reporting in the journal Biological Psychology, researchers have now found a basis in physiology for the niggling dissatisfaction.

Levels of the hormone prolactin are lower after masturbation than intercourse. Prolactin makes us feel satisfied by counteracting the arousal messenger dopamine.

The levels of prolactin in the blood of subjects who committed an act of self-pollution after watching grumble flicks were just one fifth of those who had had actual sex in the lab. Still, either way, nice work if you can get it.

The scientists say the difference also explains why men may need a "recovery period" after forming The Beast with Two Backs, but can happily nip to the loo for five minutes, make the bald man cry, then get straight back to work.®

[Syberyenta]

"Masturbation is sex with someone I love."
-- Woody Allen

[peyton randolph]

Woody Allen:

"Masturbation is having sex with someone you love."

 Reminds me of a cartoon where a woman is lying in bed holding a mirror, the man is having sex with her while looking into the mirror at his reflection, and she's commenting on what a vain b@stard he is.
 

[Petronski]

[PistolPaknMama]

We need a Constitutional amendment.

[Petronski]

Allen put it a little better than that:

"Hey, don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love."

Annie Hall if I recall correctly.

[Chanticleer]

Oh, my. What ping list am I on now? (Max, are you sending my name into naughty websites again?)

[beaver fever]

"One great thing about masturbation: you certainly don't have to look your best!"

One thing about masturbation, the flowers and the bottle of wine are optional.

One thing about masturbation, you save 20 bucks on cab fare.

One thing about masturbation, your hand doesn't ask you to cuddle after it's over.

One thing about masturbation, your hand never says no.

One thing about masturbation, you never have to please your hand.

One thing about masturbation, your hand doesn't care whether you're sensitive or interesting.

Too be continued.........

[beaver fever]

Their is a story of a French dandy aristocrat during the Restoration who rigged a mirror appartatus to his head so he could walk around in the street looking at himself.

[beaver fever]

Thanks for the correction Petro

[TheBattman]

Abd exactly how much tax money (regardless of the country-of -origin) was wasted on such an idiotic study? This sounds like a Clinton-esque pork project....

[Petronski]

I don't mean to be pedantic, but some of the best comedy in that line is in the way he reflects the joke on himself, and the way he's admitting to--and defending--his own onanism.

Annie Hall is a masterpiece, btw.

[Toby06]

[beaver fever]

Also in the same movie.

Shelly Duvall:

I'm sorry it took me so long to come.

Woody Allen:

That's OK the feeling in my jaw is starting to come back.

[Petronski]

Annie: Should I pull it in closer?

Alvy: No that's okay, I can walk to the curb from here.

[ARepublicanForAllReasons]

Just proves that artists aren't afraid of a little manual labor.

[SC DOC]

There are always exceptions to any study.

[Doohickey]

Gosh, thank goodness we have highly trained scientists to spell this stuff out.

Expect the results the "women vs. sheep" study to be out soon (spoiler: sheep can't cook).

[ken5050]

From "Airplane"..."Remember the night we spent on the beach together; sitting on my face as we watched the sun come up?"

[manwiththehands]

"...subjects who committed an act of self-pollution after watching grumble flicks..."

I love the way blokes talk.

[PzLdr]

Don't have to cuddle with it, or engage in small talk afterward, either.