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Posted on 02/17/2006 5:16:21 PM PST by DollyCali
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Once, Chuck Norris's wife cooked the Thanksgiving turkey too long and it burned. "Don't worry, honey" said Chuck. "I'll take care of it." So he went out and grabbed a live turkey. He took it back to the house. He then swallowed it whole. After a few minutes, he regurgitated a fully cooked turkey meal along with cranberry sauce and gravy.
"Wow, honey!" said his wife. "How'd you do that?"
He then roundhouse kicked her in the chin and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.
When Chuck Norris does his taxes, he simply sends a blank 1040 with a self-portrait. Chuck Norris has never paid taxes.
Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.
When Chuck Norris spits out watermelon seeds, he puts a machine gun to shame.
Chuck Norris let the dogs out.
Chuck Norris was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it was the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared without a mustache. And a head.
I would like to teach at a university full-time when I'm finished. After I went through law school, I realized that I would be happier teaching than I would be practicing law.
When did all the Chuck Norris jokes start coming about? I don't have TV, was there a new SNL skit or something??
It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.
LOL!
Nah...he's too busy driving tanks and shooting bad guys and swearing at the 11 year olds who cheat.
I don't know, but you can find them here:
http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com
Some of those are new on me.
I never get tired of those.
I think it's something that started circulating on the internet...like the Looter Guy.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.
Chuck Norris's body temperature is 98.6 degrees... Celsius.
Have you been interviewing? Where would you like to teach?
I'm at the Univ. of Alberta in Edmonton, AB (Canada) now. Its an urban school, not much of a college town. I did my undergrad at Michigan Tech, in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan which is a beautiful area and Houghton is a great town! I could handle teaching there as its more of an active lifestyle there, though I would still rather work in industry.
Where are you going to school?
phew.... Thank God I'm not a bad guy!
You know why Waldo is hiding all the time? Chuck Norris.
I haven't done any interviewing yet. I have to defend my proposal first. I'm not sure where I'd like to teach - most likely somewhere in the midwest.
And you have FReepmail.
When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water and make it drink.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up - he's pushing the Earth down.
LOL...haven't heard that one.
Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.
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