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Humorous Similes (Vanity)
2/14/2005
| snardius
Posted on 02/14/2006 9:58:01 AM PST by Snardius
Post your favorite similes. Funny ones preferred. The best will be rewarded with my list of favorite Country/Western song titles...
TOPICS: Humor; The Poetry Branch
KEYWORDS: funny; satire; similes
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To: SoothingDave
She's so buck toothed she could eat watermelon through a picket fence.
21
posted on
02/14/2006 11:37:59 AM PST
by
passionfruit
("...I think the left wing is turning into a cult... If you disagree you're a traitor")
To: Snardius
Oh! And from the movie Apollo 13 . . .
I'm so hungry . . . I could eat the butt out of a dead rhinoceros.
22
posted on
02/14/2006 11:43:10 AM PST
by
w_over_w
(Don't tell me to go to your BLOG . . . just tell me how your day was.)
To: pikachu
LOL! I forgot about that.
23
posted on
02/14/2006 11:57:55 AM PST
by
chapin2500
(The road to hell is paved with liberals.)
To: cuz_it_aint_their_money
That's a metaphor, actually.
To: Snardius
To describe these folks, I use the following similes:
dumb as a post
dumb as dirt
thick as two short planks
two clowns short of a circus
a few beers short of a six pack
old as the hills
old as Methuselah
empty as a drunkard's purse
drunk as a lord
drunk as a sailor
phony as a three-dollar bill
odd as two left shoes
ornery as a rattlesnake with hives
ornery as a water moccasin havin' his belly scrubbed with a washboard pick
ornery as a two-headed bull
ornery as a one-eyed pocket gopher in a thistle patch
ornery as a Corn Belt tornado
ornery as a pit bull sh*ttin' railroad spikes
ornery as a she-cat with a thorn in her paw
hard as picking fly sh*t out of black pepper
easy as putting a six-legged cat in a bucket of water
hard-headed as a ball-peen hammer
welcome as a skunk at a lawn party
dead as a doornail
dead as a mackerel
dead as a dodo
stale as yesterday's newspaper
useful as a back pocket in a vest
useful as a spit valve on a guitar
useless as a tit on a bull
useless as a screen door on a submarine
funny as a rubber crutch
funny as a train wreck
dark as a dungeon
dark as night
fat as a pig
stubborn as a mule (jackass)
noisy as crows
crazy as a coot
certain as death and taxes
bitter as gall
thick as thieves
nutty as a fruitcake
predictable as the sun setting
25
posted on
02/14/2006 12:08:55 PM PST
by
MadCharity
("Hindsight is not wisdom, and second guessing is not a strategy." Go GW!!!)
To: Snardius
26
posted on
02/14/2006 12:10:51 PM PST
by
Nea Wood
(Is cheap, illegal labor worth one life?)
To: All
salty ones -
He has a walk like a ship under full sail
She has a face that launched a thousand ships
After a night of drinking, I was three sheets to the wind!
27
posted on
02/14/2006 1:00:45 PM PST
by
llevrok
(Drink your beer, damnit! There are sober people in Africa.)
To: Snardius
Dumb as a box of hammers,
Sharp as a bag of wet mice,
As still as a rat on acid.
28
posted on
02/14/2006 1:05:09 PM PST
by
najida
(Valentines? You mean the Great Chocolate Pig-out Day!)
To: Snardius
Finer than a frog hair split 3 ways...
29
posted on
02/14/2006 1:10:22 PM PST
by
Keith in Iowa
(Howard Dean: Bankrupting the Democratic Party morally, intellectually, and financially. Go Howie go!)
To: Snardius
If you're going to run with the big dogs you better learn how to pee in the tall grass.
To: najida
"Sharp as a bag of wet mice"
31
posted on
02/14/2006 1:11:57 PM PST
by
Snardius
(And you KNOW what I'm talking about...)
To: Snardius
Busy as a one armed paper hanger
Serious as a heart attack
32
posted on
02/14/2006 1:12:37 PM PST
by
antivenom
(If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much damn space!)
To: Snardius
Slicker as snot on a doorknob
33
posted on
02/14/2006 1:14:43 PM PST
by
MortMan
(Trains stop at train stations. On my desk is a workstation...)
To: Keith in Iowa
As calm as a python digesting a valium addict...
34
posted on
02/14/2006 1:15:14 PM PST
by
Snardius
(And you KNOW what I'm talking about...)
To: Snardius
-More frustrated than an Amish Electrician
-More frustrated than a legless Ethiopian watching a donut roll down a hill
-Happier than Rosie O'Donnell at a buffet full of Ho-Ho's
Gotta love Larry the Cable Guy!
35
posted on
02/14/2006 1:17:47 PM PST
by
RockinRight
(Attention RNC...we're the party of Reagan, not FDR...)
To: RockinRight
-More frustrated than an Amish Electrician LOL!!
36
posted on
02/14/2006 1:19:25 PM PST
by
Snardius
(And you KNOW what I'm talking about...)
To: RockinRight
More confused than a moth on the Las Vegas Strip at midnight...
37
posted on
02/14/2006 1:20:47 PM PST
by
Snardius
(And you KNOW what I'm talking about...)
To: Snardius
And to get a bit more "risque"
-More frustrated than a queer with tonsillitis on Valentine's Day...
38
posted on
02/14/2006 1:20:54 PM PST
by
RockinRight
(Attention RNC...we're the party of Reagan, not FDR...)
To: Snardius
-Sweatin' like a whore in church
39
posted on
02/14/2006 1:22:18 PM PST
by
RockinRight
(Attention RNC...we're the party of Reagan, not FDR...)
To: Snardius
"There stands Jackson like a stone wall." - Gen Bee
"Gooder 'n Grits"
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