"I killed my pets to move in with my fiancé…"

MSNBC ^ | June 21, 2005 | Dr. Gail Saltz (advice columnist )

[grundle]

Q: About a year ago, I made the heart-wrenching decision to leave a great job, house, friends and family to move to Hawaii with my fiancé.

As part of this transition, I also chose to have my two beloved chow chow dogs put to sleep.

I adored those dogs, but I justified their sacrifice to the greater good of a successful relationship.

After six months, I am still tormented by memories of my dogs. The depths of anguish and loss make me think I got rid of them for purely selfish reasons, which is the kind of behavior I thought I reviled. I feel that I have gone from dog-lover to dog-killer in one trans-Pacific flight.

A: I am truly sorry you feel so wracked with guilt about your decision to put your dogs to sleep.

[dervish]

"To ease your guilt, you might want to consider getting another pet. In particular, there are plenty of older, needy animals you could love."

I can't believe Dr Gail is advising her to get another dog. Isn't killing two enough?

[Dashing Dasher]

Teryaki Terrier

[Dashing Dasher]

Your dogs are gorgeous!

[supercat]

Would that be the same "man" who later killed both of his parents and his wife? The same one whose concubine's mother died mysteriously in his home?

Yup. Surprised nobody else has mentioned him. Would seem to support the "animal-killers become serial murders" hypothesis.

[pissant]

Beer braised bulldog..

[bkepley]

Look at my profile page....the little one is a Hurricane Katrina rescue.

My friend has fostered two of them, the last one a blond cocker about 1.5 years old who was a day away from euthanasia. That is how difficult it can be to find a home. Imagine two old chows with attitudes

The woman obviously takes major commitment less than seriously; likewise, her paramour is pretty unyielding as well...I doubt their relationship will last... It's the relationship du jour with her, and before long there will be another man with whom she will be convinced she can have a more, "successful relationship," and the old guy will be discarded like last week's buttermilk.

Not a very Christian or plain compassionate thing to say in my opinion. Possibly her relationship with an important human being matters enough to give up her dogs, that's all. Obviously her commitments matter or she wouldn't be so bothered by it. In the meantime, I have a cat and she's just fine being a cat and not a furry little human. She's indoor, well fed and I'll probably have to put her down some day.

[MadCharity]

Did anyone see the Extreme Home Makeover this past Sunday?

It was for a family that worked full time, but in their free time took care of wayward, abused and neglected animals.

It was so awesome to see that they got not only a huge house, but a big barn for their horses, and a big kennel for their dogs. Plus inside their house was a "dog room" built just for the dogs that stayed in the house .

Purina donated something like 5 years of dog food and they got a motorhome, with which to travel and take care of animals (like occasions like Katrina)


Before:


After

[BykrBayb]

He was briefly mentioned earlier up the thread, but I think you were the first to point out how his serial killing started.

[bad company]

Any thoughts on a chow-lab mix?

I had a chow lab mix. His name was Festus. Great dog. Only time he nipped at anyone was when the cable guy accidently dropped his drill on festus' head. Was great with kids. 5 year old neighbor girl got such a bang when she'd come over and tell him to sit and he would. Not nearly as rambunctious as a pure lab.

[Andy'smom]

joe, you are my kind of guy. The attitude of this "person" makes me ill. I'm sure she could have found a way to bring these dogs to Hawaii. I hope she gets dumped by this guy.

[bjs1779]

Surprised nobody has yet mentioned a man who killed his wife's cats so he could live with his girlfriend....

Do we have a Michael Schiavo "I kept my Promise" over Terri's' cats grave too? About 7 % of the Freepers would believe it.....if Michael told them so.

[AnAmericanMother]

Stinky Labs?

My Lab ain't stinky~! (of course, she is a spoilt princess who is brushed and bathed regularly). She's the friendliest dog on earth, plus a good performer in agility and retriever events . . . and a sofa and bed cuddler too.

I would be leery of a backyard-bred mix. Chows are unpredictable, especially around kids and strangers, so if you have 4-H'ers running in and out I don't think that's a good idea. When you have a profound outcross, the pups usually run the gamut from one parent to the other, so it's quite possible you might get a dog that looks like a Lab but has a hair-trigger temperament. Not good, especially because kids might try to hug it because it looks like a sweet ol' Lab . . . .

Our next door neighbors wound up with a couple of Lab-Dobe mixes by the same method (somebody down the street had an accidental litter, the kids thought the pups were adorable and begged for them.) Not a success at all. The dogs are pretty gentle (although somewhat unpredictable), but they are enormous, clumsy, hyperactive, and as dumb as two sacks of wet mice.

If you don't want to buy a pup from a breeder, consider getting a nice tempered Lab from a rescue organization, where they have tested the dog in a foster home and can give you an idea of what you're getting into.

[RouxStir]

Yep, they told me that when they asked me to help them find a home for the cat. The funny thing is that this cat turned out to be the brother of one of my cats. Just one of those times when ethics aren't ethical.

[Fire_on_High]

Big paws, big wag. Invest in a good garden hose and keep all breakables higher than your head.

While you're at it, invest in Kodak stock. Chow-Lab mixes tend to be amazingly gorgeous animals.

[the OlLine Rebel]

Holy !#!#@!$#!


Don't people know there are even SHELTERS, much less trying to find adopters yourself?

[Joe 6-pack]

"That is how difficult it can be to find a home. Imagine two old chows with attitudes..."

Sorry. My decisions to try and do the right thing are not based on how difficult they are.

"Not a very Christian or plain compassionate thing to say in my opinion."

I'll take that for what it's worth. I know lots of people that would have probably called Christ 'un-Christian' (I'm not drawing a parallel between myself and the Savior, mind you.) I do appreciate you qualifying that as your opinion, but otherwise it's kind of like using the 'Nazi' accusation when you disagree with somebody, and threatens to push the conversation out of the domain or rationality.

"Possibly her relationship with an important human being matters enough to give up her dogs, that's all."

Dogs and other domestic animals are not disposable like an old VCR or piece of furniture. Again, I believe that for a terminally ill animal euthanasia is not only acceptable, but honorable, but this was not the case here. When she accepted responsibility for the lives of these animals, she should have considered the possibilities, and her choices and decisions should have been made in light of that responsibility. Frankly her decision with regards to the dogs is the moral equivalent of torching a village to save it. If the issue was a purple sofa the boyfriend didn't like, I can understand the rationale behind ditching it; however, care for the life of an animal is an internalized responsibility rather than an inanimate externality, and this will not be the last 'change' the boyfriend expects or demands her to make to comply with his rules.

"Obviously her commitments matter or she wouldn't be so bothered by it."

Doesn't do the dogs much good. This is classic intentions vs. outcomes liberal thinking. Frankly she did what was convenient, to get what she wants, regardless of the cost to other creatures, and tried to justify it in her mind by trying to convince herself it was the best thing for all. Her regrets are merely an indicator that she did not lie to herself as successfully as she had first thought.

"In the meantime, I have a cat and she's just fine being a cat and not a furry little human. She's indoor, well fed and I'll probably have to put her down some day.

As I've said repeatedly, euthanising an animal with no hope or no ability to envision a future is ultimately an act of selflessness. People who prolong the lives of an animal in terminal pain are very selfish and continue the animal's suffering merely to satisfy their own desire to not have to deal with the animal's death. So many times we hear someone say of another person, "I wish I could take their pain away...if only I could feel that pain for them, I would." In a sense, animals provide us that unique opportunity when terminally sick...we can assume a degree of suffering and anguish by putting them out of their misery, and bearing that pain is a burden we assume on behalf of the animal. In the matter in question, the writer was thinking purely of her own pleasure, convenience, and satisfaction, and despite her protestations to the contrary, it was not, "what was best," for any of the parties involved but her. Defend her all you like, but hope and pray to keep such personalities out of your life as much as possible.

[bkepley]

Defend her all you like, but hope and pray to keep such personalities out of your life as much as possible.

I have more problems with animal-rights crazies. It's oppressive, a kind of political correctness. To tell you the truth, my friend is a little like the lady in the story and a little like the crazies. She got a new boyfriend who was alergic to cats and so she tried to get me to take her cats. She didn't get rid of them though, or her boyfriend either. He did dump her and she was heartbroken. I suspect her unbalanced attitude towards animals contributed to their mis-match.

[the OlLine Rebel]

In some ways I sympathize w/the woman, since she seems to be tormented by what she did.

She does need to know that what she did was wrong, but I think that since she is admitting basically as much, I'd cut her a little slack. It is indeed the Christian thing to do, I think. After all, we are talking about dogs, not humans.

That doesn't mean I am not horrified by her killing 2 dogs just because she thought she was going somewhere else and couldn't take them. (See my previous, candid post.) I'm stupefied that some1 wouldn't at least just take them to the pound and give them a chance to find a new life. "Stress" and "trauma" on the dog? Doubtful. People underestimate animals way too much. Most are quite adaptable. Yes they'd be under some stress but once they get to a new place, it wouldn't be long and it won't kill them. But she did. Stupid and asinine.

But I also feel sorry for her horror over her own actions. Even though it's obviously no1's responsibility but her own. Not even her fiance`.

[bkepley]

"Stress" and "trauma" on the dog? Doubtful.

I disagree. I had to give up a dog once when I was young. It was an older dog and I gave it to a friend. The dog was totally freaked and never adjusted. They ended up putting it down. I think older dogs might have more problems with being shunted around and placed in a pound. As far as there being any chance for an old dog to be adopted from a pound the chances are slim and none.

[Joe 6-pack]

"I have more problems with animal-rights crazies."

Likewise. I fully support legitimate animal research, hunting, fishing and could hardly be accused of being anything remotely associated with vegetarianism. Having said that, I believe GOD gave us creation, animals, vegetables, minerals, etc. for our responsible, moral use. Just as he gave us the gift of sex for procreation and reinforcing the loving bonds of family, it's a gift that is easily perverted, abused, or taken in all too cavalie a manner. Our relationships with animals, particularly, domestic species are a blessing that we should not take lightly....think about where civilization would be without horses, cattle, canines, etc. To abuse such a blessing is, IMHO, sinful.

The animal rightists, on the other hand, have lost all perspective and devalue the sanctity of human life. I think we can all agree that it would have been best had this woman never taken on her dogs....however, keeping with my suspicions, at some point in time, she wanted puppies (for her own satisfaction) and put her own desires in front of all else. Once the "puppies," became an inconvenience, or got in the way of her fulfilling another desire, they were dropped like a bad habit; again, I believe she's a pretty self-centered, "all about me," kind of person who will learn nothing from her regret or feelings of guilt, but rather will do everything she can to alleviate herself of the darkness she has created for herself by justifying her actions; in fact I think her writing this column was probably an attempt at catharsis.