Top 10 things likely to be overheard from a Klingon Programmer

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[The_Victor]

Top 10 things likely to be overheard from a Klingon Programmer

10. Specifications are for the weak and timid!
9. You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!
8. Indentation?! - I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!
7. What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software 'releases'. Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.
6. Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' - they have 'arguments' - and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.
5. Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak.
4. A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment on his code!
3. Klingon software does NOT have BUGS. It has FEATURES, and those features are too sophisticated for a Romulan pig like you to understand.
2. You cannot truly appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in the original Klingon.
1. Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!

[The_Victor]

If you laughed, it is considered irrefutable proof that you are a geek.

[Michael Goldsberry]

Guilty.

[cripplecreek]

Morbo finds kilingon to be gamey and bitter

[martin_fierro]

Obligatory Visual Cliche.

[afnamvet]

Truly well done. You dare question my geekieness? LOL!

[SShultz460]

What does it mean when you laughed and then forwarded it to all your geek friends?

[2 Kool 2 Be 4-Gotten]

Real (Klingon) men write self modifying code?

[Sister_T]

LOL! Okay. I'm a geek!

[ShadowAce]

Humor Ping

[day10]

Guilty as charged. That's funny stuff!

[bert]

The man sold his magazine and drove his Hummer off into the sunset having heralded the onset of the internet.

Boardwatch was a source of truth on par with Rush

[Tai_Chung]

Microsoft defeating the Borg


Picard
"Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?"

Geordi
"Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."

Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.

Riker puzzled. "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?"

Data turns to answer "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate."

Picard
"But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"

Data
"Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken over and none will be available for their normal operational functions."

Picard
"Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable geometric shape' idea."

. . . 15 Minutes Later . .

Data
"Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all resources. We however have not received any confirmation of the expected 'upgrade'."

Geordi
"Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an 'upgrade' to compensate for their increase."

Picard
"Data, scan the history banks again and determine if their is something we have missed."

Data
"Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the 'upgrade'. Appearently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not sending in their registration cards.

Riker
"Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin emergency escape sequence 3F . . ." "Wait, Captain; I just detected their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to 0% !"

Picard
"Data, what does your scanners show?"

Data
"Appearently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity."

Picard
"Lets wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can reduce their functionality."

. . . Two Hours Pass . . .

Riker
"Geordi, what's the status on the Borg?"

Geordi
"As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor beacon to transmit more 'windows' modules from something called the 'Microsoft fun-pack'.

Picard
"How much time will that buy us ?"

Data
"Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest time span of 6 more hours."

Geordi
"Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."

Picard
"Identify."

Data
"It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo"

Over the speakers
"THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURREDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS"

Data
"The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released thousands of humanoid shaped objects."

Picard
"Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft"

Riker
"Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight toward the Borg ship with no life support suits ! How can they survive the tortures of deep space ?!"

Data
"I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by twenty-first century man as doe skin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani suits"

Riker and Picard together
(horrified) "Lawyers !!"

Geordi
"It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."

Data
"True, but appearently some must have survived."

Riker
"They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all types of papers."

Data
"I believe that is known in ancient venacular as 'red tape' it often proves fatal."

Riker
"They're tearing the Borg to pieces !"

Picard
"Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch, not even the Borg deserve that."

[Ace of Spades]

Sounds like our IT department after too much coffee.

[YouPosting2Me]

11. I will allow only Chuck Norris is review my code.

[sitetest]

ROTLMAO!!

I sent this to my staff!

[day10]

Don't know how many geeks or Trekkies we have on the ping list, but this is good stuff!

[Fierce Allegiance]

Thanks for the ping, but I can't stand Star Trek.

[YouPosting2Me]

Klingon File Access Rights:

Read, Write, Create, Erase, Modify, Ascension

[peacebaby]

I flunked this one. not geeky enough, I guess, but you wouldn't know it to look at the Christmas socks I've got on this morning.

[Sister_T]

LOL!