Posted on 12/02/2005 5:40:21 AM PST by BJClinton
Le w00t! It's Friday, it's huntin' season and the Boys are playing the Gints for the division this weekend. What could be better?
Just like Liz Taylor!
Holy freaking cow!
Ya know,
I couple of those outfits I like.
woohoo! Top 4,365!!!
| Your Eyes Should Be Brown |
 What's hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart |
Actually, the first one isn't so bad. After that tho . . . ugh
Your eyes should be psychedelic plaid. You are confused and confusing, and cause squirrels to attack dogs.
# 1 of my two faves from this week....
(warning already posted elsewhere - just thought it deserves repeating)
The New Rules -
New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.
New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it was a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive.
New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're queer. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
New Rule: Stop messing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half- soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.
New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy. Paper or plastic? I don't have time for that. I've just been called to do a cleanup on Aisle Nine!
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking up the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.
New Rule, and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.
New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't care in the first place.
New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.
" You are confused and confusing, and cause squirrels to attack dogs."
AHA! It's your fault!
I know you are - but what am I?
Najida, you have to be kidding, every single one of those people look like absolute idiots.
Of course it is.
I'm George W. Bush.
My favorite e-mail this week:
Are you tired of all those sissy "friendship" poems that always
sound
>>good, but never actually come close to reality?
>>
>>Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true
>>friendship:
>>
>>1. When you are sad - I will help get you drunk and plot revenge
>>against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
>>
>>2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
>>
>>3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid.
>>
>>4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
>>
>>5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how
>>much worse it could be and to quit whining.
>>
>>6 When you are confused - I will use little words.
>>
>>7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well
>>again. I don't want whatever you have.
>>
>>8. When you fall! - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
>>
>>This is my oath...I pledge it till the end. Why? you may ask.
>>
>>! Because you are my friend.
>>
>>Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you
>>can only think of two and one of them isn't speaking to you right now
>>anyway.
>>
>>Remember:
>>
>>A good friend will help you move to a new place........A really good
>>friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a
>>shovel.
Lets hope so. I was putting a photo CD together for his 21th birthday, and was surprised how many nudes we had of him over the years, and when thru his personal photo album and found one where he was dared to run out front in the nude, someone snapped the picture, he had his hand in front and holding a pair of shorts in the other. Kid has no shame.
No,
I'm not kidding :)
Let me go back and look and I'll point out a couple that I think are kinda cool.
That is about the dumbest thing I've ever seen! lol
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.