Posted on 11/18/2005 8:18:34 AM PST by Sonny M
Dear Annie: I am in my late 20s and have been happily married for over five years. Here is the problem:
My parents divorced when I was little, and my father is an alcoholic. Ever since I can remember, he would call me on the phone, drunk and rambling so much that by the end of the call, I would be in tears. The past couple of years he's gotten worse. He is verbally abusive, calling me names and telling me how stupid I am, but in the same breath, crying that I am the only thing in his life.
I have tried to stand up to him, and it only has made things worse. He tells me that his miserable life is all my fault and that he doesn't have a drinking problem.
Annie, this is killing me and my marriage. I am ready to start a family, and I do not want Dad to have any contact with my future kids until he can get sober. I have tried the help groups and have had counselors talk to the rest of my relatives. I don't know what else to do other than to move away from my family. -- Sober Only Child
Dear Sober: You cannot change your father's behavior, but you can work on changing your reaction to his emotional abuse, and if that means keeping your future children away from family gatherings where Dad is present, then don't be afraid to do it. It sounds as if your family has been enabling Dad long enough.
We don't know which help groups you have tried, but please look into Adult Children of Alcoholics (adultchildren.org) at P.O. Box 3216, Torrance, CA 90510.
Dear Annie: I have three sisters and one brother, and we all live in the same retirement community. We all are in our 70s, and our spouses are living.
This place has many activities. You can do most anything whether or not you are skilled at it. We play golf, even though we are terrible at it, we go to the swimming pool, even though we don't really swim, but we all have a great time, and all activities are free.
However, one sister refuses to participate in any activity, whether or not her husband joins us. "Bessie" always has an excuse -- she's not feeling well, it's too hot, too cold, too windy. We only have a few years left, and we would love to get her to spend more time with us. Do you have any ideas? -- Miss Her in Tampa, Fla.
Dear Miss Her: Has Bessie always been reluctant to do these activities? Might she be embarrassed to be seen as clumsy or foolish? Is it possible she has a physical problem and is trying to hide it? Could she simply enjoy having those moments to herself? One of you can ask her directly, "Bessie, we are concerned about you. Why do you refuse our invitations?" If she won't confide in you, there's not much you can do. Perhaps she simply doesn't enjoy physical activity and would prefer sharing dinner with you. That, too, is a nice way to visit.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from "Once Bitten, Twice Shy in New York," whose in-laws' dog tried to bite her 2-year-old daughter. The in-laws refused to keep the dog away from the girl.
Dogs that are accustomed to being around adults are unpredictable around young children. Sudden movements and squeals so typical of children having fun can trigger an attack by a normally docile animal. I was working in the ER when a 4-year-old child was brought in with a severe head injury from a dog that had never been aggressive toward anyone before.
Shame on the grandparents for jeopardizing the safety of their grandchild. It's sad that little girl will grow up knowing their dog was more important than she was. -- Nanna in Louisiana
Dear Nanna: We agree that one should never allow a situation where a child is at risk, and these grandparents have their priorities out of order. Thanks for writing.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2005 CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.
Advice: Don't answer the phone.
Please ask this to be moved to chat.
Why?
Because we are waiting for REAL news - like what Paris Hilton has been up to!
How would I post it as a chat?
Pet Peeve.
I've grown annoyed at some of these so called advice columns and the influence they have and I think its time, they, along with the rest of the media, got some critique.
Click on General/Chat on right side and post there.
Yeah, I kept reading because I figured the had to be a "punch line" coming.
Annie, this is killing me and my marriage. I am ready to start a family, and I do not want Dad to have any contact with my future kids until he can get sober. I have tried the help groups and have had counselors talk to the rest of my relatives. I don't know what else to do other than to move away from my family. -- Sober Only Child
Dear Sober Only Child...What? I wasn't listening. Oh now I remember. Your father drinks because you are a horrible excuse for a child. I'd drink to if you were my kid. As a matter of fact, grab me a beer while you're up.
However, one sister refuses to participate in any activity, whether or not her husband joins us. "Bessie" always has an excuse -- she's not feeling well, it's too hot, too cold, too windy. We only have a few years left, and we would love to get her to spend more time with us. Do you have any ideas? -- Miss Her in Tampa, Fla
Dear Miss Her... Take a hint. Your sister hates you and for a good reason. You are a whiner and a controlling shrew. And no, I don't care about your "needs". Now show some concern for MY needs and get me a beer.
Whatever forum you're browsing is the forum to which you post. If you want to post to "Chat," click on "General/Chat" under the "Browse by Forum" section to the right of the article headers.
Hope that helps!
"Do not call me again until you're sober." < click>
Some folks labour under the mistaken notion that they must remiain on the phone as long as the party on the other end wants to "talk". That's just not true.
Don't be afraid to just hang up.
Dear Nanna...The dog will never get pregnant and soil the family name. The child tasted good. That's worth something. Beer me. Now.
The all-purpose answer to any question for the advice columnist: "Shut up and get me a beer!"
I didn't know what to put this under but I didn't want this under serious news.
Do people really read that slop?
Those two should be run out of town for their terrible advice to the people who don't seek real help. It is out there for anyone - even those who cannot afford it - and yet people actually write strangers for their advice?
I find it dangerous - two women playing at what genuine practitioners spend years at studying and who are licensed and follow guidelines mandated by their state and federal government.
These people are no better than the card readers at a circus.
Steve Allen was pretending to be an advice columnist. A woman tells him that her husband has been dead for 25 years, but when she goes into the living room, she still sees him sitting by the fire. What should she do?
Steve Allen's advice: bury him.
You hold those genuine practitioners in pretty high esteem. Many of them are worse than card readers at a circus.
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