The Advice Goddess

Westword.com ^ | Amy Alkon

[Millee]

I'm 40, the cute girl from upstairs is 23. When she stopped by to commiserate about loud neighbors, we had a beer, went dancing, and then had sex. Afterward, she seemed weird and left abruptly. I wrote her a note, "Sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but I love you and look forward to seeing you again." She hasn't looked at me since. Where did I go wrong? -- Mr. Neighbor

Grateful as you may be to a girl for having sex with you, it's never a good idea to let on. You could've had a future with her -- the kind 40-year-old guys without handfuls of bling typically have with 23-year-old girls: jump-starting their cars, lugging their couches up four flights of stairs, and maybe catching a little action when there are no hot young guys to be found. You blew it, though, with "I'm a lonely sack of emptiness!" -- which is how "I love you" translates after one beer, one dance, and one roll in the sack. (You say "I love you"; she says "It seemed like a good idea at the time.")

[martin_fierro]

NYT columnist/fabulist Maureen Dowd, Mistress of the Poison Pen.

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

Always.

[najida]

Dear Mr. 40 y/o,

Mebby the "I love you" from Daddy scared her off.

Date someone your own age twit.

Sincerely,
Cranky, the 8th Dwarf

[PaulaB]

Have to think about your ticker though...

will it make it?

[Mr. Jeeves]

I think his big mistake was overstating the significance of the dalliance and professing more love and emotional intimacy than she is used to.

Yep. Men have a bad habit of getting way too serious, way too fast. Especially in this case, where a 23-year-old would likely be freaked out by anything resembling relationship talk. The "I love you" line is best saved for much, much later.

[Dashing Dasher]

Did you say, "Cuckoo"?

[PaulaB]

[Dashing Dasher]

Hey, I can still use "forty" in the first syllable, so there!

Like = Forty Fifteen?

[Maximus of Texas]

Hey, I think I had a Be Nice to Max coupon for November. Don't make me pull that out.

[blackie]

I'm still here, aren't I.

[Dashing Dasher]

[LongElegantLegs]

Neighborhood associations screw everyone just by existing. It's not a coincidence the word 'ass' is worked right in...

[Dashing Dasher]

Forgot to check the calendar.

Okay....

Forty Twelve, then.

[HitmanLV]

I'm not a psychologist nor a psychiatrist. I'm a hustler* - that makes it essential that I know how people think, how they tend to react, what buttons to push, how hard, and how often.

I've worked on all this since I was a very small child and found out I had the gift of gab and a disarming smile.

My day job is as a peak performance coach and consultant, and I also train people in refining their communication skills. Since the reaction you get from a person tends to depend on who you are talking to, what you say/do, and how you react to what they say/do, it helps to know what to say and do to get a desired result from people.

Judgmental types might say I train people in manipulation.

My products sell for $ 300 or more (taped audio courses), and my consulting fee is $5,000 a day and first class expenses, two-day minimum.

* In the interest of clarity, that's an oldschool definition of hustler: "a shrewd (or unscrupulous) person who knows how to circumvent difficulties; goal: get people's money." Not the more modern definition: a hooker. :-)

[PaulaB]

True..True..

If I don't see you for a while

I'll call 911 or have JRBC

do it...

thank goodness you have friends like us ;)

[Valpal1]

Dear Neighbor,

The correct note should have read: "Thanks, last night was fun, have a great week!"

[HitmanLV]

The "I love you" line is best saved for much, much later.

And when you really mean it. :-)

[HitmanLV]

Remember the advice that Seymour Krelboyne should have understood: "Don't feed the plants!!!"

[PaulaB]

I think its time for some protection!!!

[Millee]

Yep, but it probably read like, "I love you!!! You are the only woman for me!! If I can't have you nobody will!! You will be mine!!! I'll kill any one that even looks at you!!!" (Insert your own psycho statements here)