The Advice Goddess

Westword.com ^ | Amy Alkon

[Millee]

I'm 40, the cute girl from upstairs is 23. When she stopped by to commiserate about loud neighbors, we had a beer, went dancing, and then had sex. Afterward, she seemed weird and left abruptly. I wrote her a note, "Sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but I love you and look forward to seeing you again." She hasn't looked at me since. Where did I go wrong? -- Mr. Neighbor

Grateful as you may be to a girl for having sex with you, it's never a good idea to let on. You could've had a future with her -- the kind 40-year-old guys without handfuls of bling typically have with 23-year-old girls: jump-starting their cars, lugging their couches up four flights of stairs, and maybe catching a little action when there are no hot young guys to be found. You blew it, though, with "I'm a lonely sack of emptiness!" -- which is how "I love you" translates after one beer, one dance, and one roll in the sack. (You say "I love you"; she says "It seemed like a good idea at the time.")

[peacebaby]

I disagree.

"...me and Mr. Jeeves..." is inacceptible orally or in written form. Rather, the correct phrase in HitmanNY's context should have been "...Mr. Jeeves and I... ."

[Dashing Dasher]

It was an unfunny joke.

[HitmanLV]

I think if you try to not impute things to posters that they didn't say, your ability to communicate clearly and meaningfully will improve.

[Maximus of Texas]

Millee, I warned them about this several posts ago but noooooo, they wouldn't listen. :)

Like you, I am very shallow when it comes to postings. Hell, what am I saying, my whole life is pretty shallow.

[HitmanLV]

We're all one big happy family!

[Mr. Jeeves]

I am trying to wrap my brain around you guys thinking if a girl cries fowl over something said and gets upset..then that same thing happened to her? and thats why she is bitter?

Well, not if it was something that was actually said. Visit the divorce threads for an example - many of those guys really do hate women and are quite explicit about it. Critiques of their sweeping generalizations about women are absolutely justified.

These dating threads, however, seem to bring out certain indviduals who like to get angry over things that were not only not said, but not even implied. So their minds are filling in the blanks from somewhere, and it's logical to assume that negative personal dating experiences play a role. Or perhaps they watch too many soaps. ;)

[Dashing Dasher]

And because November is "Be Nice To Max Month",

I'll not say anything..... except agree with you wholeheartedly.

[SoothingDave]

Quibbling over minor errors in a conversational format like this is really trivial. It's one thing when an obvious idiot is just asking for his grammar to be picked apart. But as a substitute for an argument otherwise, it is pretty weak.

(People say "Me and him..." all the time. No, it's not proper English. I wouldn't put it in a formal piece of writing. But when a guy types it on a message board, I don't freak out either.)

SD

[PaulaB]

I think if you try to not impute things to posters that they didn't say, your ability to communicate clearly and meaningfully will improve.

Back up ....I think you need to reread what you post.. maybe as a male you read it one way and as a female I read it another but it was there... I did not make the strangeness of it up.... if your going to post it...I hope you can back it and not blame it on others "for not understanding"

[peacebaby]

well - now - there you go again.
(best Ronald Reagan imitation)

I've been voyeuring - missed Dashing Dasher's grammatically incorrect phrase " who I adore."

No favoritism displayed, just shear inattention on my part.

Dear Dashing Dasher, the correct phrase is "whom I adore."

Peacebaby wants peace, ok, ya'll?

[MadIvan]

The fellow writing the letter should have realised that this was not the best start to a serious romance. Caution was the order of the day. He decided instead to fling himself at her mercy. Bad choice.

Regards, Ivan

[Millee]

Hear..Hear Max!

I mean can't we all just agree that mean are pigs and women are freaks?? THAT'S the world I wanna live in. So who's with me??? C'mon...let's be shallow...

[najida]

Yes,
You're nick name is Mud Puddle ;)

[najida]

So sorry,

I just went back and read it and it looks exactly like all the non joke stuff I seen around here.

So,
erm,
Next time,

Put a
Ha ha ha or Just kidding at the end. :)

[peacebaby]

SD, if you were a dentist, would my cracked filling bother you?

If you were an airline pilot, would missing landing gear bother you?

As an English major and lover of words, obvious mistakes in grammar bother the hell out of me.

Don't trivialize what I find important, please.

[Dashing Dasher]

How could you possibly misunderstand this.... (LOL!)


I'm not a psychologist nor a psychiatrist. I'm a hustler* - that makes it essential that I know how people think, how they tend to react, what buttons to push, how hard, and how often.

I've worked on all this since I was a very small child and found out I had the gift of gab and a disarming smile.

My day job is as a peak performance coach and consultant, and I also train people in refining their communication skills. Since the reaction you get from a person tends to depend on who you are talking to, what you say/do, and how you react to what they say/do, it helps to know what to say and do to get a desired result from people.

Judgmental types might say I train people in manipulation.

My products sell for $ 300 or more (taped audio courses), and my consulting fee is $5,000 a day and first class expenses, two-day minimum.

* In the interest of clarity, that's an oldschool definition of hustler: "a shrewd (or unscrupulous) person who knows how to circumvent difficulties; goal: get people's money." Not the more modern definition: a hooker. :-)

[najida]

Substitute All with Most or even Some and I'll bake you a cake... :)

[Maximus of Texas]

I'm right in line behind you (pinching your butt.. afterall, I'm a pig)