The ***OFFICIAL*** Friday/Saturday Night Singles' Thread (Oct. 28th and 29th)

Free Republic ^ | Oct. 28th, 2005 | scott7278

[scott7278]

HEY YOU GUYS!!!*

 

 

It's Friday night...do you know where your sanity is?

 

*This is not a portrait of me.

[aft_lizard]

Hmmm.

1) Well one time I called my brother and told him I had killed somebody and that I was in jail and he was the only person who would answer the phone. It was great I got my mom, a couple of friends and a sister to play along with it. When he told my parents he had bough a ticket to return home I knew it was time to come honest with him.

2) Dont wear halloween costumes.

[scott7278]

You are one sick individual...funny, but sick. ;)

[Dashing Dasher]

Make 23 caramel apples and one caramel onion.
The expression on the poor person's face who takes a big ol' bite out of a caramel coated onion will be a treasured memory!


(stolen from someone else!)

[scott7278]

That's pretty good.

[ozarkgirl]

1) Well one time I called my brother and told him I had killed somebody and that I was in jail and he was the only person who would answer the phone. It was great I got my mom, a couple of friends and a sister to play along with it. When he told my parents he had bough a ticket to return home I knew it was time to come honest with him.

Bless his heart, he thought he was taking care of you!

2) Dont wear halloween costumes.

Why not? Perhaps you really were in jail?

[Dashing Dasher]

... Three vampires walk into a bar. The waitress comes up to them and asks them what they'll have.
The first vampire says, (Transylvanian accent inferred) "I'll have a glass of O Positive."
The second vampire says, "I'll have a glass of AB Negative."
The third vampire says, "I'm the designated driver. I'll just have a glass of plasma."
The waitress turns toward the bartender and yells,

"Gimme two bloods and one blood lite!"



(STOLEN)

[ozarkgirl]

from the phone book at 2:30 or so, saying that "this is Sgt. Riely from the police, and your son is here at the station"....

I had one son....yep, I called the police station (small town) at 2 am but only to see if there were any accidents in the area. He said "no", I said "sorry, just a worried mother of a 16 year old son", he laughed.

[Rca2000]

That reminds me. In early 1985, When I lived in Lebanon, and my friend Rodney was visiting one day, we went to his car, to go "fool around", and it had been egged. SO-- him and Paul had the idea to "get even' with the person who did it. Church was a little later, and afterwards, Paul met Darrin, and a guy named Chris(a mortal enemy of mine since 1979, who was the one who started the rumor of me doing drugs, that led to my exit from that church), and the all had the idea to egg the house near Rodney's car. Paul and Darrin went to convenient and got some eggs, and I was hiding in the bed of the truck not wanting to be seen. It turned out they got the eggs by the "5 finger discount" method, as Chris was also known for doing. Anyhoo, the bunch of us went to next to Rodney's car, and Paul, Darrin, Rodney, and I forget who else jumped up. Chris yelled UNLOAD!! and they ALL started pelting those eggs at EVERYTHING that was at the house there at the corner,( house, cars, garage, etc) probably 2 dozen eggs or so. Paul tossed at leas 6 of them his self. I was hiding down low, not wanting to be seen. and then, Darrin(I think) yelled GO!! , and we all took off.

[scott7278]

A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."

So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Services will be at Downing Funeral Home on Monday the 12th. Due to the condition of the body, this will be a closed casket service. Please send your donations to the "Think Before You Say Things To Your Wife Foundation," Dallas, Texas.

http://www.basicjokes.com/djoke.php?id=3290

[scott7278]

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:

"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out."

He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said:

"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: "I thought we had a deal."

The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."

http://www.basicjokes.com/djoke.php?id=558

[ozarkgirl]

It's Friday night...do you know where your sanity is?

Should be in the peat moss of the New Jersey swamp where I buried it all those years ago.

At least you know where it is. I think I've forgotten where I laid mine.

[scott7278]

I was a leader at a youth camp several years ago and ran into an old college buddy of mine that I hadn't seen for at least two years. He told me that he had gotten married just two months prior, and he couldn't be happier.

His wife soon came along and joyously sat down next to him -- a very sweet young woman. The camp had a rule that ladies had to wear a one-piece bathing suit when visiting the pool, and this high school girl soon comes up to us:

"Mrs. ________, I only brought a two-piece swimsuit, and they said I couldn't swim with it."

"That's all right," she said. "You can borrow mine for the week -- I just won't swim."

To which the new husband interjected, and I quote, "Honey, she'll never fit in your swimsuit -- she's skinny."

I thought there was going to be a split right there in that Christian camp.

[apackof2]

The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office. "How was work, dear?" his wife asks.

"Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts.

"Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?" she asks nicely.

"Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry! I don't wanna eat! All right! Is that all right with you? Can I come home from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? huh?"

At this moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage.

Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself, "Well, I guess it's just that time of the month."

[apackof2]

One Halloween night, two friends were walking through a graveyard where they were frightened to death as they heard a tap-tap-tapping noise from a grave. When they approached the grave cautiously, they were relieved to see an old man with a hammer and chisel working dexterously at one of the headstones. They heaved a sigh of relief and said to the old man, "Why are you working so late this night, old man. You almost scared us to death. The old man groaned and grumbled, "What am I to do? Those fools misspelled my name!"

A kid came up with a bright idea to dress up as an IRS Agent. This way he could take 28% of the man's candy and leave without saying 'Thank You!'.

[scott7278]

:-)

[Dashing Dasher]

Favorite Pranks.... (keep in mind - I'm a professional prankster....)


1. A friend of mine thinks himself quite the Lady's Man. Well, he had a message on his voicemail that he wanted me to hear - so, he gave me his password (stupid!).

I logged in and changed his outgoing message to, "Me and ### took the kids to Disneyland for the weekend. We'll be back next week. blah blah blah."

It took him five days to figure out why he wasn't getting any messages from his 'babes'.

;-)

[scott7278]

Thread Hijack Warning:

 

I found out the story behind the waitress and the mysterious ring on her left hand -- she was recently engaged, and that's why I had never seen it before.

 

 

Now, back to our regularly scheduled thread.

[Calpernia]

Hey BB,

I had no idea FR had a singles thread! Ping!

[scott7278]

Since this is Halloween, do you have any pictures of real ninjas with real ultimate power?

We need some real ninjas here tonight.

[scott7278]

Good to see you!