MORFORD: God Does Not Want 16 Kids

San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 10/19/5 | Mark Morford

[SmithL]

Arkansas mom gives birth to a whole freakin' baseball team. How deeply should you cringe?

Who are you to judge? Who are you to say that the more than slightly creepy 39-year-old woman from Arkansas who just gave birth to her 16th child yes that's right 16 kids and try not to cringe in phantom vaginal pain when you say it, who are you to say Michelle Duggar is not more than a little unhinged and sad and lost?

And furthermore, who are you to suggest that her equally troubling husband -- whose name is, of course, Jim Bob and he's hankerin' to be a Republican senator and try not to wince in sociopolitical pain when you say that -- isn't more than a little numb to the real world, and that bringing 16 hungry mewling attention-deprived kids (and she wants more! Yay!) into this exhausted world zips right by "touching" and races right past "disturbing" and lurches its way, heaving and gasping and sweating from the karmic armpits, straight into "Oh my God, what the hell is wrong with you people?"

But that would be, you know, mean. Mean and callous to suggest that this might be the most disquieting photo you see all year, this bizarre Duggar family of 18 spotless white hyperreligious interchangeable people with alarmingly bad hair, the kids ranging in ages from one to 17, worse than those nuked Smurfs in that UNICEF commercial and worse than all the horrific rubble in Pakistan and worse than the cluster-bomb nightmare that is Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise having a child

as they suck the skin from each other's Scientological faces...

[LongElegantLegs]

He's unhappy because sperm and fecal matter can't produce a child no matter how many times he tries.

Oh, I don't know; Seems like that's what his parents used for him...

[hattend]

In the words of Emeril:

BAM!

Good one, LEL. LOL!!

[DelRoy]

Sounds like a homosexual writer.From those who cry out for especial laws to make their life style normal.Homosexuals are truly blind.Turn from your evil ways that you maybe saved!With the venom from which you write we should write about the homosexuals who are victims
of their own lust.Did you know that most homosexuals have more than 1600 lovers in a year.Now thats normal.

[LongElegantLegs]

Thank you, thank you! I'll be here all week; don't forget to tip your waitress.

[BJClinton]

Seemed like one big happy, healthy family.

That's why liberals hate them so strongly. We don't see Morford or other lefties displaying this level of visceral hatred toward broken welfare "families".

[WasDougsLamb]

I saw this family on a documentary and they are a fantastic group of people. What great parents and what great kids. They are being brought up to help their parents, to serve God, to be upstanding citizens.

--I saw this too on TV one evening and they do seem to be a wonderful family. God Bless them all.
Lauranne

[caryatid]

Not on welfare?

None of our business!

[Marysecretary]

Aren't they great? So organized and doing such a great job in raising future good citizens.

[B Knotts]

and assuming that they will all be tragically encoded with the values of the homophobic asexual Christian right

Where is the liberal, spiritualized, pro-sex flip side?

Looks like Miss Moford hasn't figured out how babies are made.

[Vor Lady]

Three is the roughest number to have. I'm not sure why, but we saw it in our family (six) and most of the moms at my church agree, three is a tough number of kids.

[Felicity Fahrquar]

the cluster-bomb nightmare that is Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise having a child as they suck the skin from each other's Scientological faces...

You've gotta admit, though, he DID have a point there. The whole Tom-and-Katie thing....(shudder)

[SmithL]

Going from two to three was a harder transition than going from one to two. Individually, we had run out of arms, and collectively, we had run out of laps.
; )

[Tax-chick]

I agree, three is the worst, and after five, the additional ones don't seem like much more work. It's like cats, I guess ... once you hit the Critical Mass, you can add more indefinitely.

[Emmett McCarthy]

Oh, I didn't know he was queer, too. That explains it.

[ViLaLuz]

I lived near a family that had 19 children. They had 2 houses next door to each other.

[ViLaLuz]

Let's see, by Democrat standards, 5 out of the 16 children should have been aborted.

[Tax-chick]

I think every large family turns out one who's a total goofball, so there will probably be one Democrat in the Duggars' crew :-).

[mafree]

He's unhappy because sperm and fecal matter can't produce a child no matter how many times he tries.

Good line!

[Dan from Michigan]

And here's a one finger salute to the flamer Morford.

[Alice in Wonderland]

I worked with a girl who was one of seventeen: John, James, Joseph, Richard, Dennis, Daniel, Michael, Raymond, Kathy, Patricia, Michelle, Margaret, Tracy, Kathleen, Erin, Shannon, and Mary.