***Official Friday Silliness Thread***

do not click this ^ | 09/09/2005 | *shrugs*

[BJClinton]

w00t! TGIF! Long week but it's finally over, the wife is out of town for a Kolache contest and I have a guild raid of Molten Core this weekend (if you know what that means without googling it, you need to get a life). So let's get this going, shall we?





Turd Twister Patented Design Features (Click pic for details, this is real!)

[llevrok]

Liberal "proof" the Feds were in N.O. before the Mayor asked for help (you gotta laugh at the Dim's claims)

[fredhead]

Fo shizzle, Ica-zizzle

Dodge trucks last longer than the deedle double jizzle.

If the ride is more fly, then you must buy.

[OESY]

WE NEED MORE GRANDMOTHERS IN COURT!!!


Why Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't
prepared for the answer:

In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness to the stand ... a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached
her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've know you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate
people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big
shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to
anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The Lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed
across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was
a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem.
He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law
practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated
on his wife with three different women, one of them was your wife. Yes,
I know him." The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very
quiet voice, said:

"If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your
sorry asses in jail for contempt."

[BJClinton]

Thats-a one-a spicy meatball!

an off-duty police officer used a Taser gun to control the fight.

Now *that's* a food fight!

[BJClinton]

you gotta laugh at the Dim's claims

Really? Where'd you get that from?

[OESY]

Are you qualified to be a Huffpo blogger? Take the test!

[Auntbee]

We need more cow bell!!!!

[JimWforBush]

Woo Hoo, I am here, fashionably late, but here.

[OESY]

40 Things That Only Happen In Movies


1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.

2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.

4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.

6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.

8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.

9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.

10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).

12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).

13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard . . .

15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).

16. Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in a pursuit).

17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.

18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.

19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.

20. All single women have a cat.

21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.

22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.

23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.

25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

26. Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighborhood who don't mind at all what the girl does for a living.

27. A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

28. It is not necessary to say "Hello" or "Goodbye" when beginning a telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying "Hello? Hello?" repeatedly.

29. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (it's called Stallone's Law).

30. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be visible, just slightly bluish.

31. Plain or even ugly girls can become movie star pretty simply by removing their glasses and rearranging their hair.

32. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks.

33. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.

34. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

35. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

36. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

37. Most musical instruments (especially wind instruments and accordions) can be played without moving your fingers.

38. In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets.

39. All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture present (even people who aren't liked and would never get invited to parties).

40. Trucks use their horns at random (no hang on, that happens in real life too!).

[r-q-tek86]

Some of these should be allowed (some even required) in real life...

13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

35. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

[JimWforBush]

I'll second both of those.

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

Somehow I have a feeling that you find a reason to go to the strip club often.

[r-q-tek86]

Things are so slow, we might need to modify #35 to include "any OFST that doesn't have 200 posts by 1:00 central..."

[fredhead]

41. The hero in a Western NEVER has to reload.

[JimWforBush]

Somehow I have a feeling that you find a reason to go to the strip club often.

Yeah, Breakfast every Friday morning.

Legs & Eggs at the Foxy Lady.

[fredhead]

http://www.cheechandchong.com/freedownloads/audio/bdamage.mov

[JimWforBush]

Things are so slow, we might need to modify #35 to include "any OFST that doesn't have 200 posts by 1:00 central..."

It is awful slow here today isn't.

WHERE IS EVERYBODY?

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

"Yeah, Breakfast every Friday morning.
Legs & Eggs at the Foxy Lady."

See, I knew. I have a sixth sense about these things.

Hey, r-q-tek86 tried to pretend a few weeks ago that he didn't know what a lapdance was. What do you think about that?