Turd Twister Patented Design Features (Click pic for details, this is real!)
Posted on 09/09/2005 5:37:55 AM PDT by BJClinton
w00t! TGIF! Long week but it's finally over, the wife is out of town for a Kolache contest and I have a guild raid of Molten Core this weekend (if you know what that means without googling it, you need to get a life). So let's get this going, shall we?
Turd Twister Patented Design Features (Click pic for details, this is real!)
More Cheech & Chong
Cheech: "Hey, what is this man?"
Chong: "It's Maui Wowie with a little bit of Labrador."
Cheech: "Labrador? What's that?"
Chong: "Oh, my dog ate my stash, man, and I had to follow him around with a baggie for a week before I got it all back."
Cheech: "WE'RE SMOKING DOG SH!T??!!"
Chong: "Yeah, man, how is it?"
Cheech: "Not bad, man!"
I decided that I needed a few days off and I realized
that I ran out of vacation time already. I figured the
best way to get the Boss to send me home was to act a
little crazy. I figured he'd think I was burning out
and give me some time off.
I went into work early the other day and began hanging
upside down from the ceiling.
Just then one of my coworkers (she's blonde...it'll be important later)
came in and asked me what I was doing.
"Shh," I said, "I'm acting crazy to get a few days off. I'm a light bulb."
A second later the Boss walked by and asked me what I
was doing. "I'm a light bulb!" I exclaimed.
"You're going crazy," he said. "Take a few days off."
With that, I jumped down and started walking out. The
blonde started following me and the Boss asked where
she was going.
"I can't work in the dark," she said
>> http://www.nystocktrader.com/BushVaca.jpg
OTAY.
GM! ickky
You heal fast.
You dirty rat!
Okay, I'll keep that in mind!
Dasher
Good morning Mrs. Cin
notice my tagline was from your
awesome post yesterday about the ABC's
:)
Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management's attention that some Individuals throughout the division have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.
Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided So that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
1) TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.
2) TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a ball-busting bitch.
3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?
4) TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f______ way.
5) TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh--ing me!
6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a s--t.
7) TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f______ problem.
8) TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?
9) TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This s--t won't work.
10) TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?
11) TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.
12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat s--t and die.
13) TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.
14) TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F___ it, I'm on salary.
15) TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.
16) TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.
17) TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?
18 ) TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a prick.
kk, ur pingelated
did I forget the /sarcasm ?
Hair removal 101...God love the woman who shared this ...
All hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.
My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home fix dinner, played with the kids. I then had the thought that would ringpainfully in my mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should pull the wax out of the medicine cabinet. So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. It was one of those cold wax kits.
No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off. No muss, no fuss.
How hard can it be? I mean I'm no girly, girl but I am mechanically inclined enough that I can figure it out.
*YA THINK!!!*
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax my rear end (Oh how this phrase haunts me!)
I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. OK so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-ra, fighter of all wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids Isneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure I apply the was strip across the right side of bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself. RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of the strip. S&%T!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP. Everything is swirly and spotted. Do I hear crashing drums??? OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - A wax covered strip with my hairy pelt, that has caused me so much pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it. Where is the hair. WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair..The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. S&%T I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake...................remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet. I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. DAMN!!!!!!!!
I hear the slamming of the cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut. Butt?? Sealed shut. I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off" Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than they used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse that having your nether businesses glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub. In scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!! God bless the man that convinced me I should have a phone in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend thinking surely she's waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter, "So, my butt and who-ha are stuck to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't have a secret trick but does try to hide the laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located on bottom, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or what?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I slip into glazed donut land. My friend is still talking with me and my hand reaches towards the saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point. I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids, scared the dickens out of my friend, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!! I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair.............
THE HAIR IS STILL THERE..........ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. So I shaved it off. Heck, I'm numb at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color......
Me too!!!!
[b]You Should Learn Swedish[/b]
[img]http://images.blogthings.com/whatlanguageshouldyoulearnquiz/swedish.jpg[/img]
Fantastisk! You're laid back about learning a language - and about life in general.
Peaceful, beautiful Sweden is ideal for you... And you won't even have to speak perfect Swedish to get around!
[b]What Language Should You Learn?[/b]
[url]http://www.blogthings.com/whatlanguageshouldyoulearnquiz/[/url]
My day sucks. They actually want me to do work on a Friday.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.
![http://images.blogthings.com/whatlanguageshouldyoulearnquiz/swedish.jpg[/img]](http://images.blogthings.com/whatlanguageshouldyoulearnquiz/swedish.jpg[/img]){kind=link}