Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

What Your Beer Says About You
National Lampoon ^ | 1/2005 | staff

Posted on 07/29/2005 7:51:34 AM PDT by pissant

Keystone Light

You need 30 beers in one package but you only have $10. Also, for some reason you need to get drunk. There is a slight possibility that your taste buds were destroyed in some horrible accident during your days as a fire breather with a traveling freak show, enabling you to consume many Keystones without making a horrifed, disgusted face every time you swallow.

Bud Light

You need 30 beers in one package but you only have $10. Also, for some reason you need to get drunk. There is a slight possibility that your taste buds were destroyed in some horrible accident during your days as a fire breather with a traveling freak show, enabling you to consume many Keystones without making a horrifed, disgusted face every time you swallow.

Original Coors

You have never met me, because I don't know anyone who drinks this beer. I imagine, though, that you are some sort of mountain man with a scruffy beard who could use refreshment after spending weeks in the Rockies distancing himself from the trivialities of the modern world.

Corona Extra

You are married, live in the suburbs and are having friends over for a barbecue. There is also a chance that you really enjoy limes, but are having a difficult time working them into your diet. Small things amuse you and you enjoy watching the lime fizzle in the bottle after you stick your finger in and turn it upside down to achieve maximum limey pleasure.

Stag

Your stomach did something to make you angry and now you are returning the favor. You enjoy spending time on the toilet and will do it often for about three days if you drink a six pack of this beer-flavored laxative. Hunting is probably one of your hobbies and the red deer on the gold can is understandably difficult to pass up. Also, you may have lost a bet or are blind and could not tell which beer you were purchasing.

Guinness

You consider yourself something of a serious beer connoisseur. Undoubtedly you enjoy the occasional cup of coffee, as your choice of beer has a similar taste. When at a pub you like to partake in this brand because the foam on the top provides the opportunity for you to get a foam mustache and show your friends how funny you look. If you drink this beer regularly, you most likely claim some degree of Irish heritage. In all likelihood there was/is a "Guinness is Good For You" sign in your dorm/fraternity room/apartment.

Old Style (better known as Doggy Style)

You are at Wrigley Field watching the Cubs. There is no other excuse to drink this.

Michelob Ultra

You desire to be fit and attractive very much, but are unwilling to give up things—like beer drinking—that are necessary to achieve this goal. The word "carbs" was an important part of your vocabulary during the low carbs craze, but you are not really sure what the benefits of cutting carbs out of your diet might be. However, to be safe, you will drink a beer that claims to be low in carbs.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat
KEYWORDS: brewski
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 101-120121-140141-160 ... 241-256 next last
To: najida

Killians is a good alternative if you enjoy fog-bound hangovers! And I know you do, Najida! :o)


121 posted on 07/29/2005 9:05:14 AM PDT by pissant
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 38 | View Replies]

To: najida

You saunter into your local Irish pub thinking you're going to be cool and order a pinta good ol' Irish ale, clueless that its actually and American beer.


122 posted on 07/29/2005 9:08:30 AM PDT by elc
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 38 | View Replies]

To: Poser

PBRs!! God's gift to the budget concious imbiber. It's made a huge resurgence in the NW lately!


123 posted on 07/29/2005 9:10:34 AM PDT by pissant
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 43 | View Replies]

To: pissant

I don't have hangovers, thankyouverymuch, Mr. Smartypants ;)


124 posted on 07/29/2005 9:10:48 AM PDT by najida (Now living with cutting edge 1950's technology.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 121 | View Replies]

To: Allegra

Is there any good Iraqi beer?


125 posted on 07/29/2005 9:10:58 AM PDT by pissant
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 44 | View Replies]

To: hispanarepublicana

That's a Texas beer, isn't it? I thought everyone drank Lone Star & Pearl down there! ;o)


126 posted on 07/29/2005 9:11:42 AM PDT by pissant
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 52 | View Replies]

To: MamaTexan

You and PapaT both have good taste. And you know having Pissant's blessing will make taste even better! ;o)


127 posted on 07/29/2005 9:12:41 AM PDT by pissant
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 55 | View Replies]

To: CONSERVE; Argh

Labatts? Are you a Canuck like Argh??


128 posted on 07/29/2005 9:13:14 AM PDT by pissant
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 57 | View Replies]

To: elc; najida

That was about Killians, BTW.


129 posted on 07/29/2005 9:14:03 AM PDT by elc
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 122 | View Replies]

To: elc

I just like the way it tastes...

And it's what I steal from my brother's fridge, so it's free.


130 posted on 07/29/2005 9:15:23 AM PDT by najida (Now living with cutting edge 1950's technology.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 129 | View Replies]

To: alisasny

I take it you are female then!


131 posted on 07/29/2005 9:16:54 AM PDT by pissant
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 58 | View Replies]

To: hispanarepublicana

It's just you! LOL


132 posted on 07/29/2005 9:17:23 AM PDT by pissant
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 63 | View Replies]

To: EX52D

I recovered from my hangeover enough to get out to buy more beer! Cheers back at ya! ;o)


133 posted on 07/29/2005 9:18:06 AM PDT by pissant
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 64 | View Replies]

To: Proud2BeRight

Duff? I prefer what Hank Hill drinks! ;o)


134 posted on 07/29/2005 9:18:45 AM PDT by pissant
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 69 | View Replies]

To: Mad Dawgg

I like an icy cold Grolsch once in a while. The bottles are cool too!


135 posted on 07/29/2005 9:19:28 AM PDT by pissant
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 76 | View Replies]

To: Hoodlum91

Natural Light? My goodness, I'd completely forgotten about that. I think you can still buy a case for $7.99. LOL


136 posted on 07/29/2005 9:20:30 AM PDT by pissant
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 77 | View Replies]

To: pissant

Aw, Peggy, you forgot to pick up a case of Alamo when you were at the Mega-lo-mart.


137 posted on 07/29/2005 9:20:34 AM PDT by Woman on Caroline Street (I'm not a canned good. Please don't label me.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 134 | View Replies]

To: cowboyway

And no taste buds, to boot! ;o)

How's my Bertha doin, BTW?


138 posted on 07/29/2005 9:21:17 AM PDT by pissant
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 80 | View Replies]

To: biblewonk

LOL. Make that "Ociffer". ;o)


139 posted on 07/29/2005 9:21:57 AM PDT by pissant
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 85 | View Replies]

To: Dashing Dasher

I'm learning to avoid your wrath! ;o)


140 posted on 07/29/2005 9:22:29 AM PDT by pissant
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 89 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 101-120121-140141-160 ... 241-256 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson