...
4. While I'm golfing today, why don't you hop on the stationary bike and burn a few calories.
I like this one the best! ;o)
(laughing) "Oh, wow, you thought I MEANT that???"
"Yes, it does make you look fat. Do you want me to be nice or honest? Obviously it doesn't mean I find you unattractive because I'm HERE, but, yes, you need to shape up some."
"I hate your mother. I don't mean we 'don't get along' I mean I wish she were stapled to her seat in a bus heading over a narrow bridge on a rainy night with Ted Kennedy behind the wheel."
"Watch TV alone and concentrate on the show, or do something with me--watching the tube is not a group activity."
or...
"Yes, I do find both Gilmour Girls hot, but I never would have ever watched a TV show called Gilmour Girls if you hadn't whined at me to cuddle while you watched TV, so it's your own fault, now keep quiet, the commercial is over."
Actually I HAVE said all these, which is why I'm single again... (and happy to be)
It's really not very funny.
Ok you asked for it lol
Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers?
A. They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don't work.
Q. How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Q. How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
A. We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
Q. How do men exercise on the beach?
A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
Q. How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
A. Make him wear shoes.
Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A. Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
Q. How does a man show he's planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Q. How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
A. All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
Q. What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
A. Any place without a drive-up window.
Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.
Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man's penis?
A. His body.
Q. What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A. A power failure.
Q. What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.
Q. What do men and mascara have in common?
A. They both run at the first sign of emotion.
Q. What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A. They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!
Q. What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
A. His wife is good at picking out clothes.
Q. What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
A. Sex.
Q. What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?
A. Telling you his real name.
Q. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.
Q. What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
A. Big Foot's been spotted a several times.
Q. What's the smartest thing a man can say?
A. "My wife says..."
Q. Why can't men get mad cow disease?
A. Because they're all pigs.
Q. Why do men like smart women?
A. Opposites attract.
Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.
Q. Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
A. Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Q. Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A. Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
A. Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
Q. When do you care for a man's company?
A. When he owns it.
Q. What do men and sperm have in common?
A. They both have one in a million chance of becoming a human being.
Ping! Come help us out over here!
We have a love-hate relationship. I love her, she hates me.
like, "how should I know? I'll check FR".
or, "either get your own computer and screename for FR, or ask me what's going on in the world AFTER I log off....but quit looking/reading over my shoulder!....and, since you're leaving, can you go refill my coffee?"