Posted on 07/20/2005 8:58:42 PM PDT by Aussie Dasher
The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK). A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney- can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden) A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK) A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA) A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France) A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France) A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
A big PING!!
I have one. Is it true that Aussies don't like Steve Irwin? :o)
Not at all. We just think he's a pain in the arse!
I wonder if they have Outback Steakhouses there. Or is it Outhouse Steakhouses?
Just kidding folks. Don't get your knickers in a twist.
Idiots can be entertaining (except at election time!)
Nah! No Outback Steakhouses here - except, of course, for steak houses in the outback.
And do the steakhouses in the outback have outhouses out back?
You've got some really good wine in Australia.
I have to admit I've not been to a steak house in the outback, so I've no idea what's "out back".
However, I do plead guilty to giving our wines a fair flogging. Some of the best in the world!
Q: Looking at pictures andtv from Australia, is it possible to acquire enough food to not get emaciated? (USA) A: Yes, but unlike Americans, Aussies tend to eat a well balanced diet and watch ca-lo-ric intake, ah screw it, bring your own emergency rations to picnic after the Vienna Boy's Choir, King Cross, every Wednesday.
Don't forget the most important part: Come naked!
Thank YOU for the big PING! ;o)
"Don't forget the most important part: Come naked!"
Ohhh...you Aussies!
You never forget the most important part. ;o)
That was very good, JerseyHighlander!
Had you not forgotten the most important part,
I'd think you were an Aussie, yourself.
Well...except for your screen name...
;o)
Can we deport our Muslim population to the Australian outback? Hey, they might discover oil there!
I saw on your home page that Australians like Americans. Is that still the case? All we get from the MSM is that the world hates us and thinks we are the only problem. If we disappeared everybody else would get along great.
Of course they would have to settle whether they spoke Chinese or Arabic.
We've got more than enough bloody Muslims here now. Do you want ours?
Aussies love you Yanks. We love to go there and you're always more than welcome here.
No
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