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That business out of the way, let's have at it!
I wish I had a dollar for everytime my hubby said that to me. :-)
Three men were discussing how often they make love to their wives. One of them was bragging that he and his wife still make love every month. The older of the three gentlemen was grinning and looking full of himself.
The next man said, "That's nothing. My wife still makes love to me every week." "Every week," said the first. "Man, how I wish my wife would be interested that often." At this point the oldest starts laughing out loud.
"You must be really satisfied," said the first. "How often do you and your wife make love?"
"Once a year," was his answer.
"Once a year?! Why are you so happy if you only make love to your wife once a year?"
"Because tonight's the night."
Shalom.
A guy was in a Dublin bar, having a Guinness. Sitting next to him are two guys, in a loud and excited discussion. He listens in...
"So where you from?", asks one.
Dublin!, says the other.
Dublin? Imagine that? Me too. St. Mary's parish, in fact!"
"St. Mary's? My God! What a coincidence! I'm a St Mary's boy myself. I don't suppose you know where Church Street is then?
Do I know it? I was raised on Church Street!!!!!!!
By Jesus. Imagine that!!! I was raised on Church Street me self!!
About this time, the guy at the end of the bar asks the bar tender, "What's the kerfuffle with them two?"
"Them?, says the bartender? "Oh that's the O'Reilly twins, drunk again!"
>An Irishman arrived at JFK Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.
>
>"No," replied the Irishman, "I've lost all me luggage!"
>
>"How'd that happen?"
>
>"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.
>
I'd tell the man to get his own damn beer, and while he's at it, freshen my vodka, darlin'.
This old couple was sitting on the front porch, rocking in their rocking chairs.
All of a sudden, the old woman hits the old man on the back of the head, knocking him out of his chair.
He struggles to get back in the chair and turns to her... "Whatcha do that fer?"
She replies "That's for bein' a lousy lover all these years!"
After a few more minutes of rocking, the old man hits the old woman on the back of the head, knocking her out of her chair.
After she manages to get back into her chair she turns to the old man and asks... "What was that fer?"
"That was fer knowing the difference!"
I'm sure you know of the Irish gay guys, Michael Fitzpatrick & Partick Fitzmichael.
First the American measures his. 8 inches. Then the Brit measures his. 7 inches. The Frenchman whips his out. One inch! They just make the criteria and their lives are spared.
Later they three are telling some buddy;s about the hold up. "Lucky for us I had 7 inches!", boasts the Brit. "Nice, but not as nice as my 8 inches!", says the Yank.
"Zat is true. But lucky for all of us I was arouse-ed!,"says the frog.
Sometimes we have a sittin' contest to see which one breaks first. Our eyes keep darting back and forth to each other. It's about 60%-40%......but I'm wearing him down...lolol
LOL! Sounds just about right.
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.
>
>The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have ya been drinkin'?"
>
>"Just water," says the priest.
>
>The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
>
>The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
>
I hope this helps...
Whelm \Whelm\, v. t. [imp. & p. p. Whelmed; p. pr. & vb. n.
Whelming.] [OE. whelmen to turn over, akin to OE. whelven,
AS. whelfan, hwylfan, in ?whylfan, ?whelfan, to overwhelm,
cover over; akin to OS. bihwelbian, D. welven to arch, G.
w["o]lben, OHG. welben, Icel. hvelfa to overturn; cf. Gr. ?
bosom, a hollow, a gulf.]
[1913 Webster]
1. To cover with water or other fluid; to cover by immersion
in something that envelops on all sides; to overwhelm; to
ingulf.
[1913 Webster]
She is my prize, or ocean whelm them all! --Shak.
[1913 Webster]
The whelming billow and the faithless oar. --Gay.
[1913 Webster]
2. Fig.: To cover completely, as if with water; to immerse;
to overcome; as, to whelm one in sorrows. "The whelming
weight of crime." --J. H. Newman.
[1913 Webster]
3. To throw (something) over a thing so as to cover it.
[Obs.] --Mortimer.
[1913 Webster]
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The birch says he cannot tell.
Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."
Wipe that smile off your face.
you go, girl. You must have been married a while. Me too.
Seriously, though, I'm proud of my husband; he's been sober 20 years!
And just where in the heck is this college every one tells me about called F**K U?
Nice. I used to have that poster behind the lathe in my shop....then I got married.
An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, "Grampa, what is sex?" The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question, then she's old enough to get a straight answer.
Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of intercourse.
When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement. Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you ask this question, honey?"
The little girl replied, "Grandma says that dinner will be ready in just a couple of secs."
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