1 posted on
02/11/2005 11:04:16 AM PST by
TheBigB
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To: presidio9; Fierce Allegiance; Constitution Day; martin_fierro; Tijeras_Slim; Owl_Eagle; ...
2 posted on
02/11/2005 11:05:08 AM PST by
TheBigB
("Official Keeper of the FR Eye Candy" ~Title bestowed by SirLurkedalot)
To: TheBigB
I have been waiting for this.
Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local
neighborhood bar.
Late in the evening, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so
intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the
parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different
vehicles, the man managed to find his own car which he fell into.
He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left
the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the
wipers on and off (it was a dry night), flicked the hazard flasher
on and off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and
then remained stationary for a few more minutes as more patrons
left in their vehicles. At last he pulled out of the parking lot
and started to drive slowly down the street. The police officer,
having patiently waited all this time, now started up his patrol
car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and
carried out a breathalyzer test.
To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the
man having consumed alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany
me to the Police Station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy."
To: TheBigB
4 posted on
02/11/2005 11:05:26 AM PST by
martin_fierro
(FReep Wry For The Straight Guy)
To: TheBigB
Harley Davidson meets God
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur
Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St.
Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man
and your motorcycles have changed the world, your
reward will be to hang out with anyone you want in
Heaven." Arthur thought about it for a minute and then
said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took
Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you
were the one who invented the Harley Davidson
motorcycle?" Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me." God
commented, "So what's the big deal in inventing
something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and
pollution, and can't run without a road?" Arthur was
apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me,
but aren't you the inventor of woman?" God said, "Umm,
yes." "Well," said Arthur, "professional to
professional, you have some major design flaws in your
invention: 1. There's too much inconsistency in the
front-end protrusion; 2. It chatters constantly at
high speeds; 3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and
wobble too much; 4. The intake is placed way too close
to the exhaust; 5. And the maintenance costs are
outrageous!!" "Hmmmm, you may have some good points
there," replied God, "Hold on." God went to his
Celestial super-computer, typed in a few words and
waited for the results. The computer printed out a
slip of paper and God read it. "Well, it may be true
that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but
according to these numbers, more men are riding my
invention than yours."
5 posted on
02/11/2005 11:05:46 AM PST by
Fierce Allegiance
(Have you seen "Distraction" on Comedy Central? It's dumb, but funny. 7:30 p.m. eastern)
To: TheBigB; Jet Jaguar
"Fierce Allegiance used to have a Debbie Gibson tape in his truck. :^)"
JetJaguar still does. :P
6 posted on
02/11/2005 11:05:59 AM PST by
Darkwolf377
("Of the four wars in my lifetime none came about because the U.S. was too strong."-Ronald Reagan)
To: TheBigB
9 posted on
02/11/2005 11:06:46 AM PST by
Fierce Allegiance
(Have you seen "Distraction" on Comedy Central? It's dumb, but funny. 7:30 p.m. eastern)
To: TheBigB
10 posted on
02/11/2005 11:07:07 AM PST by
najida
(Where is my smelling nose dog and my parking space! I have Anomsia, ya know.)
To: TheBigB
I've been waiting for this.
12 posted on
02/11/2005 11:07:40 AM PST by
Bahbah
To: TheBigB
15 posted on
02/11/2005 11:08:41 AM PST by
armymarinemom
(but should never follow the words 'I support the troops")
To: TheBigB
Como se Llama?
16 posted on
02/11/2005 11:08:56 AM PST by
Conspiracy Guy
(Reading is fundamental. Comprehension is optional. Fireproof taglines available.)
To: TheBigB
20 posted on
02/11/2005 11:09:58 AM PST by
Dominick
("Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the right to do what we ought." - JP II)
To: TheBigB
I must say, I do love these threads, and most certainly I am doomed as well......
24 posted on
02/11/2005 11:11:04 AM PST by
musical_airman
(Apparently, I have too much time on my hands.)
To: TheBigB
Geez, i've been waiting all day, TheBigB:
Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&M University has invented
a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples
from
pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in. At a news
conference announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr.
Rickson outside and kicked the shit out of him.
26 posted on
02/11/2005 11:11:39 AM PST by
peacebaby
("...please refrain from impugning my integrity." Dr. Condoleezza Rice, 1/18/05)
To: TheBigB
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a baby with Downs syndrome??
They named him Sum Ting Wong.
Did you hear about the Chinese baby that took off his diaper and threw it at his parents?
They call him Hoo Flung Poo.
28 posted on
02/11/2005 11:11:55 AM PST by
RockinRight
(It's NOT too early to start talking about 2006...or 2008.)
To: TheBigB
30 posted on
02/11/2005 11:12:04 AM PST by
Arrowhead1952
("I hate the Republicans and everything they stand for," - Howard Dean 01/29/2005)
To: TheBigB
Here's a silly joke.
Kraft Foods is thinking of opening a plant in Israel. Know what they are going to call it?
Get ready to groan.....
Cheeses of Nazareth.
31 posted on
02/11/2005 11:12:04 AM PST by
Bella_Bru
(You're about as funny as a case sensitive search engine.)
To: TheBigB
LET'S ROLL!
To: TheBigB
You had me with the first pic, lost me with the second, confused me on the third and reeled me back in with the fourth.
36 posted on
02/11/2005 11:13:14 AM PST by
Bikers4Bush
(Flood waters rising, heading for more conservative ground. Vote for true conservatives!)
To: TheBigB
39 posted on
02/11/2005 11:13:29 AM PST by
BenLurkin
(Big government is still a big problem.)
To: TheBigB
HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!
40 posted on
02/11/2005 11:13:44 AM PST by
PaulaB
(Boxer/Kerry-Prime Example Of Why Liberals Can't Lead This Country)
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