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Please help
1 posted on 12/20/2004 6:41:03 AM PST by kerouacbal
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To: kerouacbal
Please help

You'll get many funny quips here but to me it seems you really do want help. I hope you do "grow up" and become the man your wife and son need. You may have taken the first step today.

Best of luck to you.

24 posted on 12/20/2004 6:49:34 AM PST by lindor
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To: kerouacbal
Call around to churches in your area and find a pastor who does marriage counseling. Go see him, whether your wife wants to or not.

I've been shot at by professionals, and I've been divorced. Divorce is harder.

26 posted on 12/20/2004 6:49:40 AM PST by Terabitten (Proud member of the Free Republic wolfpack)
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To: kerouacbal

I do not wish to critize you wife. But if she mentions divorce every day then she probably needs to grow up as well.


27 posted on 12/20/2004 6:49:55 AM PST by KJacob (Faith is not believing God can. It is knowing God will.)
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To: kerouacbal

Got news for you, friend...nothing you do will ever be enough.

If your wife is talking divorce every day, then there is more going on than forgetting to take the trash out... call it buyers remorse, call it anything you want...but there's more here than meets the eye.

Get some counselling...or get ready to pack. Women tend to marry a guy not for who he is, but rather for what they think they can change him into. Then the moment they get you to change, they decide that you've changed... and you are the same man they married... and you've grown apart... thenthey start talking divorce.

No, I'm not bitter...just been down this path myself and learned the hard way.... oh, yeah, get a good lawyer. Women tend to see divorce as a war... they don't take prisoners and they want to make sure that every shred of your will to live is destroyed... women can be cruel, vindictive and just plain evil. And while we're on the subject, let's not forget the double standards...


28 posted on 12/20/2004 6:49:59 AM PST by RayBob
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To: kerouacbal

Learn to slap a ho.


29 posted on 12/20/2004 6:50:06 AM PST by Sir Gawain
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To: kerouacbal

The best approach is to write down the things you need to do, on a list. Then, go down the list and cross them off as they are completed.


30 posted on 12/20/2004 6:50:38 AM PST by expatpat
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To: kerouacbal

Your cry for help is an urgent symptom. Make an appointment with your doctor and tell your wife that you are doing so. It may not be what you think....


32 posted on 12/20/2004 6:50:50 AM PST by richardtavor (Pray for the peace of Jerusalem in the name of the G-d of Jacob)
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To: kerouacbal

Your wife should give you a 2005 gift certificate to canine obedience class :0)


34 posted on 12/20/2004 6:51:16 AM PST by dennisw (Help put the "Ch" back in Chanukah)
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To: kerouacbal

2 words - counseling , communication


39 posted on 12/20/2004 6:52:25 AM PST by InvisibleChurch (Good ol' Coney Island College. Go WhiteFish. / pay no attention to the primedial newscasts)
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To: kerouacbal

Write down a list, i.e.

Take out trash. Pick up dirty clothes. Help with laundry.
Make the bed.

Check the doors at bedtime.

Help with dishes.

Play with child 2 hours/day.

Pay bills.

Whatever--

Just do your chores and mark them off each day when you do.
Put the list up on the frig, in your daybook, wherever you will see it. That's how we trained our kids in their responsibilities.

Good luck.


40 posted on 12/20/2004 6:52:37 AM PST by Judith Anne (Thank you St. Jude for favors granted.)
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To: kerouacbal

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Practice that, you'll grow up and maybe your wife won't leave you. Sounds like you are not used to having to do anything to get by. Love and marriage is really hard work. Get used to it. Nothing comes for free.


41 posted on 12/20/2004 6:52:41 AM PST by Lee Heggy
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To: kerouacbal

I've been married for 40 years. At certain problematic times, my wife and I did benefit from marriage counseling. I recommend it. But make sure it's working for the two of you. If you're getting nowhere, try another counselor.


43 posted on 12/20/2004 6:53:05 AM PST by december12
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To: kerouacbal

Wow. I don't know that i have a lot of answers, but I hope the people here can help point you in the right direction.

Sorry to say, but 26 sounds young - to us "old folks," it sounds younger every hear! From what little you've said, it sounds to me like you both may have some growing up to do. And with a young child, I'm sure you want to try to work it out if you can.

First, try to remember what brought you together in the first place. Is there a way to make a "fresh start" and fall in love all over again? Not infatuation, but true love - sharing all the bad times as well as the good.

Really, the best thing is to maybe speak to a clergyman or get professional marriage counseling. Look inside yourself and ask God for guidance also. But the first question to ask is whether you both want to work it out or not. Answering that question - are you both in for the long haul or not - will go a long way to resolving this.

Don't mean to sound preachy. just trying to give some thoughts.

Good luck.


44 posted on 12/20/2004 6:53:27 AM PST by cvq3842
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To: kerouacbal; xzins
but I can't seem to do it or do it quick enough. I can't seem to remember consistently to do every day things like take out the garbage make sure all the doors are locked and the heat is off at night (there is a lot more but won't get into it all).

Personally, as a Pastor (in my 19th year of marriage) things didnt straighten out for us until we placed God at the apex of the relationship -

IMO a lot of folk (me included) feel its important to get married before God, but then exclude Him from the relationship, when clearly the Bible says include Him

sorry to preach this early - just my opinion - I had the same beefs though

I'd also look at a mild ADD or ADHD

Statisitically by year seven, half of all relationships end in divirce - make it past that and your odds increase tremendously

Part of the problem though is trying to make the imperfect (man and woman), perfect....and this is where a lot of folk run into trouble - you cant figuratively clothe yourself in perfection as were sinners - Only God can make a relationship pure.

For us it included much reading a a fresh understanding of what the spouse desired from the relationship, and investing in the relationship by meeting those needs.

Pastor xzins does family counseling - I'll ping him here for his input as well

46 posted on 12/20/2004 6:53:44 AM PST by Revelation 911
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To: kerouacbal

I agree with others - it sounds like your wife will find anything to make up excuses. Ive seen it in other marriages where one spouse will find simple excuses to lash out at the other spouse and justify thier so-called need for a divorce. I hope I am wrong and you can save your marriage especially since you have a young son. Best of luck.


48 posted on 12/20/2004 6:54:38 AM PST by theinwithin
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To: kerouacbal
So you're a normal American male. Sorry, but you're hopeless.

Just kidding...this actually belongs in General Chat, or Religion, but until the All-Knowing, all-seeing Mods move it, we'll just deal with it.

You remind me of me.

I still forget to do things.

The fact your wife is talking divorce so soon, is a problem.

How long were ya'll together before marriage?

How soon after the marriage did ya'll have a son?

My wife and I have been married 26 1/2 years, but we've been together for 35 years.

I was lucky, I got the right one the first time, and in spite of my being a pure-d a$$hole, she has stuck by me.

49 posted on 12/20/2004 6:54:41 AM PST by concretebob (but what do I know, I'm just an ignorant peasant)
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To: kerouacbal
Go to family.org for some advice. Other than that, apologize sincerely when you are in the wrong, but calmly stand up for yourself when your wife is being unreasonable. No one loves a wimp. She knows she's not perfect either.

If you are going to forget chore details, whatever you do, don't forget to say you love her and to be thoughtful. Do things for her. Let her see you do things for your child. Every mother is touched when her child's father shows great interest in being a dad. Every child needs his father to love his mother. It's all connected.

Last, learn to listen. That doesn't mean just that you can parrot the words back, that means that you actually listen and participate in the conversation. Women like conversation.

51 posted on 12/20/2004 6:54:44 AM PST by King Black Robe
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To: kerouacbal
Get your family into a Bible teaching church. If a marriage doesn't have Jesus, it's even harder to keep together.

Sit down with your wife and the two of you make out an expectation list. What does she expect, what do you expect out of this marriage.

Work hard every day on telling her how much you love and need her.

Please remind her to think of your child first. Children are always the losers when it comes to divorce.

I'll be praying for your family and I can't stress enough how bad your family needs the word of God instilled into your hearts.

God Bless
52 posted on 12/20/2004 6:54:46 AM PST by PaulaB (Merry Christmas)
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To: kerouacbal
Sounds like you are in what a certain type of woman calls a "starter marriage."

She's looking for an upgrade, and the two minute warning has sounded.

55 posted on 12/20/2004 6:55:27 AM PST by E. Pluribus Unum (Drug prohibition laws help fund terrorism.)
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To: kerouacbal

You seem to know what you need to do, so just do it. Have a heart to heart talk with your wife, and make sure that you're both on the same page. Make sure that the changes she would like you to make, are what you work on. She needs to get the "D" word out of her head, or maybe she is just using your inadequacies as "the problem".


56 posted on 12/20/2004 6:55:28 AM PST by arichtaxpayer (We will not tire, we will not falter, and we will not fail.)
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