Posted on 12/11/2004 5:37:20 AM PST by RobFromGa
To Any Person Who Suspects They May Have a Drinking Problem,
I have written this to describe my experiences of the past 14 months as I have worked to resolve my drinking problem. Everyone is different and I do not propose to be an expert on this topic, but I have my own personal experience and I am sharing it in the hope that it might help someone else to solve this problem and change their life.
I have now been sober for 14 months without a drop of alcohol. This is not a long time as compared to over 25 years of heavy drinking, but I also know something else: I am totally confident that I will never drink again.
In that 14 months I have made it through two football tailgating seasons, over a hundred business lunches and dinners, numerous trips to Germany where beer flows like water, parties, picnics, Super Bowls, a Caribbean cruise, several family vacations, ups and down in life, etc. All things that I thought “required” alcohol.
Fortunately, I did not have some event that caused me to hit “rock bottom”. (I could have had many rock bottoms but I was lucky). Some people need to lose their job, lose their family, kill or seriously injure someone in a car accident, end up in prison, or many other horrible things that alcohol (or drugs) can cause in order to gather the will to quit. Some people think that “bottom” is the only thing that can make a drinker quit for good. I have met many people who proved to me that this is false, you can make such a decision without going through the horrors. But in some ways it is tougher to take the first step.
In every other way, it is much easier to skip the “rock bottom” step and I hope that this letter helps at least one other person to avoid the lost job, lost marriage or prison route to sobriety.
Last October, I made a firm decision to quit and I followed through on that commitment. But I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t admit that I had similarly tried to control my drinking or quit at least 100 times before.
Why was I able to quit this time as compared with the previous 100 attempts? This is a very good question. The only answer I have come up with as to is that this time I was really ready to quit for myself alone. I was truly 100% sick and tired of the way alcohol affected me and I wanted a different life. All the other times I was, in some way, not really ready to control my drinking. The bottle was still in charge. I tried many tactics: I’d only drink on weekends, only drink after 5pm, only drink at parties (almost anything can become a party in such a plan), only drink beer, only drink wine, only drink hard liquor, only drink things I didn’t like the taste of (I know it sounds nuts but I was nuts), only drink every other week, quit for a day, quit for a weekend, quit for a week, quit for “this vacation or event”. I tried every way to quit in the world to stop drinking except the way that eventually worked for me.
If you are reading this and you know someone that has a drinking problem and you want to help them, you must understand that you are at a severe disadvantage. This is a condition of the mind more than a condition of the body and it is nearly impossible to bring another person to a mental place where they can admit that alcohol is causing more pain in their life than the pleasure it brings. Because a drinker can hardly imagine life without alcohol. It is with us at many points of our thinking and decision making process. We make plans around alcohol and drinking, not all of the time but enough.
If this does not sound like you at this point but you still think you might have a problem, I am not going to tell you that you are OK with your drinking, I will only say that you don’t have the same problem that I was facing so my experience may be of little value to you. I do know people who can go for long periods with nothing at all, then they “binge” and drink to pass out. This is obviously a problem, but not the problem that I have experience with. For 25 years I drank to excess. I often did not get "drunk" but I was always under the influence. For many of those years I drank daily, sometimes starting at 6am and going till 2am the next night. I am not proud of this but it is the truth.
As a problem drinker, you probably associate most of the “fun” you have in life with alcohol in some portion and are worried that without alcohol you will become a dull, bored person with no joy in life. You probably think that there are some things where you will always have to drink to enjoy. I know I worried about that, and I can assure you it is false. You will enjoy life more when you quit, at least that has been my experience. Even that Caribbean cruise and college football tailgating.
I first started drinking in High School. I don’t feel that it is necessary to recount the whole story but I drank to blackout on a number of incidences. Other times I just got really drunk and did stupid things that put my life at risk. I drove many times when I had no business on the road, and it would not have taken much to have had a series of events happen that would have changed my life for the worse. In college, I made good grades at a top Engineering school, while drinking heavily. It was a joke that I would study with a bottle of Jim Beam next to my desk.
As I got into the business world, and specifically into sales, drinking is a daily part of business life. At least that’s what a drinker thinks. And for people who do not have a problem controlling it, drinking is a wonderful part of life. The occasional party or business dinner and a few social drinks to move the business forward are great. But I was never able to do that—for me it was five, ten, fifteen drinks. Into the late hours, with not enough sleep, feeling like crap the next morning when I should have been at my best. Then repeating the same behavior each night. And I was very successful, and I thought drinking was part of the success.
I rationalized that with my talent, the drinking was part of who I am, and that even at 50% I was still more capable than most others so it wasn’t necessary to control myself.
I know this is getting long so I’ll get to the point: One Friday last October I was driving down the road. I hadn’t had a drink in two days and was in one of my “quit drinking the rest of the week” attempts. Rush Limbaugh announced that he was going to a Rehab Center for his drug addiction to resolve his problem. This for some reason got through to me. I called two people that I am close with and told them that I was not going to drink one drop of alcohol until Rush came out of treatment. (Telling these people I had made this decision helped me).
I told myself that after thirty days, I would decide whether I would drink again in a more controlled manner or stop completely. I did not have the luxury of taking the time off from work to enter treatment, but since Rush was going in, he was in there for both of us.
I did not attend AA (although I will talk about AA later) but I was clearly at the first step of their program. It is a very simple concept:
I admitted that I had a drinking problem and that I wanted to do something about it. I can tell you that if you are really at that point then you can fix yourself. If you are not at that step, then there is nothing that anyone can do to help you and I hope that you stay alive, and intact until you reach that point.
After about a week of sobriety, I stopped thinking about alcohol very much. I threw myself into work and tried to start losing weight as well. By the second week I made the decision: “I WILL NEVER DRINK AGAIN” and I wrote that in my journal. I recognized that a bottle of booze is an inanimate object that is simply poison to me and that it cannot force itself into my body. I have the control over whether I use my arms to bring the poison to my lips. And I choose not to allow that to happen ever again.
I have noticed that there is an inner “voice” that I have (he stays fairly silent now) that in the beginning used to put thoughts in my mind like: “surely you can just have one, you’ve been good”, “it’s a beautiful Fall Day, surely you could just do the social drink”, “you’re in the Caribbean for Gods’ sakes, shouldn’t you at least have one Margarita to celebrate your sobriety”. When my mind lets the inner voice talk, I quickly reassert control and think about the serenity that I have found since I quit drinking.
I need to stop writing now, the family is waking up, but I will write another letter tomorrow morning which describes these 14 months and what other tactics I have used in my sobriety.
I hope that this helps at least one other soul out there. Feel free to post questions or suggestions.
FReegards, RobFromGa
"I sure am. Going to a meeting tonight. Thanks for asking!"
Excellent plan! Great to see that you're hanging in and attending meetings. Please count me in among your many supporters here. Any one of us will do all that we can to help you. That's the way this deal works! God bless.
The grandbaby is doing fine. She's in Virginia so we havn't seen her yet. Hoping the trip here in march comes through.
doing OK here and thank you for asking Sweetie.
PwMp
....got any pictures? We love baby pictures here on FReeRepublic!
For the answer read Dr. James Milam's "Under the Influence", one of the most valuable books for treatment people as well as those trying to recover. The studies of ethnicity and the incidence of alcoholism, as well as twin studies,prove the genetic component. Alcoholics and non-alcoholics have different body chemistries and as a result process alcohol differently. This explains the increase in tolerance in the alcoholic and not the non-alcoholic. Unfortunately, alcoholics, are lumped in with problem drinkers, which they may or may not be, and oftentimes receive treatment for a behavior rather than the phisiological aspects of alcoholism,ie. malnutrition, and more importantly for the long term, unstable blood glucose levels. Dr. Milam ran one of the most successful programs, with long term sobriety the norm rather than the exception. Anyone affected by alcoholism MUST get this book and follow the recommendation to the letter for life long AA meeting free sobriety.
I was waiting to hear about AA. Although your post is very open and honest, the majority of people have a hard time staying sober on their own. Please don't discount AA should the time come when you really need it. The power of support cannot be underestimated. Good luck and if anyone out there wonders if they have an alcohol or drug problem, you probably do. People who don't rarely think about if they do.
....do you mind if I post to your question?
We have a friend who is 75 years old and we have known him to drink on a daily basis (heavily) for 25 years, and he swears he has drank just as much since he was 25 years old.
You would never believe how much he drinks by looking at him, nor does he slur, stager or have a personality change. This man doesn't look his age, and he is one of the nicest looking man I know, not haggard at all. So I guess the answer to your question is NOT EVERY ONE!
see posts #251 and #272 for my comments re AA, I agree it is a great program, and a lifesaver for millions...
It all depends on how you define "heavy drinking".
Can you shed some more light as to what to exect when your body is going through detox? If you can go a week without drinking, aren't you detoxed? How long does this process take?
This post made me want to have a big stiff drink.
If you haven't had a drink in a week, you are almost certainly through any physical withdrawal. For people that have withdrawal symptoms, I think three-four days the bulk of it is over.
I didn't have any noticeable withdrawal symptoms myself, but I have talked with plenty of people who did.
Sounds like you may have a problem. (just kidding, thanks for stopping by)
I remember some months ago when you first wrote of this. I could not be happier about your ongoing recovery. Mrs. Lando lost her father to alcohol and I can say first-hand how difficult that is. Your brutal honesty should be uplifting to all who take the time to read your story. I've wished this before and I'll wish it now.....may God bless you and yours.
Lando 
Thanks for the encouragement, I still get FRmail once a week or so from someone who sees this thread, I think that the comments by everyone are helping some people (and driving others to big stiff drinks LOL).
Thanks for the well wishes.
I was happy to see it BTTT. Keep on fighting the good fight my FRiend!
Please put me on the RobFromGa ping.
Thank you very much.
You're on the list, it is a low volume list. Ping me if you see anything of interest to the recovery community.
Best of luck!
Rob N.
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