Posted on 12/03/2004 7:01:43 AM PST by grellis
First, I'd like to ask all of you to say a prayer for one of our moms, backinthefold, whose son broke two foot bones recently. Can we have an update, BITF?
Next...well, I'm not sure where to begin. Earlier this week a thread was run, "A Paradigm Shift in Parenting" (sorry folks, I've forgotten the html for links) in which many of the FFT parents posted comments. The discussion among FReepers on the thread began as a look at the economics of parenting, a topic which we have discussed a number of times in the past. What the discussion turned into was just ugly, on many different levels. A few of the prevailing attitudes seemed to be "I am a stay at home mom so I'm a better parent than you are;" "I homeschool my kids so I'm a better parent than you are;" "I live in an afforable community so I'm a better parent than you are"...one complete (insert expletive here) even had the raw nerve to refer to the adoptive parents of foreign-born children as traitors to America.
What goes on here? Do we realize how hurtful some of our comments are going to be before we post them and have at it anyway, or is it just that we don't think about it? Do we make an effort to try to understand someone's situation before we pass our judgement upon them? Which begs the obvious question: Who are we to judge? I freely admit that I have done this in the past. When a poster gripes about the high cost of living in their community, my first thought is "So move!" Yet, recently, when I had occasion to gripe about the slumlords in my own community, I took great offense when I was told--you guessed it--"So move!" Is there some way that we can be more supportive of the choices of other parents? If that is not possible, could we at least try to be a little more constructive in our criticism?
Is this going to be the first FFT thread in which comments are removed by the mods??!
80 Square Miles had the pecan tip. I have the distinct feeling there will be a national shortage of butterscotch Schnapps this year!
It is an awfully fine line, especially when we don't know the circumstances. There were a few FReepers on the "Paradigm" thread who took the time to explain why they live in expensive communities and have to have both parents employed to continue living where they do--and they were circumstances as opposed to excuses. There were other FReepers who fell silent and I find myself wondering why.
The more I think about the "So move!" attitude, which as I have said is one I have had in the past, the more angry I get about it. I do live in an affordable community. Guess what? We have dark clouds over here. Yes, I can afford to be a SAHM. However, I have rental properties on either side of me--both owned by slumlords. Two years ago we went an entire summer without being able to play in our own backyard because one of my neighboring tenants was a crack dealer. Two doors down from me, right now, there is a panhandling, heroin-addicted prostitute. When she's coherent, she's a very friendly lady. Her johns have taken to door-to-door panhandling, however, and these are scary guys. When someone knocks at my door lately, I answer it with an 8" chef's knife in one hand and the dog in another. Affordable communities may have some perks, but they have their down sides as well.
I have concluded that the Free Republic Answers are:
Is there some way that we can be more supportive of the choices of other parents?
NO.
If that is not possible, could we at least try to be a little more constructive in our criticism?
HELL, no.
It's so easy to tear down, ain't it?
I prefer the method of finding out the "WHY" behind a person's situation. Someone might have a holy horror of asking doctors for help - what reason is there for it? You learn by asking (the Army uses the euphemism, "Interrogation"...)
congrats! She's in my prayers! Can't wait to see pics!
CONGRATULATIONS DUDLEY!!! HUGS!
If you ever need a homeschool mom to weigh in on a thread and support you all, just ping me. I have made different decisions than you, but I support your right to make your own decision AND that you know you and your kids better than anyone and can make your own decision best since you have that information! *HUGS*
IIRC, I wanted to post on that thread, but I had a REALLY busy day and didn't have time to get into it -- which it looked like was going to be a necessity. I was there before the comment about adoption (what kind of moron would THINK such a thing, let alone ADMIT it?) or I don't think I could have held back. And an aside...My ALMOST 16 year old niece just gave birth to twins last week and gave them up for adoption. I want to send her a note to tell her I'm proud of her for choosing to deliver her children and then doing what had to be an extremely difficult thing and give them a better chance by giving them up. Any thoughts?
"Bless your bowels, honey ... I just love your sense of humor!"
I'm offended! I'll have you know that I *am* holier than you are, bless your bowels!
I meant to offend you, you holier-than-thou type! Pray for me and feel even more holy. Bless your heart! : )
ROFLMBO!!
A good friend who's from Mississippi informed me that "Bless Your Heart" is southern-speak for "What an idiot!"
Case in point:
"Johnny just drove off with his coat tail hanging out his door - bless his heart!"
Some people like to be insulting and classless. Just ignore them. Life's too short.
ROFL!!!!
To consistently be able to do that is an art, IMHO.
She is a Picasso! LOL!
I can't claim credit ... "Dead Corpse" gave me the Latin tagline which translates, roughly, "Bless your heart! How'd you get your hair to do THAT?!" Then I ran it by the North Carolina FReepers board and the translation got a little political. It refers to the recent, failed Democrat candidate for Senate, Erskine Bowles (Irksome Bowels).
The "rad-trad" I approached about helping with the translation didn't bite :-). Maybe I'll ask my priest on Sunday! He's old.
It's the Molasses Miasma of Niceness. It makes even the most contentious FReepers retire in confusion.
ROFL!!!!
My apologies for missing the ping this morning......for some reason I seem to have missed a bunch today. I will go back and look for it.
For me it's not so much that I can't hold my own, but some of the comments have been hurtful and not just here on FR......there have been some very hurtful and hateful things said to and about me over the years regarding my parenting, and I guess I lose my aligator skin when it comes to attacks on my family.
Thank you so very much for your vote of confinence in my abilities.
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