YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN FRESNO WHEN...
1. You have to explain to company from out of town, what animal a "Tri-tip" comes from and that it's indigenous to the area.
2. You buy salsa by the gallon.
3. Drivers think a red traffic light is just a suggestion.
4. All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October, but clear out before the end of April.
5. Most of the restaurants in town have the first name "El" or "Los"
6. You think 6 tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful yard.
7. You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
8. You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
9. You see more irrigation water on the street than in the river.
10. You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.
11. You can say 115 degrees without fainting.
12. Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way.
13. People break out coats when the temperature drops below 70.
14. You discover, in July, it only takes two fingers to drive your car.
15. You think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever.
16. The pool can be warmer than you are.
17. You can make sun tea instantly.
18. You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace.
19. People with black cars or upholstery are assumed to be from out-of-town.
20. Hot air balloons can't go up, because the air outside is hotter than the air inside.
21. You realize that Valley Fever isn't a disco dance.
22. The water from the cold water tap is the same temperature as the hot one.
23. It's noon in July, the kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving in the streets.
24. You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
25. You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
3. Drivers think a red traffic light is just a suggestion. haha ! I must live in Fresno. On the way back from Bally's this morning, I saw TWO folks run them. At two different lights. Each time, it wasn't EVEN close. They were BLATANT. I swear, I was in the middle lane and the runner in the left - if I had been in the same lane in front of him, I think he'd have nailed me from behind, he was that determined to go through it. It's a 7 mile drive from Bally's to my house.
I am amazed at how many folks do this.
5. Most of the restaurants in town have the first name "El" or "Los"
hehe ! When I lived in San Antonio, every business was "Alamo" this or "Alamo" that .....
10. You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.
hehe ! I remember having one of those in Fort Worth when we had just come back from Panama. I was 4 when we flew back to the States. When the folks bought a window unit A/C, I remember how much better I was able to sleep. The swamp coolers are SOooo humid.
22. The water from the cold water tap is the same temperature as the hot one.
hehe ! Summer showers are "cold water only" ....
Evening all.
Hi Amy. Your post about Fresno reminds me of New York City driving rules…
1) Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Long Island driver never uses them. Use of them in Massapequa may be illegal.
2) Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
3) Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered "going with the flow."
4) The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
5) Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork.
6) Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
7) Electronic traffic warning signs are not there to provide useful information. They are only there to make Long Island look high-tech, and to distract you from seeing the state police radar car parked on the median.
8) Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.
9) Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions, and are apparently not enforceable during rush hour.
10) Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident, or even if someone is just changing a tire.
11) Throwing litter on the roads adds color to the landscape and gives Adopt-a-Highway crews something to clean up.
12) It is assumed that state police cars passing at high speed may be followed in the event you need to make up a few minutes on your way to work, or the beach.
13) Heavy snow, ice, fog, and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way of ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales.
And...here is a list to see if you are from Illinois. TS likes to point out my grammar whenever I do #9. :)
You know you're from Illinois if...
1. You know twelve different ways to prepare corn on the cob.
2. You use words like "sposta" and "wytcha." Example: I'm sposta go to school wytcha today.
3. You measure distance in minutes.
4. Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
5. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
6. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
7. You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
8. You've pulled to the side of Interstate 94 to pick wild sunflowers growing in pavement cracks.
9. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go shopping I wanna go with."
10. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
11. You've gone downhill skiing on a landfill.
12. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jello salad with marshmallows.
13. You carry jumper cables in your car.
14. You know who Steve Dahl is and think he's hilarious.
15. You've done serious damage to your car by hitting a deer.
16. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
17. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.
18. You think people who pronounce our state "Ella noise" should be hog tied.
19. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a hockey jersey.
20. The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page, but requires 6 pages for sports.
21. You find -10 degrees F "a little chilly."
22. You've found more than three Native American arrowheads in a farmer's field.
23. You know if another Illinoisan is from southern, middle or northern Illinois as soon as he or she speaks.
24. You go through a minimum of three gallons of windshield washer fluid every winter.
25. You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your friends from Illinois.