Songs so bad they're on a list all their own

Houston Chronicle ^ | April 20, 2004, 4:05PM | CLIFFORD PUGH

[mean lunch lady]

Re: Ray Stevens...
Do you also have the one about the day the squirrel went berserk in the First South Baptist Church? That one is hilarious.

[gatorgriz]

Thanks for filling me in on who wrote the original version of "Muskrat Love" and not jumping all over me for not knowing about the travesty that was later recorded... The Captain and what's her name; I really hate their version; never heard the original, but I'll keep my eyes open for the orginal lp; never know what you might find at a garage sale!

[dirtbiker]

The dogs barking "Jungle Bells" should be on there.

What about the one with the chickens clucking "In The Mood"?

[dirtbiker]

Ray Stevens had a bunch of nutty songs: "Ahab the Arab", "Guitarzan", "Freddy Feelgood and His Funky Little 5 Piece Band", "Mississippi Squirrel Revival", "Junk Food Junkie", "The Haircut Song" ("I'm a Logger"), just to name a few.....

[dirtbiker]

Then again, there's my personal Blues favorite, "Nobody Loves Me But My Mama, and She Could Be Jivin' Too."

Wasn't that one by Blind Melon Chittling on a Cheech and Chong album?

[dirtbiker]

Jeremiah Peabody's Polyunsaturated, Quick-dissolving, Fast-acting, Pleasant-tasting Green and Purple Pills"?

Another Ray Stevens classic............

[mean lunch lady]

Re: Ray Stevens songs-

You forgot "The Streak"

[TotusTuus]

Christos Voskrese!

Revolution 9

That's a song?

Actually, the one time in my life that I called a radio station (an oldies at that), I requested this "song" as a joke. The DJ couldn't stop laughing. He just had to put the phone call on the air.

I think Blender was looking for the worst songs that were actually hits.

[bootless]

I *love* Guitarzan!

"Shut up, baby, I'm tryin' ta sing!"

[Salamander]

Creepier still:

"Ode to Billie Joe"

What the heck was thrown offa that bridge, anyway?!?

[solitas]

Mississippi Squirrel Revival. yep. but I prefer his older stuff - especially 'Turn Your Radio On' (1971?) (his variation of Albert Brumley's 1938 Gospel song - AB also wrote 'I'll Fly Away').

GRRREAT stuff!

[solitas]

hey! - don' diss Ray Stevens! (ref posts 143,159,161,164,et.al)

[mean lunch lady]

hey! - don' diss Ray Stevens! (ref posts 143,159,161,164,et.al)

No, no, I was talking about songs that I like! I would never diss Ray Stevens. He wrote some of the most unusual songs ever done. I think that's a good thing. And the Mississippi Squirrel Revival was thought - provoking as well as being outrageously funny.

[dirtbiker]

No dis here! I love that guy!!!

[texasflower]

"Who Let the Dogs Out"

[Chi-townChief]

Thanks!!! I was hoping somebody had posted this. While I obviously disagree with "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue", it's great to see that they nailed four liberal anthems: "We Built This City", "Ebony and Ivory", "Shiny Happy People", and "Sounds of Silence" which should definitely have made the top 10!

[Chi-townChief]

Looking through the list once more, one real glaring omission: they need a really overwrought Springsteen number, the kind where he sounds like he's on the toilet constipated, like "The River."

[fidelis]

Actually, it's a real song! I've heard a version by BB King.

[Scoutmaster]

When you say "Run Joey Run", you're probably referring to "Quick Joey Small (Run Joey Run)" by Kasenetz-Katz Singing Orchestral Circus.

Quick Joey Small went-a over the wall

with a ball and a chain behind him

Quick Joey Small went-a over the wall

Set the dogs right out to find him

Het Het

1969, if I'm not mistaken.

Not only do I have it on a 45, but I own two copies of a LP titled "Bubblegum Music is the Naked Truth," which features Quick Joey Small along with songs by the Ohio Express ("Chewy, Chewy", "Yummy, Yummy, Yummy", "Down at Lulu's") the 1910 Fruitgum Company ("Simon Says," "Goody, Goody Gumdrops"), and the Lemon Pipers ("Green Tamborine"), among others.

The problem with this list is trying to limit it to 50.

From just the period 1966-1969 or so, we haven't even mentioned "Here Comes the Judge" by Pigmeat Markum, "She's a Heartbreaker" by Gene Pitney ("The way you sock-it-to-me girl, you're outta sight"), Master Jack by Three Jacks and a Jill, "Indian Lake" by the Cowsills.

And don't get me started on the early 1960s ("Goodbye Cruel World (I'm Off to Join the Circus)" by Jimmy Darin, etc., **shiver**).

Now, as far as the greatest songs NEVER to make it into the Billboard Top Ten, one would be "Look of Love" by Leslie Gore -- not the same song as "The Look of Love," written by Burt Bacharach. Why? Simply because it ranks just behind "Be Young, Be Foolish, Be Happy" by the Tams as the best song ever for Shagging (not in the Austin Powers sense, but the Southern fraternity house dance similar to the Jitterbug).

[Scoutmaster]

Ack! No sooner did I hit the post button than I realized you were probably talking about "Run Joey Run" by David Geddes, approximately 1975.

Interesting that there can be two so truly bad songs containing the phrase "Run Joey Run" in the title.

Can anyone else thing of a three-word or longer phrase that appears in two or more of the worst songs ever? Eh?