Posted on 04/20/2004 3:43:17 PM PDT by Houmatt
We're a nation of lists. Best dressed. Worst dressed. Fattest cities. Fittest cities. Hottest couples. Baddest break-ups. The greatest and worst movies, television shows, videos, DVDs and albums of all time.
Heck, VH1 has even compiled the "top 9 Jen's." Aniston, Lopez and Garner lead the list (guess they couldn't locate a 10th).
But no one has compiled the 50 worst songs ever -- until now.
Blender, a heretofore little-known music magazine, has garnered a boatload of attention this week with its list of really bad rock-era tunes. According to an advance copy of the article, which is in the May issue (on newsstands April 27), the selected songs have "crap-tastic" melodies, were wretchedly performed or make no sense whatsoever.
Or perhaps they simply evoked bad memories for the magazine's editors.
Who could truly despise the No. 1 song on their list -- Starship's We Built This City -- or No. 33, Aqua's Barbie Girl ("I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world. Life in plastic, it's fantastic!")?
OK, so maybe Vanilla Ice's Ice Ice Baby, the Stevie Wonder/Paul McCartney duet Ebony and Ivory, Ricky Martin's She Bangs and Celine Dion's love theme from Titanic, My Heart Will Go On, deserve their rankings (Nos. 5, 10, 39 and 50, respectively).
But it's hard to take a list seriously that includes Simon & Garfunkel's Sounds of Silence (No. 42), REM's Shiny Happy People (No. 35) and the Beatles' Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da (No. 48) -- but excludes the Macarena.
And what, no Barry Manilow?
Check out the full list and see if you agree with any of the choices.
And if you're really a glutton for punishment, tune in on May 12 to hear the VH1 special, The 50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs Ever.
Blender Magazine's list of the 50 Worst Songs Ever:
1. We Built This City ... Starship ... 1985
2. Achy Breaky Heart ... Billy Ray Cyrus ... 1992
3. Everybody Have Fun Tonight ... Wang Chung ... 1986
4. Rollin' ... Limp Bizkit ... 2000
5. Ice Ice Baby ... Vanilla Ice ... 1990
6. The Heart of Rock & Roll ... Huey Lewis and the News ... 1984
7. Don't Worry, Be Happy ... Bobby McFerrin ... 1988
8. Party All the Time ... Eddie Murphy ... 1985
9. American Life ... Madonna ... 2003
10. Ebony and Ivory ... Paul McCartney, Stevie Wonder ... 1982
11. Invisible ... Clay Aiken ... 2003
12. Kokomo ... The Beach Boys ... 1988
13. Illegal Alien ... Genesis ... 1983
14. From a Distance ... Bette Midler ... 1990
15. I'll Be There for You ... The Rembrandts ... 1995
16. What's Up? ... 4 Non Blondes ... 1993
17. Pumps and a Bump ... Hammer ... 1994
18. You're the Inspiration ... Chicago ... 1984
19. Broken Wings ... Mr. Mister ... 1985
20. Dancing on the Ceiling ... Lionel Richie ... 1986
21. Two Princes ... Spin Doctors ... 1992
22. Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American) ... Toby Keith ... 2002
23. Sunglasses at Night ... Corey Hart ... 1984
24. Five for Fighting ... Superman ... 2000
25. I'll Be Missing You ... Puff Daddy featuring Faith Evans and 112 ... 1997
26. The End ... The Doors ... 1967
27. The Final Countdown ... Europe ... 1987
28. Your Body Is a Wonderland ... John Mayer ... 2001
29. Breakfast at Tiffany's ... Deep Blue Something ... 1995
30. Greatest Love of All ... Whitney Houston ... 1986
31. Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm ... Crash Test Dummies ... 1994
32. Will 2K ... Will Smith ... 1999
33. Barbie Girl ... Aqua ... 1997
34. Longer ... Dan Fogelberg ... 1979
35. Shiny Happy People ... R.E.M. ... 1991
36. Make Em Say Uhh! ... Master P featuring Silkk, Fiend, Mia-X and Mystikal ... 1998
37. Rico Suave ... Gerardo ... 1991
38. Cotton Eyed Joe ... Rednex ... 1995
39. She Bangs ... Ricky Martin ... 2000
40. I Wanna Sex You Up ... Color Me Badd ... 1991
41. We Didn't Start the Fire ... Billy Joel ... 1989
42. The Sounds of Silence ... Simon & Garfunkel ... 1965
43. Follow Me ... Uncle Kracker ... 2000
44. I'll Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That) ... Meat Loaf ... 1993
45. Mesmerize ... Ja Rule featuring Ashanti ... 2002
46. Hangin' Tough ... New Kids on the Block ... 1989
47. The Only Thing That Looks Good on Me Is You ... Bryan Adams ... 1996
48. Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da ... The Beatles ... 1968
49. I'm Too Sexy ... Right Said Fred ... 1992
50. My Heart Will Go On ... Celine Dion ... 1998
What about the one with the chickens clucking "In The Mood"?
Wasn't that one by Blind Melon Chittling on a Cheech and Chong album?
Another Ray Stevens classic............
Revolution 9
That's a song?
Actually, the one time in my life that I called a radio station (an oldies at that), I requested this "song" as a joke. The DJ couldn't stop laughing. He just had to put the phone call on the air.
I think Blender was looking for the worst songs that were actually hits.
GRRREAT stuff!
Quick Joey Small went-a over the wall
with a ball and a chain behind him
Quick Joey Small went-a over the wall
Set the dogs right out to find him
Het Het
1969, if I'm not mistaken.
Not only do I have it on a 45, but I own two copies of a LP titled "Bubblegum Music is the Naked Truth," which features Quick Joey Small along with songs by the Ohio Express ("Chewy, Chewy", "Yummy, Yummy, Yummy", "Down at Lulu's") the 1910 Fruitgum Company ("Simon Says," "Goody, Goody Gumdrops"), and the Lemon Pipers ("Green Tamborine"), among others.
The problem with this list is trying to limit it to 50.
From just the period 1966-1969 or so, we haven't even mentioned "Here Comes the Judge" by Pigmeat Markum, "She's a Heartbreaker" by Gene Pitney ("The way you sock-it-to-me girl, you're outta sight"), Master Jack by Three Jacks and a Jill, "Indian Lake" by the Cowsills.
And don't get me started on the early 1960s ("Goodbye Cruel World (I'm Off to Join the Circus)" by Jimmy Darin, etc., **shiver**).
Now, as far as the greatest songs NEVER to make it into the Billboard Top Ten, one would be "Look of Love" by Leslie Gore -- not the same song as "The Look of Love," written by Burt Bacharach. Why? Simply because it ranks just behind "Be Young, Be Foolish, Be Happy" by the Tams as the best song ever for Shagging (not in the Austin Powers sense, but the Southern fraternity house dance similar to the Jitterbug).
Interesting that there can be two so truly bad songs containing the phrase "Run Joey Run" in the title.
Can anyone else thing of a three-word or longer phrase that appears in two or more of the worst songs ever? Eh?
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