The Guild 4-3-2004 Things Bob Actually Does Know About Women #27

Sour Bob ^ | Sour Bob

[Utah Girl]

Things Bob Actually Does Know About Women #27

or, The Math of Phone Numbers

• where x is the number of girls for whose phone numbers you ask...
  
• where K is the percentage of the same-age dating population left over after you weed out the emotionally disturbed, chronically chemically-addled, intellectually unsatisfying, personality-challenged, and essentially unavailable persons...
  

• where y is the percentage of people who maintain their attractiveness in the harsh light of day, away from free-flowing drinks and neon beer lights...
  
• where z represents the rate of people who will either give you a crap number, screen your call out, or never answer your message...
  
• where b represents the likelihood that, all things being equal, either of you will continue to show interest at the time of this follow-up call...
  
• where 2 is considered to be the random-weirdness-that-can-screw-anything-up-where-dating-is-concerned factor...

Given all of this, the odds of successfully attaining a date based on a phone number attained at a bar can be expressed by the following equation:

Assuming K to be .85, figuring y to be around .5 (although it may be considerably higher if you drink heavily, or slightly lower if you don't drink at all), estimating z to be around .15, and putting b at around a two out of three chance...

Going by those numbers, you need to ask for about twelve numbers for every date you expect to get.

[mountaineer]

"This administration says one thing and does another."

Not to be confused with what Rush was talking about a little while ago, that Kerry is trying to paint himself as a fiscal conservative. It worked for Clinton, but he didn't have a congressional voting record. However will Kerry respond when his house and senate voting record is trotted out to prove he is quite the opposite of a conservative? LOL - should be interesting.

[pubmom]

Good heavens, words to live by. Also copied and sent to a few friends in leadership positions. Keep em coming. :)

[pubmom]

Hmm... He was conservative before he decided he wasn't?

This will be rich. (Pass the Grey Poupon, Lovey.)

[Carolina]

Have y'all seen the thread for this:Caption Kerry (who does Teresa look like here?)

[Endeavor]

"(Who counts pollen, anyway?)"

democrats -- they haven't got anything better to do

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

Oh my gosh, if Teresa ever saw that comparison she would go into cardiac arrest!

[Endeavor]

""This is a White House that puts women front and center when it is politically useful, as they are now in gearing up for the 2004 campaign, when women's votes will be central," said Ann Lewis "

as opposed to under the presidential desk, Ann?

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

I was in the post office on Saturday and saw a man who was a dead ringer for Saddam Hussien. I felt so awful for this poor man. Imagine walking around with that face. He could have at least cut off the mustache!

[mountaineer]

Hillary isn't quite "with the program," it would seem:

THE American Indian Foundation - producer Ismail Merchant, chairman - raised $1 mil with dinner at Roseland and a preview of "Bombay Dreams." .... Hillary, Senate co-chair on India, made a drop-in. The first First Lady to visit there since Jackie Kennedy said she and Bill want to go back "as soon as he finishes his book which should be sometime between immediately and never." (Cindy Adams, NY Post)

NY Daily News reports:

John Kerry isn't even President and already he's giving the Secret Service headaches. The agency needs to find someplace with a direct line of sight on Kerry's home in Boston. But the senator and his moneybags missus, Theresa Heinz Kerry, own a $6.9 million mansion on Beacon Hill's Louisburg Square. "If you want an apartment in Louisburg Square, you can't find one," Realtor Jackie NeJaime tells Boston magazine. "They'd have to buy the whole house. And that would cost them $7 million or $8 million dollars."

Meanwhile, organizers of the Democratic National Convention hope Barbra Streisand will serenade Kerry in July when he's officially anointed as the party's candidate. So far, no official word from the diva, who has performed for every Democratic Oval Officer since Lyndon Johnson.

[Timeout]

Tee Hee....

City leaders lured Democrats with lobsters, Red Sox games, and the promise of millions in corporate contributions. But in the 15 months since Boston won its first national presidential convention, the enthusiasm so marveled at by party leaders is dissolving into a logistical and political quagmire.

What?! Doesn't the writer know donkeys don't do quagmires?!!!

Yahoo News

[mountaineer]

Speaking of quagmires, we're off to Boston on the 17th, so we'll see whether the gigantic quagmire otherwise known as the Big Dig (a monument to inept Democrat government if ever there was one) is any less a mess than it was.

[lodwick]

Best of luck, and good wishes, to Mr.M in the 'thon.

[mountaineer]

Thanks for the bon mots, JL, but this year Mr. M will be on the sidelines of the race, due to an Achilles injury. Having already purchased the tickets and booked the hotel, however, we're using the occasion to celebrate our anniversary, so we'll still eat well and have a nice time.

[They'reGone2000]

What an original idea (not).

Teresa Heinz Kerry is a millionaire philanthropist and a popular public speaker for her husband's presidential campaign. Now she can add scarf designer to her resume.

[lodwick]

...so we'll still eat well and have a nice time.

---

That's great. Have a ball, guys.

(Just wait 'till next year.)

[Timeout]

Oh, my. That is one ugly scarf!

M: Have fun in BeanTown! Sorry to hear about the Achilles.

Here for everyone is the most wonderful speech, made even more perfect by the fact that it was delivered BY a university professor..TO university professors. It's long...but worth every minute when one imagines how his audience must have been squirming in their seats!

http://www.frontpagemag.com/Articles/ReadArticle.asp?ID=12837

[Utah Girl]

re: Max Cleland. I did read the whole Slate article. It was scathing about Cleland and Kerry. The last line of the article was that revenge is not a good platform for running a Presidential campaing. Kerry isn't listening though (thank goodness.)

[Utah Girl]

Oh my goodness. I've been trying for months to figure out who Teresa Heinz Kerry looks like. It's the lady ape from Planet of the Apes!!!

[Utah Girl]

I thought I read somewhere last week that Babs was going to be the main entertainment for the Dem convention. Maybe I got mixed up and it was for some Dem fundraiser...

[BigWaveBetty]

as opposed to under the presidential desk, Ann?

Ah trhyed to git ol' Ann under mah desk in the oval office but her rear end was this much whyder than mah desk. Shucks.