The Guild 4-3-2004 Things Bob Actually Does Know About Women #27

Sour Bob ^ | Sour Bob

[Utah Girl]

Things Bob Actually Does Know About Women #27

or, The Math of Phone Numbers

• where x is the number of girls for whose phone numbers you ask...
  
• where K is the percentage of the same-age dating population left over after you weed out the emotionally disturbed, chronically chemically-addled, intellectually unsatisfying, personality-challenged, and essentially unavailable persons...
  

• where y is the percentage of people who maintain their attractiveness in the harsh light of day, away from free-flowing drinks and neon beer lights...
  
• where z represents the rate of people who will either give you a crap number, screen your call out, or never answer your message...
  
• where b represents the likelihood that, all things being equal, either of you will continue to show interest at the time of this follow-up call...
  
• where 2 is considered to be the random-weirdness-that-can-screw-anything-up-where-dating-is-concerned factor...

Given all of this, the odds of successfully attaining a date based on a phone number attained at a bar can be expressed by the following equation:

Assuming K to be .85, figuring y to be around .5 (although it may be considerably higher if you drink heavily, or slightly lower if you don't drink at all), estimating z to be around .15, and putting b at around a two out of three chance...

Going by those numbers, you need to ask for about twelve numbers for every date you expect to get.

[mountaineer]

Nixon was too kind!

I made my first sign for the anticipated Kerry freep: cut out pictures from a big box of frozen waffles, pasted them on posterboard, with the words:

Where do you stand today, John? (on anything)

[lodwick]

Someone didn't appreciate the Bush letter to John Hinckley email joke I posted so it was pulled...

[daisyscarlett]

OMG, I just heard Rush telling that John Kerry does not like "protesters" and chided some folks yesterday who were flipping their flip flops at one of his appearances with "There are some Republicans here who are rude and bad mannered"...lol

[mountaineer]

I've not only made a "waffle" sign for the impending Kerry appearance in my neighborhood, but plan to wear a pair of flipflops around my neck, or staple them to a signpost. Yep, call me rude.

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

We have a new one!!

[mountaineer]

All the Botox in the world can't help this guy.

[BigWaveBetty]

sniff, sniff, boo hoo, sniff, poor John Kerry's family had to let a wealty aunt help pay the bills... h the humanity! sob, sob, sob!

John Kerry (news - web sites) is seen in this undated photo with his siblings, from left, Cam, Diana, and, right, Peggy. Kerry did grow up in a world of elite private schools, and vacations on a French estate, but his parents, a U.S. diplomat and a homemaker, had to turn to a wealthy, childless great-aunt, Clara Winthrop, to help pay the bills. (AP Photo/Courtesy of John Kerry)

Dear old Dad

Mom looks younger here, maybe before the child from hell came along!

[BigWaveBetty]

Got any tye dye garments stuffed in the back of the attic somewhere? Or if you could find one of those hats with big hands that clap on top when a string is pulled and replace the hands with flip flops.

Suggestion for a sign:

KIM JONG IL LOVES JOHN KERRY!

[mountaineer]

I have another sign idea:

FOREIGN "LEADERS"
SUPPORT KERRY;
W.VA. SUPPORTS
PRESIDENT BUSH

or else:

Foreign Leaders
Support Kerry:
Castro, Kim Il Jong,
Saddam, Chirac ...

[Timeout]

Sign:

"I DON'T FALL..."

HA HA HA ....

(Hey, Secret Service! Stay out of his way!)

[mountaineer]

I'm having a hard time figuring which child in that photo is John Effin', as Peggy (on the right) looks more like JFK than the boy third from left, who seems to have been identified as he. I know we've said he looks like an aging lesbian, which makes me even more quite confused. Is he really Peggy? Is Peggy really John? Is there even a Peggy at all?

[mountaineer]

That's good. Maybe I should wear ski goggles, too!

[lodwick]

I think that jf is the goofy one in the back.

wtf knows, or cares?

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

Something tells me that Kerry's makeup artist is a Republican.

[Timeout]

Arab barbarians murder our workers and desecrate their bodies.
They ambush and kill our soldiers.

And Americans get mad....at the president.

I don't guess I'll ever understand it.

[Timeout]

Isn't someone on the Guild a veternarian? Is it Endeavor? I can't remember.

I have a very sick kitty here...we can't figure out what's wrong with her. I'm heartsick.

[BigWaveBetty]

There is a Peggy and where does she work you might ask? Peggy's a liaison at the U.S. Mission to the U.N. Isn't that where aging lesbian's work?

Cameron Kerry is quite active as a Jew. "My wife goes to Temple Israel in Boston whenever she can. I pray there on Friday evenings. I celebrate the High Holy Days, I fast on Yom Kippur. We celebrate the Passover seder with my wife's family, at our home the first night and at my brother-in-law's, the second."

Asked if his older brother had ever come to a seder, Cameron says that John knows what it is, and that he has celebrated it with Jewish families, but not in his brother's home.

Cameron

Diana Kerry

[BigWaveBetty]

Calling Evdeavor! Timeout has sick kitty!

[BigWaveBetty]

Hey all you pitiful fools who believe Clarke and his enablers, Condoleezza is gonna walk all over you.

[BigWaveBetty]

Jimmy Breslin Accused of Faking Interview