Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Science Pleads The 5th
Babylon Bee ^ | 07/29/2026 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 07/29/2026 10:26:47 AM PDT by DFG

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Science has declined to answer any questions to avoid incriminating itself for crimes it may have committed.

Upon being brought in for a Congressional hearing over its handling of the COVID-19 pandemic, Science stated that it was advised by its attorneys to not answer questions so as to not to provide damaging witness against itself.

"Science has elected to exercise its fifth amendment right to not provide testimony that may be used against it in criminal proceedings," said Science's attorney Jay Varner. "This decision should in no way be taken as an admission of guilt by Science. We continue to maintain that Science is wholly innocent, and hope it will keep its mouth shut from here on out."

Representative after representative grew visibly frustrated as Science repeatedly invoked its constitutional protections.

"So when exactly did you know natural immunity was superior to vaccination?" one congressman asked.

"On the advice of counsel, I respectfully decline to answer," said Science.

"Why did you call for censorship of anyone who stated that COVID leaked from a lab, when you knew that was the most likely explanation?"

"I invoke the Fifth."

"Was the rule for six feet of social distancing based on actual evidence?"

"Fifth."

"Did you ever tell people they couldn't go to church but could attend a BLM protest?"

"I'm going to go with... the fifth."

Legal experts noted that invoking the Fifth Amendment is a constitutional right and does not, by itself, imply wrongdoing. They also observed that it was nevertheless an unusual strategy for Science, which had proclaimed itself to be "settled" back in 2020.

At publishing time, Science had requested that law enforcement please stop "following the Science."


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; fauci; iamthescience; pleadthe5th
Message from Jim Robinson:

Dear FRiends,

We need your continuing support to keep FR funded. Your donations are our sole source of funding. No sugar daddies, no advertisers, no paid memberships, no commercial sales, no gimmicks, no tax subsidies. No spam, no pop-ups, no ad trackers.

If you enjoy using FR and agree it's a worthwhile endeavor, please consider making a contribution today:

Click here: to donate by Credit Card

Or here: to donate by PayPal

Or by mail to: Free Republic, LLC - PO Box 9771 - Fresno, CA 93794

Thank you very much and God bless you,

Jim


1 posted on 07/29/2026 10:26:47 AM PDT by DFG
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: DFG

What passes for science in this country is corrupt politics.


2 posted on 07/29/2026 10:27:58 AM PDT by stinkerpot65 (Global warming is a Marxist lie. )
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

LOL! The Bee nails another hide to the wall! I love it. :)


3 posted on 07/29/2026 10:30:55 AM PDT by Diana in Wisconsin (I don't have, 'Hobbies.' I'm developing a robust Post-Apocalyptic skill set.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

‘Science’ and, ‘She Who Shall Not Be Named’ must share the same Lawyer.

*SMIRK*


4 posted on 07/29/2026 10:35:12 AM PDT by Diana in Wisconsin (I don't have, 'Hobbies.' I'm developing a robust Post-Apocalyptic skill set.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

5 posted on 07/29/2026 10:37:23 AM PDT by Frank Drebin (And don't ever let me catch you guys in America!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

The Mafia is jealous...


6 posted on 07/29/2026 10:43:10 AM PDT by Does so (Book:"The Party of Death"...Dem☭¢rats ™ ® © ≣ ½⅓⅔¼¾ ⅛⅜⅝⅞ ⅓ ⅕ ⅖ ⅗ ⅘ ⅙ ⅚)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

Thanks for not including the picture that came with the article....if I never see that slimy little weasel ever again it’ll be too soon.


7 posted on 07/29/2026 10:52:55 AM PDT by V_TWIN (America....so great even the people that hate it won't leave!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

Science doesn’t want the Auto Pen to be subpoenaed.


8 posted on 07/29/2026 10:53:45 AM PDT by bigbob (We are all Charlie Kirk now)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

9 posted on 07/29/2026 11:28:00 AM PDT by boycott
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

Full name is “The Science”.


10 posted on 07/29/2026 11:35:54 AM PDT by rightwingcrazy (;-,)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

I remember signs saying “I believe science” and “I believe Fauci”

Unfortunately, the science is really getting bar rap.
Dr Fauci and Dr Mann are just the worst examples.

I am not sure, when, if ever, science regains its former respectability.


11 posted on 07/29/2026 11:45:05 AM PDT by AZJeep (sane )
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG
Memes about Fauci to swipe, save and share: click here.
12 posted on 07/29/2026 12:14:45 PM PDT by Albion Wilde (The first duty of the American government is to protect American citizens, not illegal aliens. --DJT)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

Eye Yam De Sigh Ants!


13 posted on 07/29/2026 1:07:42 PM PDT by null and void (Trump isn't a pussycat, but he does have nine lives!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson