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Anyone Born in US Is a Citizen [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 July 2026 | John Semmens

Posted on 07/04/2026 1:01:54 AM PDT by John Semmens

This week, a 6-3 majority of the US Supreme Court struck down President Trump's executive order attempting to restrict citizenship to persons legally residing in the country and a 5-4 majority ruled that the Constitution's 14th Amendment decrees that any person born here is a citizen.

Chief Justice John Roberts asserted that "we are a nation of immigrants. No humans originated on any land in the western hemisphere. All humans arrived here from somewhere else on the planet. Historically, the US government encouraged immigration in order to populate a largely empty landscape. Anyone who could make the journey into the US was admitted and any children they had were automatically citizens. The 14th Amendment turned this customary practice into a constitutional right."

Justice Clarence Thomas disagreed, writing that "the 14th Amendment was designed and understood to secure equal rights for the freed blacks, but has instead been repurposed for political projects that the Reconstruction Congress did not support. The freed blacks all were born in the United States and many had fought for their freedom during the Civil War. Awarding birth right citizenship to the children of persons who illegally entered the United States or who were born to temporary visitors from other countries creates a right not guaranteed by the Constitution."

Justice Samuel Alito argued that "the majority's interpretation grants a powerful incentive to enter or remain in this country illegally. Immigrants naturally prefer affluent countries where economic opportunities are available. Other than Canada, the United States will be the only affluent nation where birth alone is enough to establish citizenship. The 14th Amendment does not include the rule the Court now imposes on the country. In my judgment, the Court has made a mistake that will seriously affect the country's future."

Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson concurred with the majority and added "considering that a person born male can declare himself a woman and obtain all of the rights and privileges available to a person born female, the much less drastic transition of foreigner to citizen is implicitly permitted. Not only should the children born to immigrants become automatic citizens, but so too should the parents."

In related news, birth right citizen Rep. Delia Ramirez (D-Ill) is the child of illegal immigrants. At a recent meeting in Mexico City she told the audience "I'm a proud Guatemalan before I'm an American." More recently, she used a suicide by hanging to denounce "America's legacy of racial terror and racial violence" and "Israel's genocide against Palestinians, paid by American taxpayers' money."


TOPICS: Government; History; Humor; Politics; Travel
KEYWORDS: alito; brownjackson; illegalimmigrants; roberts; satire; thomas

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1 posted on 07/04/2026 1:01:55 AM PDT by John Semmens
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To: 1of10; #1CTYankee; 12Gauge687; 14erClimb; 21twelve; 1raider1; 2nd Bn, 11th Mar; 3D-JOY; 43north; ...

ping


2 posted on 07/04/2026 1:04:08 AM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

This ruling is sheer madness. Once the border gates are busted open again by some Democrat president, the hordes will flood in even more. We might as well get ready and build some birthing hospitals at the border.


3 posted on 07/04/2026 3:26:50 AM PDT by KittyKares
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To: All

So I guess this means anyone stupid enough to have been born in Uganda is an “African?”


4 posted on 07/04/2026 4:01:35 AM PDT by Liz (“The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies the work of His hands." (Psalm 19:1))
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To: John Semmens

Do people need ID to demonstrate they were born in the USA, or will a verbal declaration suffice???

Asking for a friend.


5 posted on 07/04/2026 4:36:04 AM PDT by Steven Tyler
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To: AdmSmith; AnonymousConservative; Arthur Wildfire! March; Berosus; Bockscar; BraveMan; cardinal4; ...

6 posted on 07/04/2026 5:05:18 AM PDT by SunkenCiv (There are no strange bedfellows. Politics are always and only about power.)
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To: John Semmens

or anyone that shows up in the US is a citizen ? Birthright is STUPID


7 posted on 07/04/2026 5:27:50 AM PDT by butlerweave (Fateh)
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To: John Semmens

No humans originated on any land in the western hemisphere.

Guess the 10,000 year old bones found in Ameruca must have fell out the bag by the people who came here with them?.


8 posted on 07/04/2026 6:53:19 AM PDT by Vaduz (NEVER TRUST A DEMOCRAT)
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To: John Semmens

Clearly, we are watching, mutely, the final nails being driven into the former Republic’s coffin...

George Patton’s prescient 1917 poem has a manifest connection to our current national demise...


9 posted on 07/04/2026 6:59:59 AM PDT by SuperLuminal (Where is rabble-rising Sam Adams now that we need him? Is his name Trump, now?)
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To: John Semmens

Roberts is a sniveling little coward and traitor for his offenses to date.


10 posted on 07/04/2026 7:17:37 AM PDT by bobbo666
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