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Newsom Warns DOJ [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 14 June 2026 | John Semmens

Posted on 06/13/2026 12:35:00 PM PDT by John Semmens

The US Department of Justice (DOJ) efforts to audit the recent balloting in Los Angeles and California prompted Gov. Gavin Newsom (D) to warn "all of the actions employed in counting the ballots of the recent elections for Mayor of Los Angeles and Governor of California are authorized by law. Things that the DOJ regards as 'suspicious' like the extraordinary differences between the ratios of ballots for various candidates counted early versus those counted later is perfectly normal for California."

"Further, I just signed a law--Senate Bill 73--that makes questioning the declared outcome of an election a crime punishable by three years in prison," Newsom boasted. "This law pertains to anyone who asks questions or implies that any part of the process is improper or corrupt. Democracy cannot survive in an environment of doubt and suspicion. Anyone who would venture to stir up doubt or suspicion is an enemy of democracy and will be punished to the full extent of the law. This includes acting Attorney General Todd Blanche and any other member of the DOJ who enters California with the intent to audit or investigate any election held in my state."

Blanche dismissed Newsom's threats and pointed out that "the US Constitution and the federal laws enacted are the supreme law of the land. No state law that conflicts with federal law can stand. The Constitution also obligates the federal government to ensure that every state has a republican form of government. Ensuring clean elections is essential to fulfilling this obligation. Newsom and the Democrat-dominated state legislature do not have the authority to block a federal audit or investigation into any election held in California."

In related news, Mayor Karen Bass and City councilwoman Nithya Raman have jointly requested that Spencer Pratt be arrested for making a "terroristic threat" against them. Bass explained "rather than take his defeat like a man, Mr. Pratt is now saying he has evidence that one of us has committed a crime and that he will publicly reveal this evidence prior to the November election. We think his threat falls within the scope of the recently enacted Senate Bill 73. We are requesting that Pratt be arrested and compelled to turn this so-called evidence over to the Los Angeles Police Department so he can be prevented from interfering with the upcoming November ballot counting."


TOPICS: Government; Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: bass; crime; democracy; elections; fraud; highspeedrail; pratt; satire; terrorist
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1 posted on 06/13/2026 12:35:00 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

I question the outcome. It seems like election fraud. Come and get me mr. greasy hair.


2 posted on 06/13/2026 12:46:16 PM PDT by MtnClimber (For photos of scenery, wildlife and climbing, click on my screen name for my FR home page.)
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To: John Semmens

“....questioning the declared outcome of an election a crime punishable by....”

Me thinks the lady doth protest to much


3 posted on 06/13/2026 12:57:28 PM PDT by Robert357
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To: John Semmens
"Further, I just signed a law--Senate Bill 73--that makes questioning the declared outcome of an election a crime punishable by three years in prison," Newsom boasted.

That tells you everything you need to know about Demonrats. Does this mean Shrillary and Commie-la will be arrested next time they claim voter fraud?

4 posted on 06/13/2026 1:26:23 PM PDT by Schatze (It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.)
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To: John Semmens

You got me for a while there.


5 posted on 06/13/2026 1:32:39 PM PDT by jacknhoo (Luke 12:51; Think ye, that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, no; but separation.)
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To: John Semmens

Interesting. Stuff the ballot box with illegal ballots, as shown by Democrat volunteers harvesting homeless people to assume identities of registered voters, then pass a law making it illegal to verify that the ballots are valid. And this clown thinks he should run for President?


6 posted on 06/13/2026 1:55:09 PM PDT by econjack
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To: John Semmens

A ridiculous threat but one good thing is that the corrupt California D party election-rigging machinery is being forced out of its closet for more Americans to see.

Often attributed to Joseph Stalin, certainly applicable to California:
“The voters don’t decide elections. The people who count the votes do.”


7 posted on 06/13/2026 2:18:44 PM PDT by faithhopecharity ("Politicians aren't born, they're excreted." Marcus Tullius Cicero (106 to 43 BCE))
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To: John Semmens
questioning the declared outcome of an election a crime...

Saddam Hussein did this.
8 posted on 06/13/2026 2:34:11 PM PDT by SpaceBar
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To: John Semmens
"Further, I just signed a law--Senate Bill 73--that makes questioning the declared outcome of an election a crime punishable by three years in prison,"

What a nasty little one party state you have there.

9 posted on 06/13/2026 4:42:24 PM PDT by magooey (The Mandate of Heaven resides in the hearts of men.)
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