Newsom & Walz Compare Impacts [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 December 2025 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

Miffed that Minnesota has been garnering the lion's share of recent news on welfare fraud, Gov. Gavin Newsom (D-Calif) pointed out that "my state has been cited for $76 billion in welfare fraud in the past year alone. We are far ahead of anything Gov. Walz has achieved in his state. I dare say, that if a multi-year examination of fraud statistics were conducted we would show the most robust losses of tax dollars of any state over any period of time in our nation's history."

Walz countered, saying "I've received almost 100 letters from panicked mayors urging me to 'put the breaks on the spending' and to 'clean up your act.' Minnesota now ranks 46th among the 50 states in growth of median household income. This shows I've put my imprint on my state. Newsom hasn't shown he's had a comparable impact. The corruption in California probably was there long before he became governor."

Minnesota Lt. Gov. Peggy Flanagan backed Walz's claims saying "our Governor has enabled a cadre of destitute Somalian refugees to become millionaires by diverting welfare benefits earmarked for others to themselves. I don't think Newsom can claim a comparable achievement."

Newsom reminded Walz and Flanagan that "we have more homeless people than any other state. Minnesota doesn't even come close. And earlier this year I presided over a fire that destroyed more than 18,000 homes, scorched nearly 60,000 acres, and killed up to 440 people. Regulatory red tape has prevented only a tiny fraction of these homes to be rebuilt. Clearly, my impact has been greater by far and should put me in the lead for the 2028 Democrat presidential nomination."

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TOPICS: Government; Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: democrats; fraud; incompetence; satire

[webheart]

You don’t have a particularly good skill with satire.

[jacknhoo]

Pretty good. Had to make sure it wasn’t the Bee.