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Dems Doctor Crime Stats [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 26 October 2025 | John Semmens

Posted on 10/27/2025 11:01:46 AM PDT by John Semmens

Gov. JB Pritzker's (D-Ill) claim that crime is down in his state and the City of Chicago is based largely on reclassifying felonies to misdemeanors. The Governor boasted "this essentially cost-free method of improving our safety record is something we should have thought of doing a long time ago. Prosecutors have always had the authority to decide whether to reduce the cost of prosecuting offenders by offering them a deal to plead to a misdemeanor and get a lesser sentence or probation rather than being tried for a felony. We also save on incarceration expenses with the lighter sentences."

US Attorney General Pam Bondi asserted that "jiggering the statistics to make crime rates appear to decline isn't making citizens safer. It's letting dangerous criminals go free with just a slap on the wrist, leaving them free to prey upon people who may be lulled into a false sense of security by the data that Gov Pritzker cites as proof that his easy-on-crime approaches aren't risky. Individuals with dozens of arrests show a disregard for civilized behavior that argues for them being kept away from potential victims."

Pritzker called Bondi's view of public safety "out-dated. A lot of the folks we arrest had deprived childhoods. They lacked virtuous role models. The so-called 'slap on the wrist' complaint under estimates the potential positive effects of a 'second chance' for the offender. It tells that offender that he is worth saving. This has to get him thinking about being a better person."

Bondi said, "when individuals are given dozens of 'second chances' I think it immunizes them against doing the right thing. Their behavior tends to get worse over time, often producing horrific and brutal crimes. Take the case of the senseless murder of a young Ukrainian immigrant by a habitual criminal in Charlotte, North Carolina. All the 'second chances' this offender got cost another person her life. Crime without punishment undermines civilization and replaces it with primordial savagery--the most out-dated form of human interaction."


TOPICS: Government; History; Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: bondi; pritzker; satire; secondchances

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1 posted on 10/27/2025 11:01:46 AM PDT by John Semmens
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