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Jay Jones Unwinds After Stressful Day By Repeatedly Stabbing His Republican Voodoo Doll
Babylon Bee ^ | 10/06/2025 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 10/06/2025 12:24:37 PM PDT by DFG

NORFOLK, VA — State attorney general nominee Jay Jones was seen relaxing after a stressful day on the campaign trail by repeatedly stabbing his trusty Republican voodoo doll.

"Die! I hope you and your children die!" Jones reportedly screamed at the tourist novelty he had picked up from a New Orleans gift shop. "Aww. So relaxing."

According to sources, Jones travels everywhere with his Republican voodoo doll, treating it almost like a security blanket. He reportedly bought it back in 2022 after fantasizing about shooting then-Virginia House Speaker Todd Gilbert and wishing death upon his children. "I can't believe I got in trouble for those texts," Jones reflected. "I don't even know how to use a gun. That's why I bought a voodoo doll."

Governor Glenn Youngkin condemned Jones' actions and called on him to withdraw from the race. "It's irresponsible for any politician to wish death upon an opponent, let alone with a creepy voodoo doll," Youngkin said. "So creepy!"

Jones responded by purchasing another voodoo doll that looked suspiciously like Youngkin. "Heart attack!" he said, stabbing it in the chest with a needle.

"I've never seen someone so passionate about dead Republicans," local voter Amber Tally said. "He's got my vote."

At publishing time, Governor Glenn Youngkin was admitted to VCU Medical Center with chest pains.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; satire

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1 posted on 10/06/2025 12:24:37 PM PDT by DFG
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To: DFG

I guess one must have a hobby. 🙄


2 posted on 10/06/2025 12:34:02 PM PDT by A Formerly Proud Canadian (All we need is 177k signatures to get a referendum on freedom in Alberta!)
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To: DFG

Is this fake “Bee”?

I thought the real Bee was satire and not real news...


3 posted on 10/06/2025 12:53:09 PM PDT by newfreep ("There is no race problem...just a problem race")
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To: DFG
Ya beat me!

I must resolve to post more quickly.

4 posted on 10/06/2025 12:54:11 PM PDT by Navy Patriot (President Trump Decisively Won Popular & E.C., Celebrate Recivilization!)
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To: DFG

Working himself up to stabbing conservative people. Just a matter of time.


5 posted on 10/06/2025 1:02:02 PM PDT by SaxxonWoods (Annnd....TRUMP IS RIGHT AGAIN.)
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