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Iran Declares Victory [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 29 June 2025 | John Semmens

Posted on 06/28/2025 1:36:46 AM PDT by John Semmens

In an address to Iranian citizens Ayatollah Ali Khamenei told them that "we have repelled the aggressors who treacherously tried to take our land from us. Though many of our heroic military leaders lost their lives in the conflict the nation as a whole has survived the bombings. I have successfully eluded assassination."

"Our victory was achieved in only 12 days," he added. "The Zionist little Satan hit us with everything they had, but was forced to retreat without accomplishing their goal of dislodging me from my post or causing our people to lose faith in the eventual triumph of Islam. The Great Satan was too frightened to do more than one tiny sortie to bomb three targets--all of which they failed to destroy. Our retaliatory strike on the US air base in Qatar was enough to convince Trump to request a ceasefire, which we mercifully granted."

"As further punishment to our enemies, our Guardian Council has suspended all cooperation with the International Atomic Energy Agency," Khamenei boasted. "Now we will be completely free from impediments to our nuclear armament program. Within the next year we will have tens of thousands of bombs and the missiles needed to deliver them against all who would ever dare to attack us again. Meanwhile, the brave jihadis we have infiltrated into the homeland of the Great Satan will carry out their continuing mission to win elections and implement the policies and assassinations needed to convert city-by-city and state-by-state into Islamic caliphates until all the world is for Allah."

Rep. Alexandria Ocasio Cortez (D-NY) cited Khamenei's speech as "proof that President Trump's claim to have obliterated Iran's nuclear weapons program is false. His decision to bomb Iran without prior authorization from Congress will now lead to a disastrous catastrophe for America. He has made us the aggressors and Iranian terrorists will have just cause for taking revenge on innocent men, women, and children. Only if we atone for Trump's murderous attack on Iran by impeaching him could we hope to mitigate the horrors to come."


TOPICS: Government; Humor; Military/Veterans; Politics
KEYWORDS: aoc; israel; satire; unitedstates

1 posted on 06/28/2025 1:36:46 AM PDT by John Semmens
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To: 1of10; #1CTYankee; 12Gauge687; 14erClimb; 21twelve; 1raider1; 2nd Bn, 11th Mar; 3D-JOY; 43north; ...

ping


2 posted on 06/28/2025 1:37:44 AM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

Actually, this is not semi satire.

Ayatollah Ali Khamenei is spewing these lies. Telling the Iranians they won.

FACT

Totally Insane Mullahs.


3 posted on 06/28/2025 1:41:16 AM PDT by Texas Fossil (Texas is not about where you were born, but a Free State of Heart, Mind and Attitude.)
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To: John Semmens

Great article but where is the satire? Reads like real news - definitely more real than CNN et al. reporting.


4 posted on 06/28/2025 1:45:48 AM PDT by piytar (Remember Ashli Babbitt, Rosanne Boyland, and Corey Comperatore!)
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To: John Semmens

Bagdad Bob the mullah.


5 posted on 06/28/2025 2:04:59 AM PDT by exnavy (See article IV section 4 of our constitution.)
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To: Texas Fossil

I can’t help but think this is an incomplete victory. True a victory it is, but;

The 7th century radical clerics in their soiled robes are still in power.


6 posted on 06/28/2025 3:37:27 AM PDT by Phoenix8
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To: John Semmens

They still try to figure out what hit them.


7 posted on 06/28/2025 3:39:26 AM PDT by CandyFloss
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To: John Semmens

:^)


8 posted on 06/28/2025 7:58:13 AM PDT by SunkenCiv (Politics do not make strange bedfellows, and the enemy of your enemy may still be your enemy.)
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To: John Semmens

We have Donald Trump today. But we’ll need a Charles Martel before it’s over.


9 posted on 06/28/2025 8:59:34 AM PDT by BradyLS (DO NOT FEED THE BEARS!)
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To: Phoenix8

Correct:

Lebanese TV Host Walid Abboud Tells Hizbullah To Leave Lebanon And Take Their Weapons With Them: Iran Will Not Reject You After

All The Love You Showed Them; Go Away, We Want To Live In Peace (Jun 16, 2025)

https://www.memri.org/tv/walid-abboud-tells-hizbullah-leave-lebanon-iran-weapons-peace


Khamenei Declares ‘Victory’ Over Israel And America: U.S. Strikes Achieved Nothing, Iran ‘Slapped’ America’s Face (Jun 26, 2025)

https://www.memri.org/tv/khamenei-declares-victory-slaps-america-by-hitting-al-udeid

(Insane) Ayatollah Ali Khamenei: “I should congratulate the people. First, I would like to congratulate them on the victory over the fake Zionist regime. With all its clamor and pretension, the Zionist regime was almost annihilated and crushed under the blows of the Islamic Republic. (LMAO)


10 posted on 06/28/2025 11:04:22 AM PDT by Texas Fossil (Texas is not about where you were born, but a Free State of Heart, Mind and Attitude.)
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To: Phoenix8

Iranian Opposition statement from outside Iran:

Iran’s Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei (12:07 PM, Jun 26, 2025) was not involved in the decision-making regarding the ceasefire with Israel, according to a report today.

Khamenei is evil, but may be as demented as Slo Joe is.


11 posted on 06/28/2025 11:07:53 AM PDT by Texas Fossil (Texas is not about where you were born, but a Free State of Heart, Mind and Attitude.)
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To: BradyLS

We need a Charles Martel and a John Sobieski!


12 posted on 06/28/2025 1:33:40 PM PDT by BatGuano (Quantus Tremor Est futurus.)
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To: BatGuano

100% Bump!


13 posted on 06/28/2025 1:53:49 PM PDT by BradyLS (DO NOT FEED THE BEARS!)
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To: Phoenix8

True, Unfortunately.


14 posted on 06/29/2025 9:27:12 AM PDT by Texas Fossil (Texas is not about where you were born, but a Free State of Heart, Mind and Attitude.)
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