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Top Baby Names In UK Now Muhammad, Mohammed, Mohamad, And Mohamed
Babylon Bee ^ | 05/13/2025 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 05/13/2025 2:18:17 PM PDT by DFG

UNITED KINGDOM — According to the Office for National Statistics (ONS), the names Muhammad, Mohammed, Mohamad, and Mohamed are now the most popular names in England.

2025's list of popular baby names is strikingly similar to previous years, but what's unique is that traditional English names like James, William, Charles, and Edward are nowhere to be found. The names have reportedly been rendered obsolete by a new generation of little Muhammads, Mohammeds, Mohamads, and Mohameds.

"These cute baby names are what's really in right now, reflecting an admiration for the Holy Prophet, peace be upon him," said statistician Mohamed Ben Mohamad before ramming his car into a crowd of civilians. "The names just have a pleasant sound to them."

This marks a striking change from a previous trend in which everyone in England was named after various kings, apostles, and Manchester United players.

Joining the ranks of Muhammad name variants is "Muhhamad," which is believed to be a typo.

At publishing time, the ONS announced only one popular name for baby girls: Zawjah, which means wife.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; satire
Muhammad, Mohammed, Mohamad, And Mohamed are probably in the top 10 boy names in Texas these days.
1 posted on 05/13/2025 2:18:17 PM PDT by DFG
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To: DFG

“and Manchester United players”

The popularity of Mohamed shows that they are now being named after Liverpool players.


2 posted on 05/13/2025 2:26:43 PM PDT by JSM_Liberty
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To: DFG

The serfs of the Western nations still haven’t found out who is responsible for this.


3 posted on 05/13/2025 2:27:37 PM PDT by dljordan (The Rewards of Tolerance are Treachery and Betrayal)
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To: dljordan

Spanish translation in Calif: Jose.


4 posted on 05/13/2025 2:29:43 PM PDT by DIRTYSECRET
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To: JSM_Liberty

I remember when all the cool kids in Mercia were named Cynfawr, Drustan, Eudaf, Rhydderch...


5 posted on 05/13/2025 2:34:01 PM PDT by Sirius Lee ("Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.”)
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To: DFG

I’d name mine EatMoreHamWithMud.

(unless it were a boy. then Shirley, like in the Airplane movie)


6 posted on 05/13/2025 2:37:04 PM PDT by John Milner (Marching for Peace is like breathing for food.)
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To: DFG

Visiting London would be about as safe as visiting Kabul.


7 posted on 05/13/2025 2:48:07 PM PDT by NoLibZone (Trump failure: Not declaring Antifa a terrorist organization.)
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To: DFG

And baby’s first words are Allahu Akbar


8 posted on 05/13/2025 2:48:50 PM PDT by bigbob (Yes. We ARE going back)
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To: DFG

They didn’t include references to goats.


9 posted on 05/13/2025 2:49:18 PM PDT by Track9 (Make haste slowly. )
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To: DFG

All are Moooohammed for short. 🐮


10 posted on 05/13/2025 2:49:39 PM PDT by alstewartfan (Child slavery, rape and drug OD's mean nothing to Roberts and Barrett. )
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To: DFG

The Bee headline got me!


11 posted on 05/13/2025 2:51:36 PM PDT by GreatRoad ('In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act' )
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To: DFG

List isn’t including many of the African names, like Mamadou...


12 posted on 05/13/2025 2:54:27 PM PDT by Jamestown1630 ("A Republic, if you can keep it.")
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To: GreatRoad

But the headline probably isn’t satire..


13 posted on 05/13/2025 3:13:47 PM PDT by A strike (ICE ICE baby !)
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To: DFG

The suicide of the West.


14 posted on 05/13/2025 3:31:03 PM PDT by Dalberg-Acton
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To: DFG

Ah, kids blow up so fast these days....


15 posted on 05/13/2025 3:35:00 PM PDT by Aut Pax Aut Bellum (I sure am getting what I voted for!)
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To: DFG

I’m Larry, and this is my brother Mohammed, and this is my other brother Mohammed.


16 posted on 05/13/2025 3:36:35 PM PDT by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: DFG

Once again, The Bee strays into reporting reality.


17 posted on 05/13/2025 11:39:38 PM PDT by metmom ( He who testifies to these things says, “Surely I am coming soon." Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.")
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